Holy Trinity! Jesus Is the New Third Party Candidate!

Ross Perot in 1992. Nader in 2000. And now in the 21st Century: JESUS FOR PRESIDENT!!!

Over 1.4 million Americans have signed a pledge to vote for Jesus on November 6th as a write-in candidate because, according to evangelist Bill Keller, founder of the Internet ministry liveprayer.com:

President Obama has proven by his words and deeds to be a true enemy of God as detailed in James 4:4. He has been the most pro-death President in history, supporting the legalized slaughter of innocent babies here and around the world, he is a staunch advocate of the radical homosexual agenda, and he has been a great friend to the enemies of Israel. On every major spiritual issue of the day, President Obama has proven to be an enemy of God and a true tool of Satan!

Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney is a 5th generation member and a priest in the satanically inspired Mormon cult. He and others in his cult LIE when they claim to be Christians, since Mormon doctrine is 100% inconsistent with Biblical Christianity and a Mormon is no more a Christian than a Muslim is. He deceives people by saying he believes in “God” and “Jesus” is his savior, when the “god” of Romney’s cult is NOT the God of the Bible, and their “jesus” is NOT the Jesus of the Bible. Romney and those in his cult believe the Bible to be a flawed and incomplete book and look at Biblical Christians as inferior and non-believers for rejecting the beliefs of their cult.

Considering Perot got just over 19 million votes (18.9% of the popular vote, but none of the electoral votes), and Nader’s 100,000 votes in Florida supposedly cost Al Gore the Presidential election,  The Son of God’s appearance in the ballot box could be a game changer for one of the parties, especially in swing states. Keller writes:

I am encouraging true followers of Jesus Christ to say NO to Satan and say YES to Jesus! This November, write in the name JESUS for President! The option will be several third party candidates. Sadly, no candidate outside of the two major parties have any chance at winning the election. So rather than vote for a third party candidate, write in the name of Jesus for President.

Your vote for JESUS is not helping President Obama get re-elected, nor is it helping Mitt Romney get elected, it is telling Satan you will not be responsible for either of his tools becoming our next President!

However those votes for Jesus won’t get Christ elected to the Oval Office, first of all because he is currently disincarnate, and in many states, write-in candidates don’t count unless the candidate has filed an affidavit, which is hard to do if you don’t have a meat suit. Other states will not count write-in votes. And then there’s that pesky issue about needing a birth certificate for proof of citizenship.

Meanwhile, Jesus’ campaign manager the Rev Keller wants us all to remember that:

If President Obama is re-elected, his anti-American, socialist policies will continue, as will his attacks on Christianity and Christian churches. He will continue to support abortion, homosexuality, the enemies of Israel…

If Mitt Romney is elected, he will be the fulfillment of his cult’s polygamist, pedophile, racist, con artist, murdering founder Joseph Smith’s “White Horse” prophecy that Romney and all Mormon’s believe. That prophecy says that the United States will facing great economic and social unrest, a Mormon will be elected President, declare a national emergency and set aside the US Constitution and enact a Mormon theocracy. That may sound impossible, but ever since he was at BYU, Romney was called by his inner circle “the chosen one” to fulfill their cult’s prophecy.

Rev. Keller’s logic for a pro-Jesus vote is simple:

Sadly, most Christians are so appalled at President Obama’s opposition to God on every major spiritual issue of the day, they are willing to put politics above souls. The justification is that Romney is the lesser of two evils. My friend, the lesser of two evils is still EVIL!

But for those who believe that this is America, where we demand and deserve the best–

 

[HT: Bruce Wilson, Talk2Action]

Clint Eastwood’s Daughter: Not Voting for Mitt

Clint Eastwood’s daughter Francesca told TMZ that she won’t be voting for Mitt Romney, despite her father’s endorsement of the GOP candidate. When asked about her voting plans, Francesca

I happen to not be voting for the same man. But I love that he [my dad] stands up for what he believes in.

This will be Francesca’s first time voting; she is 18.

Francesca, her siblings and stepmother Dina Eastwood (not to be confused with Dina Lohan, troubled former child actress Lindsay Lohan’s equally troubled mother) are all part of a reality show Mrs. Eastwood & Company that follows Mrs. Eastwood as she tries to manage a boy-band and handle being the (very well-funded) mother of (very well-funded) teenagers.  Poor Clint, no wonder he talks to empty chairs, his family sounds bonkers. But at least Francesca has her own opinion.

Disagreeing with one’s parents on politics is a normal part of being an adult whether in real life or on TV (remember Meathead, Rob Reiner’s character on All in the Family?). And gods know, I nearly ruined a family meal when my mother said that Marcos had been good for the Philippines!  In what universe?!   If the facepalm.jpg had existed back then, I would have thought it.

Back to Francesca–it remains to be seen if politics will play a part in Mrs. Eastwood & Company. Clint seems a bit nonplussed about his missus’ project, as evidenced by his appearance last month on Ellen. He also seemed a bit disenchanted with the GOP as well. And his distaste for Francesca’s boyfriend is very clear!

Stereotypes Begin Somewhere: Meet the Lingerie Model Who’s Voting for Mitt

 

Meet Trisha Patyas, lingerie model, self-proclaimed tanorexic, frequent reality show participant,  and

aspiring entrepreneur…er girl.

A few years ago, Trisha appeared on Tyra Banks’ talk show as a girl who gets her hair extensions removed. She was also featured on Millionaire Matchmaker as herself, America’s Got Talent as herself, Who Wants to Date a Comedian as herself; and for a tragic quick fame fix, on Judge Alex as herself, in a tussle of over paying her sister for hair dressing services. There are lots of YouTube videos of Trish as herself, talking about herself–and the products she buys and enjoys. She also has a blog where she writes about herself–and the products she buys and enjoys.

A Mitt Romney supporter who seems to be vying for Victoria Jackson’s seat on the  conservative fame whore crazy train, Trisha, a Catholic, wants everyone to know that she’s voting for Mitt

even though he’s not even Christian–he’s a Mormon

But he’s  super hot and gorgeous,

and we haven’t had a hot president since Kennedy, and we all know how that ended.

And because she has a kitten named Mittens who she calls Mitts.

So yay!  That’s like, a sign, right? And Mitt rhymes with tit! Just kidding! And I have two of those! No, that’s not the reason why I’m voting for him.

But she does think Mitt has a good running mate,

Ryan…It’s Ryan something, but I can’t remember,

unlike Sarah Palin who Trisha didn’t like, and who Trish feels cost McCain the election. Speaking of women, Trisha  reminds us that

All those who are saying like Republicans don’t like women, or whatever, well like, they are married to them. Whatever.

And while she admits she could

use some free Obamacare or whatever he’s pitching out there, I can’t vote for him, because he gonna take away my right to be a Catholic which he basically already has, and it’s turning into a tyranny, like socialism, like Mexico in the 1940s.

Best of all: Trisha is unsure if it was Ronald Reagan or Al Gore who promoted the

kinda liberal

“Vote or Die” slogan. (Neither. The slogan came out of Citizen Change, founded by P. Diddy in 2004, when John Kerry was the Democratic candidate running against George W. Bush). Ronald Reagan or Al Gore: Kinda liberal. You can’t make this stuff up!

Her video will make you weep for America. And throw up a little in your mouth. Don’t watch it while enjoying a beverage or you’ll spray the computer.

.

Late Night: Candidates Get Jiggy

The debates are tomorrow! (I’ll be at the opera, seeing Don Giovanni with the sublime milliner Satanica Batcakes sharing the balcony box with me. But I’m TiVoing them). Expect lots of goofy videos post-debates, but here are a few culled from the intertubes showing the huge affect elections have on pop culture including, of course, celebrity reminders to get out the vote.

Chuck Norris’ call to GOTV is especially interesting because he is making a direct reference to the Dark Ages, and calling for conservative Christians to vote in order to prevent

a thousand years of darkness.

the during the so-called “Dark Ages,” lasting from the Fall of Rome usually given as 476 and depending on your historical bent and knowledge, lasting through to 1000 or to the 14th Century. But how dark were they? Well dark because we don’t have that much knowledge about them. Christianity was expanding.  And of course it was the age of Muslim expansion as well. So wait, is Chuck Norris claiming that if Christians don’t vote, Christianity will expand? Or that Islam will expand? Or that we will have “darkness” because the internets will crash and thus all of future generations’ knowledge about LOLcats will be destroyed much like  the dark ages are considered dark because we don’t have a lot of information about them?

Just vote, okay?

Saturday Night Live Leaks “Romney Videos”

 

Hell hath no fury like a sketch comedy show shunned. In his leaked fund-raising video, Mitt Romney told his supporters why he wouldn’t appear on the Saturday Night Live:

And– and there’s– I was asked to go on Saturday Night Live.  I– I did not do that in part because you– you wanna show that you’re fun and you’re a good person, but you don’t wanna– you– you also wanna be presidential.  And Saturday Night Live has the potential of– of looking slapstick and not– and not presidential.

Now NBC has released a sketch from SNL skewering Rmoney’s leaked video, featuring Jason Sudekis as the candidate, that paints Mittens as racist, out of touch, and hating the poor in a series of secretly recorded videos airing on Fox and Friends.

For good measure, SNL goofs on “Fox and Friends” Along with satirizing the hosts’ gig as Rmoney apologists, a series of fact checker corrections scroll at the end of the segment, including:

A wind turbine has never cut off the head of a pretty girl in a convertible…The Negro League is not ‘back and better than ever.’

 

HT: The Wrap

#DEFENDTHEARTS: Graffiti Artist Will Take to the Skies to Protest Romney’s Art Elimination Plans

Mitt Romney said that if elected he’ll eliminate The National Endowment for the Arts, NPR and PBS. Acclaimed graffiti artist Saber–whose work was featured in two museum exhibitions, MoCA Los Angeles’s blockbuster “Art in the Streets”  and “Street Cred” at the Pasadena Museum of California Art–is designing a sky-high protest of Rmoney’s plans to gut the arts in America:

This extreme conservative has no appreciation for the arts or American culture, despite the fact that creative people are the backbone of this country. It’s time to fight back and prevent these publicly funded and uniquely American organizations from being eliminated. To do this, I’m going to use the same tactic that I used last year that successfully generated much press and attention in both the real and internet worlds: BY TAKING OVER THE SKIES.

Last year, to protest Los Angeles’ moratorium on murals Saber raised funds for five skywriting planes to deliver a message to the City Council and Mayor Villaragosa. The words

#ART IS NOT A CRIME

#END THE MURAL MORATORIUM

hung in the blue skies above city hall.

Here’s Saber’s plan:

For over an hour, a fleet of skywriters will circle a major US city (or cities, depending on the amount raised), using 250 characters to create provocative statements that are visible from 20+ miles away. By incorporating social media like Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook, I will generate global attention and direct personal involvement from supporters of the Arts, at all levels. The more money that is generated the more I can extend this project to other cities.

*I NEED YOUR HELP to hire the fleet and document the taking over of the American skies. Don’t let Mitt Romney eliminate these programs that help define our American cultural experience and that are vital to our country’s future. #DefendTheArts

Saber is soliciting donations ranging from $75 to $99,000, and donors who contribute before 12:01am on Saturday, September 21 will receive a limited edition print.

Saber points out why art is important for America:

1.Stronger communities . . . University of Pennsylvania researchers have demonstrated that a high concentration of the arts in a city leads to higher civic engagement, more social cohesion, higher child welfare, and lower poverty rates. A vibrant arts community ensures that young people are not left to be raised solely in a pop culture and tabloid marketplace.

2.Arts are an Industry . . . Arts organizations are responsible businesses, employers, and consumers. Nonprofit arts organizations generate $135 billion in economic activity annually, supporting 4.1 million jobs and generating $22.3 billion in government revenue. Investment in the arts supports jobs, generates tax revenues, promotes tourism, and advances our creativity-based economy.

3.Arts are an export industry . . . U.S. exports of arts goods (e.g., movies, paintings, jewelry) grew to $64 billion in 2010, while imports were just $23 billion—a $41 billion arts trade surplus in 2010.

Saber also urges anyone interested in the arts in America to visit usa.arts.org to learn more about saving the arts.

 

H/T: CARTWHEEL

Late Night: The Dumbing of America

 

This song by Randy Newman is a parody. Not the funniest parody, not super satirically biting, and minus the images, it looses a lot. But sadly there are a number of commentors on YouTube that just don’t get that.  Is America getting stupider? Both Clint “I figure if somebody’s dumb enough to ask me to go to a political convention and say something, they’re gonna have to take what they get” Eastwood and Rick Santorum seem to think a large percentage is.

 

 

Late Night: Romney’s Rafalca Folds, But Could Spawn a Hot ‘n’ Sexy Industry

Mitt Romney’s (wife’s) dancing horsey Rafalca flubbed her Olympic performance, but hay hey the old gal could still be a money maker for Rmoney–and not by being retired to the glue factory or turned into a breed mare. How about a whole line of Rafalca latex wear for seksy time?! Pony play is big in the fetish community, here’s a way for Mitt to create jobs by creating the Rafalca line of latex and leather goods–and improve couples’ (straight, married only ’cause that’s how Mitt rides) love lives!

The window exhibit at our local Silver Lake BDSM boutique Stockroom features what to me is definitely a Rafalca-inspired installation. They also stock a complete line of pony play items, including harnesses, bits, latex hooves, horse hair tails (use your imagination for how those are held in place) as well as machines which simulate bareback riding. ‘Nuff said, and NSFW.

Speaking of horseback riding, maybe Mitt could figure out a way to import these awesome exercise devices to the U.S. of A (or better yet, have them manufactured here!), and then put Ann and Rafalca’s horse team in a very tasteful infomercial for a horseback riding exercise device, explaining how fun and good for the thighs, back and core muscles horseback riding is. Kinda like Cindy Crawford advertising Relentless Beauty or whatever that French face goo from melons is called.

 

photo 1: Cindy Schwarzstein

photo 2: Lisa Derrick

 

Olympics: Romney’s Rafalca Squeaks By

Ann Romney’s pretty pony Rafalca managed to waltz her way into the freestyle dressage competition, earning the 18th and final spot in Thursday, August 9′s freestyle dressage.

While Rafalca’s rider, Jan Ebling, and the fancy horse finished 30th overall in the individual dressage on Friday August 1, and 13th on in the earlier competition the day before,  they will be part of the Grand Prix team competition on Tuesday, August 7.

Pundit William Kristol speculated that Rafalca has delayed Mitt Rmoney’s picking of a vice-presidential running mate; Stephen Colbert dangled the idea that Rmoney might pick Rafalca for the VP spot.

Hey, it worked for Caligula and Incitatus.

Photo: Screenshot from Colbert Report

Insane Clown Posse: Juggalos for Mitt Romney

Juggalos for Mitt. Yes, it exists. After Rmoney’s win in Michigan reports surfaced that

Insane Clown Posse will be out feverishly rallying people, and Juggalos, to get out and vote for Mitt Romney.

I guess you shouldn’t judge candidates by their followers, and maybe this is a joke, but I kinda think not. I hope Mitt can be talked into appearing at the Gathering of the Juggalos for a special speech. That would be rad!

Archived Posts

Close