Rick Perry,  the American Family Association, International House of Prayer, John Hagee, and other evangelicals declared August 6 a Day of Prayer and Fasting. The internets, doing what we do best, are rallying back, proclaiming today as a Day of Debauchery & Gluttony.

Perry’s purportedly unpolitical un-party will be at Reliant Stadium in Houston. Yours can be anywhere!

And as you celebrate with cake, sex, and beverages of you choice, moan

Oh god! Oh my god!

a few times–with some thoughtful fasting between bites–just so Perry can feel the burn, since only 8,000 people have RSVP’ed to the stadium which holds 71, 500. Even though it’s free. Because staying home and watching  Scarface and The Godfather on AMC or A Serbian Film on DVD, feasting and fornicating, once in while occasionally thinking

Golly, I hope our country’s problems get solved fast, so everyone can have this much fun all the time. Heck, I wish that for the whole world! I am just so darn grateful!

makes much more sense for America. Plus then there’s no need to shell out $15 for parking at Reliant Stadium. Here’s Perry’s proclamation:

Given the trials that have beset our country and world – from the global economic downturn to natural disasters, the lingering danger of terrorism and wars that endanger our troops in Iraq, Afghanistan and theaters of conflict around the globe, and the decline of our culture in the context of the demise of families – it seems imperative that the people of our nation should once again join together for a solemn day of prayer and fasting on behalf of our troubled nation.

Oh come, come, Rick! What this country needs is more can-do spirit! And there’s no better way to express that fundamental desire than the pursuit of life, liberty and happiness. Which is what the Day of Debauchery and Glutton is really all about.

Painting: José Rodolfo Loaiza Ontiveros Torch Song Trilogy, from Disenchanted exhibition at La Luz de Jesus Gallery.

Photo 1: Screen shot from Electric Daisy Carnival Experience, dir. Kevin Kerslake

Photo 2: Lisa Derrick (wedding of Beth Moriarty & Ted Barrial)

I recently heard a radio call-in guest say she made her husband wear a condom. Wow. Okay then.

Along time ago, any STD you could catch could be cured with a dose of antibiotics and condoms were just for birth control.

Things changed thirty years ago with the first diagnosed case of HIV/AIDS, but well, since then some people have just gotten sloppy, think condoms suck, and/or have no clue. So for all you clueless lazy-boning latex un-likers, guess what? There’s a nifty new twist to an old school infection (and it’s not herpes, HPV or Hep-C, three more reasons to use a rubber).

Say hello to antibiotic resistant gonorrhea!  Yes, a strain of the crotch cootie immune to all antibiotic treatment was recently discovered in Japan, and scientists from the Swedish Reference Laboratory for Pathogenic Neisseria have just identified the genetic mutation responsible for the its extreme resistance to all cephalosporin-class antibiotics, the traditional prescriptions, in this new strain of Neisseria gonorrhoeae.

The Swedish Reference Laboratory’s Dr. Magnus Unemo was not surprised by the discovery of H041, as the new N. gonorrhoeae is called. He told the BBC:

Since antibiotics became the standard treatment for gonorrhea in the 1940s, this bacterium has shown a remarkable capacity to develop resistance mechanisms to all drugs introduced to control it.

While it is still too early to assess if this new strain has become widespread, the history of newly emergent resistance in the bacterium suggests that it may spread rapidly unless new drugs and effective treatment programs are developed.

According to the Centers for Disease Control, in United States, strains of gonorrhea have been resistant to penicillin and tetracycline became widespread by the early 1980s and are now treated with cephalosporin and either azithromycin or doxycycline.  H041 is reportedly resistant to all known forms of antibiotics.

Given that living things evolve as they reproduce, and bacteria reproduce pretty darn quickly, new drugs will eventually become obsolete, and ta da! Super-clap!

Gonorrhea is the most common sexually transmitted disease; the CDC  reports 700,000 new cases year. And most of these get treated with antibiotics, and some of those bacteria just might mutate…

So use a condom. BTW, 50% of women infected with gonorrhea are asymptomatic, as are 2% to 5% of men according to the BBC.

[photo: creative commons, Writing on the Mall]

TSA’s super-frisky frisking vs their really rad–as in radiation–full body scan prompted  witty  manufacturers to churn out underwear with the 4th Amendment  screened in metal ink. The magic undies send a firm message about privacy while shielding (what could be) the fun stuff  from prying eyes.

But  libertines, courtesans, romantics and even Ted Haggard had better think about what they’re packing in their hand-held luggage, since a Minnesota man, Terry Allen Lester,  has developed a new tool terrorists could use to shake things up: a remote controlled exploding vibrator. Lester had planned to send it to an ex-girlfriend as a holiday gift. Wow.

The Smoking Gun reports that Lester:

placed “gun powder, BB shot, and buck shot from shotgun shells” into the modified device, which had “black and red wires that connected to a trigger with a battery port,”allegedly was planning on giving the vibrator as a Christmas gift to one of three former girlfriends, with whom he had relationships that “ended badly.”… The woman who contacted police said Lester told her that “when the device was inserted into the female he would pull the trigger and it would blow them up.”

Lester, according to tsg:

also left behind tools, cords, cables, and the remains of a drill that was disassembled “to use the parts for the vibrator bomb.”

So first the threat of liquids led to  passengers being ordered to drink carry-on formula and breast milk; the shoe bomber made security lines even more sole-less;  the panty bomber and and rumors of  exploding breast implants gave us gate rape. But if you stop having sex the way you like it, then the terrorists (and uptight nutbags) have won. Keep America free by keeping her sexy!

So will  TSA  post a new sign telling travelers to put sex toys in plastic tray along with computers and cell phones and eagerly start rifling carry-ons for bullet-vibes, the rabbit and ben wa balls?  Is nothing sacred?!

I think Julian Assange’s penalty for four counts of  whatever the Swedes are calling it now should be a stint as global EFG poster boy for safe sex: