There’s a Vagina in the House: Lawmaker Banned For Saying “Vagina” in MI Speech

Vagina. It’s in the dictionary. But apparently you can’t use that three syllable medical term in the Michigan House of Representatives. Rep. Lisa Brown was silenced with a gavel by the House Speaker for

violating the decorum of the House

during her speech Wednesday  against legislation that would place new regulations on abortion providers, as well as  prohibiting abortions after 20 weeks. Rep Brown said:

I’m flattered that you’re all so interested my vagina, but ‘no’ means ‘no.’

Yes. You read correctly Brown was silenced Wednesday for using

vagina

instead of any number of euphemistic or slang terms like altar of hymen, antipodes, beaver, box, coochie, crumpet, dearest bodily part, divine monosyllable, ell-skinner, Eve’s customs-house, fig, fountain of love, gash, gynee, hoohah, honeypot, ineffable, ivory gate, jamjar, jigamabob, keyhole, kitchen-kitty,  lady-flower, love’s fountain, money-maker, muff, nature’s tufted treasure, nether-eye, oracle, oyster, pleasure palace, pussy, quim, quoniam, robjack, road-to-pleasure, sallyport,  snatch, thing, twat, unmentionable, under-dimple, va-jayjay, vulva, what-and-where, womanhood, you-know-what,  yumyum, z-gallery, or zesty place.

She didn’t say the C-word. She used a medical term: Vagina.  However, Rep. Mike Callton commented:

What she said was offensive. It was so offensive, I don’t even want to say it in front of women. I would not say that in mixed company.

Wait, whut? Here are lawmakers about to legislate about something involving (cover your eyes) vaginas and penises, and how those vaginas and related parts which were affected by penises and ejaculate should be treated, and they can’t even say or hear the word vagina? Oh holy of holy holes, how the heck do these fellows explain reproduction to their children? If Rep Callton won’t say

vagina

in mixed company, does that mean he uses the word with his male pals? That they all talk about vaginas? And since when are women so delicate they can’t hear or speak the medical term for a part of their own bodies? Vagina. Vagina. Vagina. Vagina. Say it loud, we’re here and proud. Vagina.
Ari Adler, spokesman for the Republican majority said that

Majority Floor Leader Jim Stamas had determined Brown’s comments violated the decorum of the House.

The House majority in Michigan is Republican. Brown is a Democrat. And has a vagina. Thursday House Republicans would not  allow Brown to speak  on a school employee retirement bill.
Vagina.

The Divine Monosyllable, or My Vagina Has a First Name…

Years ago when I was doing spoken word, I had schtick where I’d read a list of alphabetized nouns  from a dictionary of slang and euphemism, always beginning with “ace of spades” and ending with “yeast biscuit, you know what, yum yum.” I’d just randomly scan the synonyms and just toss them out with appropriate vocal inflections and pauses. It was fun to see how long it took the audience to catch on.

Included often were such terms as

Berkeley hunt, Bluebeard’s closet, center of attraction, conundrum, divine monosyllable, Eve’s custom house, eye that weeps most when best pleased, fiddle, fie-for-shame, gallimaufrey, generating place, grove of Eglantine,  half-moon, hive, Irish fortune, ivory gate,  Jacob’s ladder, ,jing-jang,  keystone of love, leading article, limbo, love’s pavilion, man-trap, marble arch, mouth that says no words about it, nick-nack, nonny-nonny, oracle, oyster, palace of pleasure, plum tree, purse, quid, quiff, quim, rest and be thankful, rufus, skin the pizzle, star, swallow, target, tool chest, treasure, tunnel, undertaker, vacuum, valve, Venus’ honeypot, what, where uncle’s doodle goes, whim-wham, workshop…

Well, Mooncup, an alternative to tampons and other such items now has a website where ladies–and one presumes gentlemen–can leave their fave names for lady parts, many of which are far more modern than the nouns I used to articulate: “Downtown dining and entertainment district” seems very popular.

Amy Winehouse contributed one. I don’t think anyone wants to go there.


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