Buh Bye Fap Pages: Bachmann Pledges to Ban Porn

Hey America, you can kiss your Playboy centerfolds and internet fap fests goodbye if Michelle Bachmann is elected. Tea Party/GOP nutcase  Bachmann is the first candidate to sign THE FAMiLY LEADER pledge banning pornography, and based on her views, I think she may put Hugh Hefner’s empire in the same category as Tub Girl.

The FAMiLY LEADER pledge entitled, “The Marriage Vow – A Declaration of Dependence upon Marriage and Family,” was created by uber-conservative evangelical leader Bob Vander Plaats who, as state chair, led Mike Huckabee to win the Iowa caucuses. Vander Plaates, considered one of the top 10 must-have endorsements, says THE FAMiLY LEADER will not support a candidate who refuses to sign the pledge which has as some of its 14 points:

- Personal fidelity to his/her spouse – Appointing faithful constitutionalists as judges – Opposition to any redefinition of marriage – Support for the legal advocacy for the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) – Humane efforts to protect women and children, (sex trafficking, pornography, etc) – Rejection of anti-women Sharia Islam – Commitment to downsizing government because of the burden to the American family

I would hope that “faithful constitutionalist” judge would reject any attempts to alter the Constitution to fit a conservative Evangelic point of view. You know,  the First Amendment thingy:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

The FAMiLY LEADER has sponsored a presidential speaker series which so far featured Rep. Michele Bachmann, Herman Cain, Rep. Ron Paul, and Gov. Tim Pawlenty, and Sen. Rick Santorum. Speaker Newt Gingrich–who financially supported Vander Plaats’ effort to remove three same-sex marriage supporting Iowa Supreme Court judges–will speak  this weekend. While it’s no suprise that Bachmann eagerly scrawled her name on  pledge, other presidential candidates as not quick so quick on the draw: Tim Pawlenty is reviewing the pledge, and the Des Moines Register reports:

an aide to to former Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman said he never signs any pledges. A spokesman for U.S. Rep. Ron Paul, R-Texas, said the congressman has reservations, while a representative of President Barack Obama’s Democratic campaign committee declined comment. Former Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty, a Republican, is reviewing the pledge, a spokesman said Thursday night. Several other GOP presidential candidates didn’t respond to requests for comment, including former Michigan Gov. Mitt Romney, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum, and retired Georgia businessman Herman Cain.


[photo: Michelle Bachmann, CPAC 2011 by Gage Skidmore]

Westboro Baptist Church Learns “Ask and Ye Shall Receive–Anonymously”

Rule 14 of the Internet states:

Do not argue with a troll — it means that they win.

A few days ago Westboro Baptist Church either trolled or got trolled, depending on whoever is telling the story. A post went up on Anonymous’ message board that the zany non-group of nobodies who don’t know each other–the ones who harshed Scientology’s emeters, made their body thetans cry “uncle,” and helped Xenu party at all the best clubs, along doing a whole a lot of other widely reported anonymous actions related to free speech and Wikileaks and whatever–were going after WBC because they don’t care for the Phelps or their methods.

The Phelps family, who think they speak for God and really just like publicity and suing, told Anonymous to


Anonymous who are very, very smart–like 13th level Marcabian chess played on the 5th Fleet– offered a mature, thoughtful and measured response on their  boards (which saw a huge leap in traffic after WBC publicized the “threats” thus proving God in the form of Ad-Sense loves Anonymous):

We know that YOU in fact posted the Open Letter supposedly
from Anonymous…We know how you work. You don’t give a flying fart about what
your God thinks. But you know that putting God and Fag in a sentence
together is guaranteed to make someone angry. You push it. You really
push it. But you stay within the law. And then when some poor fool
snaps, you sue them for infringing upon your rights.

Which should have just stopped the issue. But no! Shirley Phelps went on David Pakman’s show to debate the issue with an Anon. And surprise: The Phelps’ sites got hit with a DDOS (distributed denial of service). In the Pakman interview with Shirley Phelps, Anonymous said that The Jester (th3 j35t3r)–an anti-jihadist hackivist–was responsible for that attack, confirmed by the The Jester himself.

And as the interview with Shirley Phelps and Anonymous was  being conducted, the WBC spokesprophet taunted the Internet legion–who had successfully taken down Paypal’s blogs and the front pages of MasterCard and Visa, plus the websites of the Swedish and Tunisian governments, as well as facilitating info transmission from and within Iran, Libya, and Bahrain–calling Anons some fairly rude names and claiming that Anonymous couldn’t affect them–Anons put up this message on  a WBC site:

Um, neener. Maybe Ms Phelps needs to review Matthew 7:7, Luke 11:9 and John 16:24, as well as teh Rules of the Internet. Though actually in her case, Rule 34 scares the shit out me.

[HT: Dangerous Minds, TheNewCivilRightsMovement]

Just in Time for Easter: Socially Conscious ELF PORN

Okay, if I had written about this two days ago, you all would have coffeed on your screens and said

WTF, she’s pulling our legs, elf porn? Who wants to…waaaait, what’s the URL again?!

Yeah, xxxElfxxx.com, the brain child of designer Ben Jacob, combining socially conscious ideology with fornicating forest dwelling fantasy creatures, has hit the intert00bs, and it’s the feel good fap of the season, says one aficionado of online erotica (not me!).

I have friends who play Worlds of Warcraft, EverQuest and Second Life (aka Get a Life and You Suck at Life), and they claim there are ways to make the games adult. Rule 34…

Full disclosure, I have only watched a brief clip of  NSWF “action” and a full SFW bit; neither porn nor hentai are really my bag, nor are computer-generated images, but there is something rather charming about these  female elf heroines–who each have their own physically fit body type–and their um, larger than life consorts who live in the magical world of Felther (yeah, “felt her”). These are certainly not the Keebler elves!

So I tracked down xxxElfxxx creator Ben Jacob who told me that he had worked developing Elf Porn into a quality, professional product with an eco-friendly message–and that he’s planting trees to help minimize his company’s carbon footprint:

My biggest philosophical concern is how, as a species, we have distanced ourselves from the natural world. Most humans within our “worldly” culture place their needs, desires, and indulgences far before the needs of the planet and all of the other species sharing this space.

Each one of us has a personal and direct relationship to the Earth itself that is often neglected or never considered. All of the living things on this planet have a common ancestry to us, which makes them far off distant cousins at some point. Ultimately, they are still family though and I hope one day they will be considered and treated as such.

In the world of Felther, the elves have this awareness and connection to the plants, animals, and environment. Each heroine has a bond with some creature or “familiar” that is a gift, a source of power and support for them.

In short the story will be about two “evil” entities overrunning the world of Felther that are poisoning both the land and the minds of the people within. These are drawing on sharp parallels to how I see our own situation here on Earth and our current worldly crisis pertaining to environmental degradation, materialism, and religious extremism. The Heroines of Felther all have their own reasons or back stories of why they are battling these entities, drawing them together for a common goal.

So in this season of rebirth and resurrection, when little bunnies leave us chocolate eggs and the Divine Feminine is celebrated in the form of the book and skull-clutching Mary Magdalene, the elves of Felther may help mitigate the horrors of the canned ham and candied yams.