Orrin Hatch Insults Obama, Accusing POTUS of Sporting “Hipster Fedora”

Hipsters hate to be called hipsters. In fact “hipster”  the most insulting thing you can call a guy who wears vintage tee shirts, a clashing alpaca sweater and elaborately shaped, waxed facial hair, topped off with a weensy pork pie hat-cum-childlike fedora (the female version is usually seen clad in a polka dot “barbecue dress”). Both sexes usually sport tattoos and will don oversized  glasses, whether they need them or not. The hipster fuel of choice is caffeine by day, Pabst Blue Ribbon when the sun sets, and combo of the two after midnight.

So Senator Orrin Hatch totally dissed POTUS when he said:

President Obama has traded in the hard hat and lunch bucket category of the Democratic Party for the hipster fedora and a double skim latte.*

One sure sign of hipsters is that they will deny being hipsters, so there’s nothing the President can say to slough off this vilification.

The only possible way  Obama can counter Hatch’s insult is to just go full Brony and admit to basing his foreign and domestic policies on My Little Pony Friendship is Magic.


* Hatch’s ability to discern socio-cultural trends is slightly off base here. Some hipsters do carry lunchbuckets–usually vintage ones featuring beloved icons like Tron, the Hardy Boys or the Dukes of Hazzard–which are used in place of a satchels or purses.

 

[HT: Gawker]

FBI WARNS: Tattoo Shops To Be on Alert for Customers Paying Cash

Paying cash for that long-awaited tattoo of  Derpy Hooves or Rainbow Dash holding a PBR could get you questioned by the FBI, especially if you and your Bronies all go for My Little Ponies inked  on your inner calves.

Publicintelligence.com has compiled a collection of Communities Against Terrorism fliers created by the FBI and Bureau of Justice Assistance and

distributed to local businesses in a variety of industries to promote suspicious activity reporting. The flyers are not released publicly, though several have been published in the past by news media and various law enforcement agencies around the country.

The fliers all warn against people who

Insist on paying with cash or uses credit card(s) in different name(s)

[sic] Damn, that phrase’s grammar is fail!  And it’s on several of their fliers! Anyway…

The flier entitled “Potential Indicators of Terrorist Activities Related to Tattoo Shops” presents some real issues for tattoo shop owners (who actually prefer cash), since most of the indicators of a “terrorist” actually match demographic subsets of the larger Hipster Community:

•    Significantly alters appearance from visit to visit (shaving beard,
changing hair color, style of dress, etc) [Hipster]
•    Have missing hand/fingers, chemical burns, strange odors or bright colored stains on clothing [Hipster/artist/Burning Man attendee/trustafarian on an experimental psychotropic binge]
•   Make suspicious comments regarding anti-US, radical theology, vague or cryptic warnings that suggest or appear to endorse the use of violence in support of a cause. [Hipster who has read too much poli sci and Robert Anton Wilson, or falls asleep listening to Coast to Coast/trustafarian on an experimental psychotropic binge]

The tattoo shop flier also alerts staff to be wary of groups who

Make repeated returns with multiple individuals requesting identical tattoos.

You know, like rock bands and their girlfriends, frat boys. And Bronies.

(The FBI already considers the Jugalos, followers of the band Insane Clown Posse to be a gang, though the pierced, tattooed and heavy made up clan of thousands who gather annually at Hogrock Campgrounds in Cave-in-Rock, Illinois maintain:

Juggalos are NOT a gang [W]e are family whoop whoop.

I think the FBI sending a a team to infiltrate Gathering of the Juggalos is the premise for a really bad movie. But think of the soundtrack possibilities!)

Despite this hysterical headline:

FBI Says Paying for Your Morning Coffee with Cash a Potential Terrorist activity, Urges Coffee Shop Owners to Report Cash-Paying Customers to Authorities

there is nothing in the CAT program about using cash at Intelligentsia (or heavens forfend if you’re in the ‘burbs, at a Starbies), though proprietors of “internet cafes” (do those even exist anymore with so many places WiFi-ed?) should be wary of those who

•    Are overly concerned about privacy, attempts to shield the screen from view of others
•    Always pay cash or use credit card(s) in different name(s)
•    Apparently use tradecraft: lookout, blocker or someone to distract employees
•    Act nervous or suspicious behavior inconsistent with activities
•    Are observed switching SIM cards in cell phone or use of multiple cell phones
•    Travel illogical distance to use Internet Café
Activities on Computer indicate:
•    Evidence of a residential based internet provider (signs on to Comcast, AOL, etc.)
•    Use of anonymizers, portals, or other means to shield IP address
•    Suspicious or coded writings, use of code word sheets, cryptic ledgers, etc.
•    Encryption or use of software to hide encrypted data in digital photos, etc.
•    Suspicious communications using VOIP or communicating through a PC game

Though really any combination of those could indicate a screenwriter, gamer, cheating spouse, or  the blogger whose home computer crashed…

[H/T: Natural News]

[Photo and tattoo artwork: Broken Art Tattoo in Silver Lake, CA;  via creative commons]


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