Frothy Rick Santorum opened wide and embraced Mike Huckabee’s “National Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day” claiming that for the left:

There can be no dissent from what their position is.

Kinda like conservative Christians’ position on marriage equality and ENDA. And LGBTQ overall, because the conservative Christians feel there can be no dissent from (their interpretation of) God’s word. Think Progress sums it up:

The rise of the Christian Right is due for a 40th anniversary to mark the appropriation of Christianity by conservatives like Pat Robertson, Phyllis Schlafly, Jerry Falwell, James Dobson, and Ralph Reed. This coalition of mostly evangelical Christians, Catholics, and Mormons has largely succeeded in reducing the cultural definition of being Christian to those who share their beliefs. The present-day ravings of faux-historian David Barton seek to push even farther and erase the religious diversity at the heart of American patriotism. The “culture war” over LGBT equality presents one of the clearest dividing lines, with anti-gay talking heads like Tony Perkins over-dominating the media on behalf of “Christianity” while LGBT-affirming Christians are severely under-represented. [emphasis mine]

Santorum, who spoke Thursday on CNBC, further confused the issue of the interpretation of religious texts by saying

“This is why the Huguenots came to America,” Santorum said, adding the Dutch Reform Church and Catholics to that list.

“They didn’t want the government telling them what to believe and that they couldn’t say things in public, that they had to keep it to themselves,” he said, or be “barred from doing business.”

America was founded by dissenters, that’s true. Some were Catholics, some were Jews who played vital roles in the Revolution,  some were from various Protestant sects.  Let’s not forget the Freemasons! Various interpretations of  God’s word/s, as evidenced by the differences between the Torah, the Catholic Bible, Masonic texts, the various Protestant translations and heck, even the Book of Mormon indicate that there’s a lot of room between the letters. And at one point or another the foundational Christian groups, the Catholics and Protestants, imprisoned, tortured and killed dissenters, including other Christians along with Jews, which is why they all bailed to America and other places. And Mormons were massacred by people calling themselves Christians.

America also has a free market, and if people don’t like how business donates profits,  they don’t have to spend their money there.  Chick-fil-A corporate donates to WinShape, the Chick-fil-A family charitable foundation, which in turn funds anti-LGBT organizations. Some of these organizations have themselves called for boycotts of businesses who beliefs run contrary to what is claimed by specific groups of  Christians to be traditional Christian/Biblical values.

Focus on the Family, which received funding from WinShape, has urged boycotts on businesses and groups which support LGBT rights, including the Disney companies (since lifted), Kraft, United Way Charities and Big Brother/Big Sister, Proctor & Gamble, and most recently, the 2010 Super Bowl. What LGBTQ and their allies are doing by urging a boycott of Chick-fil-hAte is the exact same thing that Family Research Council, which received funding from WinShape, did this year when they promoted boycotting Girl Scout Cookies.

Goose/gander.

LGBTQ and allies are not calling for a boycott because Dan Cathy is a Christian. Or even a mean jerk.  The boycott is because corporate funds from Chick-fil-A are being funneled to his foundation. A percentage of these tax-free funds goes to support organizations which promote anti-equality measures and also call for boycotts of other groups with whom they disagree. If Cathy wants to fund these groups, he should use his own salary, not money that comes from his corporation which is sheltered in a tax-free foundation. We all spend our earned money how we choose; we choose to whom we donate, where we spend our paychecks.

In other words: This is not about “free speech” or “freedom of religion.” Or about how Dan Cathy chooses to spend his corporate salary. It’s about a corporation funding a tax-free organization that in turn donates to groups that support hostility and oppression.

Oh, and if Richard Nixon had to confront LGBTQ issues, he’d repeal DOMA and EDNA–remember, he’s the guy who passed the EPA, OSHA and affirmative action.  So take that! you GOP-presidential wanna-bees Huckabee, Santorum, and Ms. Palin.

Sarah Palin’s only grandson–the spawn of failing reality television arriviste Bristol Palin and fellow Wasillabilly fame-scrambler Levi Johnston–three-and-a half year old Tripp Palin called his Aunt Willow a word beginning with F  (either a usually pejorative term for gay men, from the English schoolboy slang for a younger boy who does errands for older students; or the Anglo-Saxon verb for copulation. A production exec who claims he was in the room and watching the video feed pre-bleep claims the latter). Tripp also says

I hate you.

A lot.

With his pedigree and language skills, the adorable, yet poorly disciplined tot would be the perfect replacement for the Muppets who have stepped away from their gig as Chick-fil-A spokespmodels in light of the corporate fowl fryer’s ‘tude. CEO Dan Cathy said:

But as an organization we can operate on biblical principles. So that is what we claim to be. [We are] based on biblical principles, asking God and pleading with God to give us wisdom on decisions we make about people and the programs and partnerships we have. And He has blessed us.”

(Jesus was never quoted in the Gospels as calling LGBT sinners, or defining how people should behave in the privacy of their bedrooms. Jesus overturned all the Old Testament rules–except the Ten Commandments, one could argue–allowing those who believe in him to wear blended fabrics, get tattoos and eat bacon. Paul, who came along after Jesus ascended to Heaven and never knew him, as those to whom Gospels are attributed did, is an interpreter and evangelical rather than a firsthand-ish reporter whose stories where compiled after the fact.)

Burt and Ernie’s pals are standing up for everyone, gay and straight, who is appalled by Chick-fil-A, and not just because of the utterly vile, sub-literate spelling of

filet.

While the word may sound like a sexualized pun rhyming with gay

fill-lay

spelling it

fil-A

is neither cute nor clever. Just stupid.

The company’s dumbing of America continues with their economic war on LGBT via the Chick-fil-A charitable arm WinShape (as if dining on Chick-fil-A  gives you a winning shape) donating close to $2million to anti-LGBT groups, beyond the marriage equality battles:

In 2009 alone, WinShape donated $1,733,699 to multiple anti-gay groups:

• Marriage & Family Legacy Fund: $994,199
• Fellowship Of Christian Athletes: $480,000
• National Christian Foundation: $240,000
• Focus On The Family: $12,500
• Eagle Forum: $5,000
• Exodus International: $1,000
• Family Research Council: $1,000

[Winshape 2009 Publicly Available IRS 990 Form via Foundation Center, accessed 10/28/11]

Mike Huckabee–who has been beating his breast about the abuse  Chick-fil-A has suffered at the hands of the media and the Muppets while ignoring the loathing and lack of equality funded by the food chain–has declared August 1st “Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day” and via Facebook his media onslaught is encouraging people to eat the cholesterol-dense, high-sodium, sugared, MSG-laden fast food. Because he loves America.

There’s also a push to make August 3 National Same-Sex Kiss-In Day at Chick-fil-A, which has some pros and cons. First of all, same sex couples would have to go inside a Chick-fil-A. And all us straight people can do is either find a willing co-kisser, enter a Chick-fil-A to applaud the kiss-in, or keep boycotting some place where we’d never eat anyway.

And if you’ve been wondering what you might be missing by never sampling a gay-hating, heart and soul destroying fast food sammich, here are two chemical-free versions you can try at home,  very gay friendly. But still fried after being battered with  sugar and salt. Part of me thinks natural ice cream might be healthier.

Everyone knows the Internet was created for two reasons: Lolcats and to allow free expression of everything else. Yet if elected, Rick Santorum promises something very un-American: To ban pornography on the Internet. That sequel to Fifty Shades of Grey–forget about it. (And teh kittehs may be next).

In a statement on his website, Santorum, whose name has become synonymous with a specific neologism meaning a frothy mix of certain fluids, spews forth:

Current federal “obscenity” laws prohibit distribution of hardcore (obscene) pornography on the Internet, on cable/satellite TV, on hotel/motel TV, in retail shops and through the mail or by common carrier. Rick Santorum believes that federal obscenity laws should be vigorously enforced. “If elected President, I will appoint an Attorney General who will do so.”

The Obama Administration has turned a blind eye to those who wish to preserve our culture from the scourge of pornography and has refused to enforce obscenity laws. While the Obama Department of Justice seems to favor pornographers over children and families, that will change under a Santorum Administration.

But what is obscene? That depends on prevailing community standards, which can translate to six squeaky wheels protesting in front of the Hustler store, while a lot of people stay home watching streaming triple-X raunchfests or reading Anaïs Nin. Or Aleister Crowley. Rick Santorum’s concept of obscene probably varies widely from mine. Or yours. Or the guy next door’s.

Dr. Omar Minwalla Clinical Director of The Institute for Sexual Health, based in Beverly Hills, CA pointed out in an interview with me that there is a large uptick in straight-identified men (admitting to) watching pornography featuring transgender people. Many couples, married or not, watch pornography together. Fifty Shades of Grey, a “romance” novel featuring heavy BDMS (bondage/dominance/sado-masochism) is best seller among women, especially it seems, married moms; the highly sexed novel is credited as putting the spice back into relationships. And this graph shows that traditionally Republican, conservative states have the highest Google searches for both “God” and “free gay porn.”

Filtering the Internet for obscenity is a slippery slope, and an election strategy that could backfire. Such a plan would cost taxpayers money and cause more government interference in our lives, while doing nothing to lower taxes, create jobs, strengthen the border, or end our dependency on foreign oil – all of which are huge Republican issues. While some people may outwardly support Santorum, when it comes to what they do at home and in the voting booth, both equally very private matters, personal issues could translate to a loss for the sexual-censorship-obsessed Santorum.

In an interesting side note, Dr. Minwalla adds that many of the clients he sees for sexuality concerns are often Republican, religious conservatives who are sexually acting out with not only pornography, but multiple affairs, prostitution, strip clubs, massage parlors, and with employees. Says Dr. Minwalla:

Often, in order to compensate for the shame they may feel about their secret and shame-based sexual behaviors, many such men will present as fighters for morality, or join organizations that fight pornography as a way to compensate for their shame and the discomfort about their own sexuality,as a way of soothing it and making themselves feel better.

Now Rick Santorum wants to create an even bigger, illegal shame pool for people to swim in using standards of obscenity based on the views of a group of people who think having Ellen DeGeneres–a talented, successful, married woman who gives to charity and is concerned about social and economic issues–as a spokesperson for a major department store is reprehensible:

I proudly support the efforts of the War on Illegal Pornography Coalition that has tirelessly fought to get federal obscenity laws enforced. That coalition is composed of 120 national, state, and local groups, including Morality in Media, Family Research Council, Focus on the Family, American Family Association, Cornerstone Family Council of New Hampshire, Pennsylvania Family Institute, Concerned Women for America, The Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention, and a host of other groups. Together we will prevail.

Can you imagine the meetings these groups must have, huddled around the flickering screens of their computers, sharing files of fap-fodder, groaning in ecstasy disgust at the filthy perversions of their fellow Americans…

Oh and Senator Santorum, Ben Franklin participated in orgies. Plus our Founding Fathers appeared to like porn, the profits of which help found the American Revolution. So fap to that, Frothyman.

Conservative Christians should be  in the throes of religious ecstasy, tongues aflame with glossolalia in praise of Johnny Depp for putting the Christ back in Christmas with a new song hitting the charts just in time to celebrate the virgin birth of God Incarnate.

“Jesus Stag Night Club,” which Depp performs with Babybird is  a touching rock ballad about finding Jesus. In a strip club. While drinking. And stealing a car. Before dying on top of a church steeple tied to the weather vane by one ankle.

It’s a great witness for Jesus who hung out with criminals and prostitutes and whose gospel stresses the importance of finding Christ and accepting him as Lord and Savior before death.  But party-pooping Protestants (the Papists have yet to weigh in) are offended that  Jesus pairs up with the song’s narrator–a stone cold sinner in conservative terms–and sticks with him until the guy dies. The guy finds Christ in a bar! And is saved! Say hallelujah, another soul for Jesus.

But no! Focus on the Family said:

We are sickened by Mr Depp’s behaviour. Why did he need to record this song? It is a slap in the face to Christians all over the world.

What the Bible say about getting slapped in the face? (Hint: It’s in two of the gospels, Luke and Matthew).

And the Christian Coalition offered up this Christmas wish for goodwill to all:

I’m sure he thinks he’s being very funny but he’s simply a disgrace. One day, Johnny Depp and his cronies will face the judgment of our Lord and they will burn in hell for this filth.

Here’s a sampling of the lyrics. What’s so offensive?

Saw a man in a bar with his hair like a lady
Bloody thorns ’round his ears like he was a crazy
He had holes in his hands and a cross for a spine
Crushed a berry in his Perrier and called it wine

He said, “There’s great sadness in life, but don’t sit there and blub:
Here’s some tickets for your friends to the Jesus Stag Night Club!”…

Turn a bird upside down and it lies in your fingers like a dead man

When you throw it in the air it’s resurrected from your hand
We went to a motel, he showed me his Bible
I said, “Tell me the truth,” while he looked me in the eyeball

He said, “There’s great happiness in life but don’t just sit there in love:
Here’s some tickets for your friends to the Jesus Stag Night Club!”…

I can’t remember where I was last night
Think I was hanging naked off a church spire
Tied by my ankles to a weathervane
Felt like I was Jesus on fire
Cuffed to the bumper of a big truck
I begged my dad to take me to a strip bar
Drank kerosene slammers through my eyeballs
Drove myself home in a stolen car

Saw a man in the street lying on the floor beaten up
He had a fish finger sandwich and a yellow M coffee cup
I bent down drunk and tried to pick him up
But when I turned around I could see it was Jesus…

I can’t remember where I was last night
Think I was getting on a night bus
Lyin’ on the laps of my good friends
Judas Priest and Lazarus
I’m getting married in the big bad morning
But it feels like I’m giving birth
I feel so happy I could scream
This is my last few seconds on Earth!