Teen Exorcists Get Medieval on Demons for Reality Show

Claiming himself  to be a champion demon purger, Pastor Bob Larson has conjured up the the Dominionist version of a boy-band/cash-printing machine: A trio of (sorta) teen girls (one is 21) who cast out allegedly evil spirits and are featured in a new BBC3 documentary called (hold your breath here!): Teen Exorcists. They’re also the subjects of a Vice TV documentary in which they claim demons cause sexually transmitted diseases.  And here all along I thought it was bacteria and viruses, silly me.

The virgin trio–one is Pastor Bob’s daughter Brynne Larson, the other two are sisters, Tess and Savannah Scherkenback–are now taken to the British Isles which they say is a hotbed of occult activity whose origins go back to pagan times. Spunky 21 year-old Savannah explains:

It has been centuries in the making, but I believe it came to a pinnacle with the Harry Potter books.

Oh and, you guys, Harry Potter spell are totally srs bzns. Her 18 year-old sister wants you to know:

The spells you are reading about are not made up. They are real and come from witchcraft.

Not only can these girls kick ass on demons, they can kick ass in real life! All three of the home-schooled exorcettes have black belts in karate. Brynne first joined her semi-famous fundie father to cast out demons when she 13, but she’ll be leaving the Get Thee Behind Me business behind her when she starts at conservative Christian Liberty University this fall. But stage dad Bob wants to come back to the UK and continue tossing off devils–private exorcisms cost about $450, but he offers free seminars as he travels from city to city with his metaphysical medicine show.

Online, Larson, the self-proclaimed

world’s foremost expert on cults, the occult, and supernatural phenomena

who has his own reality show, The Real Exorcist, on SKY-TV in Europe, offers DVDs of exorcisms and a nifty silver metal

cross … anointed and prayed over personally by Bob.

And gosh darn, they work, according to testimonials on the sales page:

When Pastor Bob touched my forehead with his cross, the demons that had been tormenting me instantly manifested.

Not sure if you need a silver Cross of Deliverance or an exorcism? You can take Pastor Bob’s Demon Test and:

Let Bob Larson, the man who has dealt with more demons than anyone on the planet, show you how to overcome every obstacle of every day. Stop the cycles of failure, poverty and sickness. Break family curses at the ROOT! Discover why you are the way you are and immediately change destructive habits. If you have demons, you’ll be delivered.

Let’s just say to fundamentalist nutbags like Pastor Bob, anything that clashes with the pastor’s interpretation of the Bible is all Satanism and demons. And his list of what demons can do is pretty impressive: Generational curses, STDs, anger, promiscuity, loud noises, earthquakes, and crank phone calls are just some of the weapons demons use to torment Christians who have opened the door for possession by simply reading a daily horoscope or knowing someone who does.

Last year Anderson Cooper had the teen exorcettes on his show. It was hilarious:

Pat Robertson Says Being Transgender Is Not A Sin, No Such Thing As Ghosts

Pat Robertson has been making headlines lately.  With the help of some creative callers to his show “The 700 Club,” Robertson can’t seem to stay out of the news.

It all began earlier this week when a viewer named David asked how he should refer to his transgender colleagues given that their gender status had changed in eyes of the law.

Robertson responded;

“I think there are men who are in a woman’s body,” he said. “It’s very rare. But it’s true — or women that are in men’s bodies — and that they want a sex change. That is a very permanent thing, believe me, when you have certain body parts amputated and when you have shot up with various kinds of hormones. It’s a radical procedure. I don’t think there’s any sin associated with that. I don’t condemn somebody for doing that.”

Known for his frequent anti-gay sentiments — and in the wake of Pope Francis’ own admission that it was beyond him to judge gay clerics — Robertson’s response came as a welcome surprise in some corners of the internet, while yet others began bending over backwards to explain away any perceptions of being pro-gay.

More recently, questions have surfaced as to whether or not the 83 year old is simply being trolled by callers wanting advice on how to address supernatural beings:

“My house is haunted.  There’s moaning coming from the walls, lights turn on and off, the TV changes channels on its own, the bed move, stuff floats off tables, mirrors break, and there is sometimes a creepy fog. The ghosts look like people, but have dark blue light around their feet and hands.  What do I do?”

Robertson’s answer?

Burn the house down!

The severity of his response should come as no surprise.  This is the same guy, after all, who suggested that Katrina was God’s response to America’s abortion policy.

Robertson goes on to suggest that the bible doesn’t support the concept of ghosts and implies that this viewer is actually plagued by demons and should therefore look into staging an exorcism.

So there you have it.

Ghosts don’t exist, demons do, and being transgender is okay!

The diversity of questions posed on his show likely stems in large part to how simple it is for viewers to submit a question.

Who knows what they might ask next.

