Since it’s GOP primary night, time for gratuitously juvenile, R-rated Late Night.

This nifty little video points out that if conservatives think fornication is just about making babies, they are missing out on a lot of action. I’m surprised One Million Moms, Focus on the Family, NOM and others aren’t up in arms over this product, which turns an appetizer into dinner, providing an assist for anyone who may not enjoy the flavor, while eliminating the opportunity for sperm and ovum to unite.

We understand that, for some, the tastes associated with fellatio can make the act less than enjoyable. And so, five years ago we came up with an idea. An idea that could change the way some people viewed the taste of semen and any negative effects it has on their oral sex experience. That’s why Masque™ was developed. We believe we’re not only making quality products to enhance personal intimacy, we’re changing the way people think and talk about foreplay around the world.

And according to the Arizona ACLU, new legislation proposed

could give employers the right to fire women who use birth control. The bill, which sailed right through the state’s Senate Judiciary Committee, grants employers the right to ask for proof that contraceptives are being taken for non-contraceptive reasons.

Arizona House Bill 2625, authored by Majority Whip Debbie Lesko, R-Glendale, would permit employers to ask their employees for proof of medical prescription if they seek contraceptives for non-reproductive purposes, such as hormone control or acne treatment.

“I believe we live in America. We don’t live in the Soviet Union,” Lesko said. “So, government should not be telling the organizations or mom and pop employers to do something against their moral beliefs.”

And truly if the only reason the Religious Rightwing can come up with for sex is making babies, then seriously, we are fucked. And not in a good way.

March 10 HBO brings us “Game Change” which could be construed as a comedy, but isn’t, about the 2008 election, focusing specifically on John McCain’s choice for running mate: Sarah Palin.

Naturally SarahPAC had some strong words:

Pay channel HBO has produced another docudrama based on the political arena. This time it is a subscription-only television movie sensationalizing 40 pages of a three-year-old book about the 2008 presidential election…

The docudrama Game Change has not been released, but the content and clips available and scenes as reported by the media make it clear that HBO studio heads decided they would generate more profit by inventing facts and scenes for the purpose of fictionalizing a history written by people with no personal knowledge of the situations they attempt to depict.

Now wait a goldarn minute: Isn’t basing one’s viewpoint on just a snippet something the neo-cons claim the gotcha, drive-by-media does? Shouldn’t Palin, SarahPAC and the right just wait and watch the whole docudrama before passing an opinion? All I can say is

There they ago again

and Palin has created a response called “Fact Change”

I loved Bea Arthur, one of the funniest women in comedy. Maude, her 1970s era sitcom spin-off from All in the Family was groundbreaking. Golden Girls made her an icon. And as the below (semi-NSFW) video, her last performance shows, she never lost her stride.

The day after her death, on April 27, 2009  a letter was released by PETA, the People for Ethical Treatment of Animals, from Bea Arthur to acclaimed chef Curtis Stone, pleading with him to stop using foie gras. That was, according to PETA, her dying wish. Arthur was an honorary director for the animal rights group.

Arthur also campaigned to get foie gras banned in California, and that ban will take effect in July of this year. Chicago tried the same thing in 2006, passing a law than forbade the sale of fatted duck liver. The ban lasted four months. During the verbotten time, foie gras was neither gone nor forgotten: Chefs simply got around the restriction by offering expensively priced salads and entrees with a gratis garnish of gras. Which is exactly what a couple chefs I’ve spoken with in Los Angeles intend to do.

The California law, signed by then-governor Arnold Schwarzenegger would not prohibit the sale of foie gras but also its production. There are  only three farms, all USDA certified,  that fatten ducks in the United States, two in New York, the other is in California.

The most dire affect of the ban will be on Sonoma Valley’s Sonoma-Artisan, that will be forced to stop production completely by the date the ban goes into effect. Currently, Sonoma-Artisan supplies about 10%–15% of the domestic foie gras market, according to Guillermo Gonzalez, co-owner of the business with his wife, Junny. Sonoma-Artisan is a family business and the couple’s daughter, Helena, is now involved, as well. The Gonzalez family has been in Sonoma County since the 1980…The last 10 years have been increasingly difficult for them and their business. While sales are stable, the cost of grain continues to rise faster than conceivable increases to the sale price of foie.

And because I can! And because this headline writer did:

They just write themselves, don’t they? Maybe for Lent I’ll give upmake poop jokes….nah.

The world is wacky and zany in GOP politics:  Rush Windbag has ordered a fatwa on Newter Gingrinch, saying:

Newt Gingrich should apologize for his attacks on free markets. He should apologize to Governor Romney.

Is this eleven-level chess playing by Rush, bait and switching? Is he serious? Is he crazy? Or is he testing the bounds of reality?

This whole Maya calendar end of the world whoohaa has reached such a pitch that White House.gov for goodness sakes created a link about the idiocy which sends you/me to the answers.USA.gov site with further links to NASA’s point of view on the subject.

Answers.USA.gov says:

Most of the curiosity surrounding the date involves how the ancient Maya civilization viewed time. Archaeological finds revealed that the Maya had a number of highly accurate calendars, including one known as the Long Count calendar. It uses a series of periods (cycles) to count days, months, and years. According to this calendar, a major cycle lasting the equivalent of 394.3 years ends on December 21, 2012. The next cycle begins on December 22, and ends in 2406.

NASA has a tl/dr FAQ that condenses down to:

Nothing bad will happen to the Earth in 2012. Our planet has been getting along just fine for more than 4 billion years, and credible scientists worldwide know of no threat associated with 2012.

But wait! Oh noes! NASA also offers this warning:

Scientists have no way of predicting with perfect accuracy whether a supervolcano will occur in a given century, decade, or year – and that includes 2012. But they do keep close tabs on volcanically active areas around the world, and so far there’s absolutely no sign of a supereruption looming anytime soon.

But fear not!

I wonder if O’Reilly and his foodie friend would be as brave as this young lad:

Or if they’d be willing to sample an entrepreneurial delight such as this:

Yum!

Michele Bachmann just gets better and better, though her numbers are slipping to the point that 96% of the Republicans polled said they won’t vote for her. That kinda sucks if you’re Michele Bachmann.

And in a weird way it also sucks for for the comedy industry because, well, Michele and her hunky hubby Marcus are just so darn loony. So loony that 96% of Republicans polled say they wouldn’t vote for her.

We’ll just have to get our laughs elsewhere…

Herb Cain promises to dance and make love and reminds us that

you can’t police your underwear, all you can do is give that woodchuck a tuna melt

Meanwhile Anonymous doesn’t support Ron Paul even thought some people who are Anonymous do. And some of the Anonymous people who don’t support ron Paul explain why they don’t.  And just so you are clear about who the front runners in the GOP campaign are, Funny or Die lays it out for you:

I just got back from watching a taping of two episodes for Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers and I think Dr Drew needs to have Andrew Breitbart and John Hagee on to get some hugs. And not from Rick Perry.

Learning about witchcraft from Harry Potter!? Well, frankly I’d rather kids learn about witchcraft the old fashioned way, from witches! Or at least from a book by a real witch. And Breitbart, who I used to know socially -he co-wrote a book with one of my housemates circa 2000- seems to be moving in the direction of the same sort of paranoid buffoonery that so defined Glenn Beck’s tenure on Fox.

Please Dr. Drew, take them on and teach them open-mindedness, compassion and forgiveness! Or at least give them a fashion makeover!

Nutbag-Christian logic states that when a natural disaster occurs, it’s cuz God is all mad and stuff at those people. Therefore, God must be pretty hot under the collar at Rick Perry and his constituents. Prayer at Easter didn’t work, Jesuspaloozah didn’t work, and the fires have gotten worse.

The only explanation is that God is gay. Gay, but not happy. At least with Perry.

His constituents may not be happy either, because now Gov Perry is saying “FEMA.” And gol durn it, that’s just un-American!

I do hope the wildfires are quickly controlled, because even though the folks of Texas voted for Perry, they shouldn’t have to suffer. Anymore than the people of Haiti, or North Carolina.