Claiming himself to be a champion demon purger, Pastor Bob Larson has conjured up the the Dominionist version of a boy-band/cash-printing machine: A trio of (sorta) teen girls (one is 21) who cast out allegedly evil spirits and are featured in a new BBC3 documentary called (hold your breath here!): Teen Exorcists. They’re also the subjects of a Vice TV documentary in which they claim demons cause sexually transmitted diseases. And here all along I thought it was bacteria and viruses, silly me.
The virgin trio–one is Pastor Bob’s daughter Brynne Larson, the other two are sisters, Tess and Savannah Scherkenback–are now taken to the British Isles which they say is a hotbed of occult activity whose origins go back to pagan times. Spunky 21 year-old Savannah explains:
It has been centuries in the making, but I believe it came to a pinnacle with the Harry Potter books.
Oh and, you guys, Harry Potter spell are totally srs bzns. Her 18 year-old sister wants you to know:
The spells you are reading about are not made up. They are real and come from witchcraft.
Not only can these girls kick ass on demons, they can kick ass in real life! All three of the home-schooled exorcettes have black belts in karate. Brynne first joined her semi-famous fundie father to cast out demons when she 13, but she’ll be leaving the Get Thee Behind Me business behind her when she starts at conservative Christian Liberty University this fall. But stage dad Bob wants to come back to the UK and continue tossing off devils–private exorcisms cost about $450, but he offers free seminars as he travels from city to city with his metaphysical medicine show.
Online, Larson, the self-proclaimed
world’s foremost expert on cults, the occult, and supernatural phenomena
cross … anointed and prayed over personally by Bob.
And gosh darn, they work, according to testimonials on the sales page:
When Pastor Bob touched my forehead with his cross, the demons that had been tormenting me instantly manifested.
Not sure if you need a silver Cross of Deliverance or an exorcism? You can take Pastor Bob’s Demon Test and:
Let Bob Larson, the man who has dealt with more demons than anyone on the planet, show you how to overcome every obstacle of every day. Stop the cycles of failure, poverty and sickness. Break family curses at the ROOT! Discover why you are the way you are and immediately change destructive habits. If you have demons, you’ll be delivered.
Let’s just say to fundamentalist nutbags like Pastor Bob, anything that clashes with the pastor’s interpretation of the Bible is all Satanism and demons. And his list of what demons can do is pretty impressive: Generational curses, STDs, anger, promiscuity, loud noises, earthquakes, and crank phone calls are just some of the weapons demons use to torment Christians who have opened the door for possession by simply reading a daily horoscope or knowing someone who does.
Last year Anderson Cooper had the teen exorcettes on his show. It was hilarious: