68% of Registered Republicans, 49% of Registered Democrats Believe in Demonic Possession

Why wasn’t demonic possession addressed in the Presidential debates?! Demons are obviously as important an issue as low/no taxes, denying reproductive and LGBT rights, and keeping semi-automatic rifles in the hands of God (and demon) fearing Americans, since according to a  poll conducted by Public Policy Polling, 68% of registered Republican voters believe in demonic possession. And it’s not just the GOP– 49% of Democratic voters also believe that demons can possess us.

Granted, one could argue that “demons” are negative impulses, psychological aberrations, mental illness etc., but in theology demons are disincarnate entities which occupy people and places and cause all kind of havoc. However, demons can be controlled and mastered, but this should only be done by individuals with proper training, not by anyone hanging out their shingle as an exorcist-or by depressed metal heads who have played Black Sabbath records backwards one too many times.

Nutbags are all too ready to blame anything and everything they dislike, fear or can’t explain on demons, witchcraft, voodoo, curses, and related supernatural concepts (which in all fairness, I believe in some of that stuff, too, though I use Occam’s Razor,  lex parsimoniae, first, before exploring other worldly causes, since resorting to “Curses! Witchcraft!” as the go-to for everything from lost keys and flickering light bulbs to a bad date is exhausting and silly. Usually there are simple, mundane explanations for stuff).

Some major questions that should be explored regarding demonic possession: How many politicians do believers feel are possessed? Is outsourcing of jobs caused by demonic possession? Can Wall Street be exorcised? And what strange malignant force, what ancient unnamed evil controls Dick Cheney?

Ricky Martin: Another Celebrity Signs on for Obama, Mitt Romney Eats at Chipotle

Blaabbeando reports that triple threat Ricky Martin (Hispanic, a parent and gay) is supporting Obama. In this all-Spanish ad, Ricky says:

Considera esto, somos 50 millones de hispanoamericanos en los Estados Unidos—nuestro voto decidirá esta elección.
(Take this into account, we are 50 million Hispanic-Americans in the United States – our vote will decide this election.)

To even things out, Mitt Romney went to Chipotle Grill where he was photo-carpet bombed by one male Chipotle team member, while the two women in the photo held hands.

The image has gone viral. Can you come up with a caption?

Saturday Night Live Leaks “Romney Videos”

 

Hell hath no fury like a sketch comedy show shunned. In his leaked fund-raising video, Mitt Romney told his supporters why he wouldn’t appear on the Saturday Night Live:

And– and there’s– I was asked to go on Saturday Night Live.  I– I did not do that in part because you– you wanna show that you’re fun and you’re a good person, but you don’t wanna– you– you also wanna be presidential.  And Saturday Night Live has the potential of– of looking slapstick and not– and not presidential.

Now NBC has released a sketch from SNL skewering Rmoney’s leaked video, featuring Jason Sudekis as the candidate, that paints Mittens as racist, out of touch, and hating the poor in a series of secretly recorded videos airing on Fox and Friends.

For good measure, SNL goofs on “Fox and Friends” Along with satirizing the hosts’ gig as Rmoney apologists, a series of fact checker corrections scroll at the end of the segment, including:

A wind turbine has never cut off the head of a pretty girl in a convertible…The Negro League is not ‘back and better than ever.’

 

HT: The Wrap

Hot Dudes Demand “Disclosure” from Romney

Nothing like watching beautiful men frolicking poolside while demanding full disclosure from Mitt Romney. This catchy tune demanding that Mitt reveal all comes from Full Frontal Freedom and is based on the Irish-Brit band One Direction’s hit “What Makes You Beautiful.” This version is better!

You won’t admit what you’re hiding down below
You’ve got to disclose!
You won’t show
What you’re hiding down below
You’ve got to disclose!

Olympics: Romney’s Rafalca Squeaks By

Ann Romney’s pretty pony Rafalca managed to waltz her way into the freestyle dressage competition, earning the 18th and final spot in Thursday, August 9′s freestyle dressage.

While Rafalca’s rider, Jan Ebling, and the fancy horse finished 30th overall in the individual dressage on Friday August 1, and 13th on in the earlier competition the day before,  they will be part of the Grand Prix team competition on Tuesday, August 7.

Pundit William Kristol speculated that Rafalca has delayed Mitt Rmoney’s picking of a vice-presidential running mate; Stephen Colbert dangled the idea that Rmoney might pick Rafalca for the VP spot.

Hey, it worked for Caligula and Incitatus.

Photo: Screenshot from Colbert Report

Obama Better Able to Handle Space Aliens Than Romney, Say Majority of Americans

Nearly two-thirds of Americans surveyed by National Geographic TV think that President Barack Obama would be better able to handle an alien invasion (oh noes, watch out for the 4th or 5th Marcab Invader Fleet!) than putative Republican nominee Mitt Romney.

More than two in three (68%) women say that Obama would be more adept at dealing with an alien invasion than Romney, vs. 61 percent of men. And more younger citizens, ages 18 to 64 years, than those aged 65+ (68% vs. 50%) think Romney would not be as well-suited as Obama to handle an alien invasion.

(No word as to which candidate would be more effective during a zombie apocalypse.)

We’ll just have to wait and see who The Alien endorses in Weekly World News. In 2008 he floofed his goof, backing John McCain, the first time his favored candidate lost.

Mitt Romney: Host Spot on Saturday Night Live?

 

Okay, if this happens, it would be so utterly whack >9000: Mitt Romney hosting Saturday Night Live.

Lorne Michaels, the venerable show’s venerable producer has reportedly offered the GOP candidate with the most delegates a chance to host SNL. And Willard Mittens Rmoney is said to be considering it. If he does, he’ll be the first presidential candidate since 1996 to host, though since 2000 all candidates have appeared on the New York-based show show. The last presidential candidate to host was Steve Forbes, and we all know what happened there.

Imagine the hilarity ensuing as skits feature proxy baptism, polygamy, Ann’s job riding an Austrian Warmblood, and of course the dog on the roof. Hey, maybe they could make him play a gay character. Mitt’s wooden delivery and weak, feeble attempts at humor could make his foray into funny unintentionally spit-take worthy.

Late Night FDL: Hot Mic Merriment

At least Obama has a sense of humor plus some timing and delivery, which is more than can be said about Rmoney, Frothy Santorum, the Gin Grinch, or Grandpa Ron Paul. Or for that matter, Sarah Palin who wooden delivery on the Today Show, coupled with her grating voice, and robotic repetition of

socialist policies

was tragic.  Fred Karger is funny and as a former actor  can deliver witty remarks, but MSM forgets he’s running.  Here’s what Obama said today:

REMARKS BY THE PRESIDENT

AT THE ASSOCIATED PRESS LUNCHEON

Marriott Wardman Park

Washington, D.C.

THE PRESIDENT:  Thank you very much.  (Applause.)  Please have a seat.  Well, good afternoon, and thank you to Dean Singleton and the board of the Associated Press for inviting me here today.  It is a pleasure to speak to all of you — and to have a microphone that I can see.  (Laughter.)  Feel free to transmit any of this to Vladimir if you see him.  (Laughter.)

Clearly, we’re already in the beginning months of another long, lively election year.  There will be gaffes and minor controversies, be hot mics and Etch-a-Sketch moments.  You will cover every word that we say, and we will complain vociferously about the unflattering words that you write — unless, of course, you’re writing about the other guy — in which case, good job.  (Laughter.)

Romney Supporter Jeff Foxworthy Launches Bible Game Show

Jeff Foxworthy, best known for his

You might be a redneck

schtick and creating the game show “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” is bringing Americans another chance to test their ignorance on television with “The American Bible Challenge” which will pit teams of contestants representing

worthy faith-based organizations

against each other as they try to answers questions

designed to acknowledge and celebrate the Bible’s continuing importance in contemporary life and culture.

This descriptions raises more questions than it answers:

1) Who decides what are worthy faith-based organizations?
2) Will atheists and non-Christians be banned, even though they may have astounding Biblical knowledge?
3) What translation of the Bible will be used as the ultimate authority?
4) Will both Old and New Testament be used?
5) What about the Deuterocanonical texts which are accepted and included in their Bibles by Catholics, both Roman and Orthodox, but not by Protestants?
6) What about the Book of Mormon?
7) Will there be questions about Lot’s daughters, Noah’s sons, David and Bathsheba, how the serpent got around before God declared “upon thy belly shalt thou go” and other conundrums?
8) Did Jesus ride a dinosaur?
9) Who wrote the Bible?
10) And most importantly, will those who miss an answer be tossed into the fiery pit?

Considering that in the five years Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader has been on the air, only two people, Georgia Superintendent of Schools Kathy Cox and Nobel Prize in Physics laureate George Smoot, have answered the final question correctly, “The American Bible Challenge” has the potential to embarrass and humiliate so many self-righteous people.

As of late, Foxworthy has been palling around with Mitten$ Rmoney, joining him to campaign in Alabama and endorsing him on Twitter thusly:

Time for Republicans to unite behind Governor Romney, a great leader who can win the White House and rebuild our economy for all Americans.

Among the consulting producers on “The American Bible Challenge” is the non-profit Odyssey Networks which has a video exploring the theological divide between Mormons and Evangelicals, and raises a question that Foxworthy seems to be answering in the affirmative for his fans:

Is America ready for a Mormon President?

 

[HT: Washington Post]

Late Night FDL: GOP Candidates Go Phallic With Code Names

Mitten$ Rmoney and Rick “Frothy” Santorum’s Secret Service code names–which the candidates chose themselves–reflect a certain cockiness and focus on their manliness, and in Romney’s case, a slight Oedipal overreach around. Rmoney’s code name “Javelin,” hypothesizes GQ which first reported the top sekrit pseudonyms,

is a reference to the ’60s muscle car made by American Motors Corporation, the company once run by George Romney.

Mitten$’ dad George ran for President in 1968, despite being born on foreign soil. And of course, javelins are long sticks thrown in track competitions, so the phallic symbolism is rather clear.

Rick Santorum chose an even more multi-layered named, “Petrus,” Latin for Peter, and translating to rock. Along from its popular meaning throughout the English speaking world as a slang term for “penis,” “Peter” is, of course, Jesus’ sidekick, his second in command, the “rock” on which Jesus wanted to build his church.

And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

Peter also famously denied Jesus three times, making him kind of a weasel, and proving that Jesus was psychic.

And he said, I tell thee, Peter, the cock shall not crow this day, before that thou shalt thrice deny that thou knowest me.

Choosing this nickname is pretty self-aggrandizing. Like, is Santorum saying he’s gonna be Peter as in Jesus’ best bud; and if elected, God help us all, build (his version) of Jesus’ church in America?

Ah, but there is a third even more secret meaning to Petrus: Château Pétrus is one of the world’s most expensive and lauded wines, hailing from a small estate in the Bordeaux region of France, with an average bottle price of $2,790, though prices for older bottles can easily rise to five figures.

So, elitist vintage? Jesus’ righthand dude deep in denial? Or just a dick?

Meanwhile, in response to “Game On,”–the execrably frothy Santorum singalong from teen sisters Camille and Haley Harris, who go by the name First Love Band — a 12-year old boy wrote this ditty and then directed the video himself:

Archived Posts

Close