Obama Better Able to Handle Space Aliens Than Romney, Say Majority of Americans

Nearly two-thirds of Americans surveyed by National Geographic TV think that President Barack Obama would be better able to handle an alien invasion (oh noes, watch out for the 4th or 5th Marcab Invader Fleet!) than putative Republican nominee Mitt Romney.

More than two in three (68%) women say that Obama would be more adept at dealing with an alien invasion than Romney, vs. 61 percent of men. And more younger citizens, ages 18 to 64 years, than those aged 65+ (68% vs. 50%) think Romney would not be as well-suited as Obama to handle an alien invasion.

(No word as to which candidate would be more effective during a zombie apocalypse.)

We’ll just have to wait and see who The Alien endorses in Weekly World News. In 2008 he floofed his goof, backing John McCain, the first time his favored candidate lost.

Late Night FDL: GOP Candidates Go Phallic With Code Names

Mitten$ Rmoney and Rick “Frothy” Santorum’s Secret Service code names–which the candidates chose themselves–reflect a certain cockiness and focus on their manliness, and in Romney’s case, a slight Oedipal overreach around. Rmoney’s code name “Javelin,” hypothesizes GQ which first reported the top sekrit pseudonyms,

is a reference to the ’60s muscle car made by American Motors Corporation, the company once run by George Romney.

Mitten$’ dad George ran for President in 1968, despite being born on foreign soil. And of course, javelins are long sticks thrown in track competitions, so the phallic symbolism is rather clear.

Rick Santorum chose an even more multi-layered named, “Petrus,” Latin for Peter, and translating to rock. Along from its popular meaning throughout the English speaking world as a slang term for “penis,” “Peter” is, of course, Jesus’ sidekick, his second in command, the “rock” on which Jesus wanted to build his church.

And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

Peter also famously denied Jesus three times, making him kind of a weasel, and proving that Jesus was psychic.

And he said, I tell thee, Peter, the cock shall not crow this day, before that thou shalt thrice deny that thou knowest me.

Choosing this nickname is pretty self-aggrandizing. Like, is Santorum saying he’s gonna be Peter as in Jesus’ best bud; and if elected, God help us all, build (his version) of Jesus’ church in America?

Ah, but there is a third even more secret meaning to Petrus: Château Pétrus is one of the world’s most expensive and lauded wines, hailing from a small estate in the Bordeaux region of France, with an average bottle price of $2,790, though prices for older bottles can easily rise to five figures.

So, elitist vintage? Jesus’ righthand dude deep in denial? Or just a dick?

Meanwhile, in response to “Game On,”–the execrably frothy Santorum singalong from teen sisters Camille and Haley Harris, who go by the name First Love Band — a 12-year old boy wrote this ditty and then directed the video himself:

GOP Race: Fred Karger Beats Ron Paul in Puerto Rico Primary

Lawn sign supporting Karger in Los Angeles

Fred Karger–the openly gay, Jewish, pro-choice, pro-LGBT, pro-pot, anti-war GOP candidate–beat Ron Paul in the Puerto Rico primary Sunday. In New Hampshire, Karger beat out Michele Bachmann.

Karger, who has no SuperPAC and despite qualifying for the GOP debates has been excluded from the podium, traveled to Puerto Rico in advance of the primary, spending six days on the island campaigning:

We spent the past 6 days campaigning hard in Puerto Rico and it worked.  Ron Paul has been in all 20 debates, raised $35 million, and has 80% name identification and it looks like we beat him with our message of jobs now, moderation and inclusion.

Karger’s strategy–meeting with Republican leaders, students, the LGBT Community and lots of voters over the last six days, a  Spanish-language television commercial, “Hola Puerto Rico” and passing out lots of Frisbees–paid off.

It should be interesting to see how Karger, who is vastly underspending his fellow GOP candidates, fares in the upcoming primaries. I hope he gets on Colbert, and makes it into the debates.

Mitten$ Rmoney won the Puerto Rico primary by a landslide.

 

Late Night FDL: Cats, Kittens, Mittens and Santorum

 

Let’s face it, we know the Internet was invented to showcase cats, and we may have reached the absolute end of the Internet with this latest entry into politics. However, Hank the Cat may face some obstacles in his Senate run, because well, you have to be (technically) human to be elected. Rombot: Barely human.

However Hank is unlikely to cough up a hairball over the separation of church and state, something that makes Rick Santorum throw up. What else might make Santorum spew puke? But now, like a dog, Frothy Mix Rick wants to eat the words he vomited about JFK, telling Laura Ingraham:

I wish I had that particular line back.

He went on to say:

I think we need to have a free exercise of religion in this country and it’s important for those First Amendment freedoms to be alive and well in America.

So that means he’d be cool with an endorsement from Druids, Wiccans and Aleister Crowely’s Ordo Templi Orientis? What about the Temple of Set and the Church of Satan? Just checking. ‘Cause you know, free exercise of religion means freedom for all religions to exercise. And some of them exercise in the nude.

Meanwhile in Michigan, Democrats have been voting for Santorum against Romney in the primary. Good strategy or bad?


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