(The reason for this video will be apparent shortly)

The last few days I’ve been at the Newport Beach Film Fest and saw some great documentaries. Also saw A Kiss for Jed Wood, an Irish film, a sweet coming-of-middle-age-movie written by one old friend, directed by another and starring my ex-husband, which is how life sorta shakes out.

Meanwhile, Oscar winning director Kathyrn Bigelow and her Hurt Locker collaborator Mark Boale were developing a $20 million movie Kill Bin Laden based on the 2001 failed black ops mission. Oops, whatever, next? Or will the team rewrite and revise? And there are other OBL movies being tossed around, though we all know how it ends.

And movie/real life gets weirder: Are you sitting down? Terminator 5 is being shopped with former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger attached in a starring role.

In Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, John Conner, Kate Brewster and the Terminator were all still alive, so Ahnuld could live up to the series’ catch phrase. A few weeks ago the ex-gov told the Los Angeles Times:

I can step very comfortably into the entertainment world and do an action movie with the same violence that I’ve always done. I can have the same amount of heads coming off — and any other body parts — and as far as that goes, I don’t blink.

Does that mean he’ll do his own stunts? Maybe. More like, he didn’t get to do enough scorched-earth, kill ‘em all while in office, and since he’ll never get to blow stuff up as President, he’ll just get his rocks off on film (and hopefully filming in CA cuz we need the work!). Supposedly his next project is Cry Macho, a drama about a horse trainer who kidnaps his boss’ son.

But Terminator 5, with Schwarzenegger attached as the sparkly thing, is being shopped with no script. That’s right. No plot. It’s beyond Snakes on a Plane. Maybe it should be an existential, improvisational action film, John Cassavetes meets Michael Bay. And plot predictions/suggestions?

Maybe T5 and Bigelow’s Kill Bin Laden with a new ending could combine with Arnold’s cartoon project The Governator, featuring his voice and likeness… Yes, you read that right.