68% of Registered Republicans, 49% of Registered Democrats Believe in Demonic Possession

Why wasn’t demonic possession addressed in the Presidential debates?! Demons are obviously as important an issue as low/no taxes, denying reproductive and LGBT rights, and keeping semi-automatic rifles in the hands of God (and demon) fearing Americans, since according to a  poll conducted by Public Policy Polling, 68% of registered Republican voters believe in demonic possession. And it’s not just the GOP– 49% of Democratic voters also believe that demons can possess us.

Granted, one could argue that “demons” are negative impulses, psychological aberrations, mental illness etc., but in theology demons are disincarnate entities which occupy people and places and cause all kind of havoc. However, demons can be controlled and mastered, but this should only be done by individuals with proper training, not by anyone hanging out their shingle as an exorcist-or by depressed metal heads who have played Black Sabbath records backwards one too many times.

Nutbags are all too ready to blame anything and everything they dislike, fear or can’t explain on demons, witchcraft, voodoo, curses, and related supernatural concepts (which in all fairness, I believe in some of that stuff, too, though I use Occam’s Razor,  lex parsimoniae, first, before exploring other worldly causes, since resorting to “Curses! Witchcraft!” as the go-to for everything from lost keys and flickering light bulbs to a bad date is exhausting and silly. Usually there are simple, mundane explanations for stuff).

Some major questions that should be explored regarding demonic possession: How many politicians do believers feel are possessed? Is outsourcing of jobs caused by demonic possession? Can Wall Street be exorcised? And what strange malignant force, what ancient unnamed evil controls Dick Cheney?

FL Candidate Believes Jews Own Everything, Demons Hide in Candy

Jacksonville, Florida has a candy-phobic, demon busting candidate for city council who is thankful for slavery. And thinks despite the Holocaust, Jews own everything. Oh and she’s a Democrat. WTF? (Her past as a crack addict and prostitute isn’t that big a deal, IMO. People change. But her hatred for the LGBT community is vomitous)  Is Kimberly Daniels’ candidacy some weird plan by insane fundamentalists to take over by creating one party? Like I say,

The way to change the NRA is to join the NRA

but this is going a bit far!

Where is the Democratic party in Florida and what are they doing about Kimberly Daniels, this crazy, bigoted, homophobic, demon-spotting minster with her own radio show who is in a run-off against Republican David Taylor slated for May 17? How did she get this far?  And I wonder if under this sort of logic I could end up on the Republican ticket someplace?

Bruce Wilson at Talk2Action.org–who helped bring Sarah Palin’s crazed version of Christianity to light–gives us these quotes from Daniels:

I thank God for slavery. Mmm. I thank God for the crack house. If it wasn’t for the crack house, come on somebody, God wouldn’t a never been able to use me how he can use me know. And if it wasn’t for slavery I might be somewhere in Africa worshiping a tree! [...]

You can talk about the Holocaust, but the Jews own everything.


Along with asking God to

bind the ministry of psychics, the teaching of black liberation theology, and every New Age and secular humanist doctrine away from the White House…

Daniels prays for Obama that God the prayers of her faithful will

break every soul tie and vow that has been established between him and Harvard, secret societies and the illuminati…


expose the work of every witch, sorcerer, spiritualist or person from the dark side operating through his cabinet members or through anyone else closely associated with him

Daniels want to remind us of the dangers of Halloween candy and the holiday itself:

most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.

I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference…
The danger of Halloween is not in the scary things we see but in the secret, wicked, cruel activities that go on behind the scenes. These activities include:

* Sex with demons
* Orgies between animals and humans
* Animal and human sacrifices
* Sacrificing babies to shed innocent blood
* Rape and molestation of adults, children and babies
* Revel nights
* Conjuring of demons and casting of spells
* Release of “time-released” curses against the innocent and the ignorant.”

Seriously. Who let this nutbag into the party? Also she has a radio show preaching this sort of whackery, so does that kind of get in the way of Equal Time?

Thank Gods–yes, Kimberly Daniels, I am calling on my GODS, multiple, plural, old and ancient, and on Jesus, too, while I’m at it since theologically, oh why bother with theology with you Kimberley because you are incapable of the critical thinking required for theology–Thank GODS, the reasonable realistic Christian ministers from People For the American Way’s African American Ministers in Action (AAMIA) issued a statement:

At African American Ministers in Action, our hope is that Americans will always have the opportunity to elect public officials who stand for respect and liberty, fairness and equality, and treat all people with the dignity that they deserve. We are disheartened by the advancement of a candidate who has instead chosen to be a voice of fear and intolerance. The people of Jacksonville deserve better.

Yes they do. The people of America deserve better. And certainly the Democratic Party deserves better.

[HT: Truth Wins Out]