Kanye West, Kim Kardashian “Bound 2″ Revisoned by James Franco, Topless Seth Rogen

Kanye West’s new video “Bound 2,” featuring his fianceé Kim Kardashian’s breasts and her breathless, knowing utterances of

Uh huh honey

is A) self-will run riot;  B) a brilliant self-parody; C) a sign of the  impending collapse of Western Civilization; D) all of the above. Sans narrative and set in Monument Valley and outer space (and perhaps Kanye’s subconscious), “Bound 2″  explores the rapper’s profound, passionate and complex relationship with Kim Kardashian, acknowledging the conflict between love and materialism that surface in the couple’s union, ultimately ending on a note of hope-or is it resignation?

I wanna fuck you hard on the sink
After that, give you something to drink
Step back, can’t get spunk on the mink…

And hey, ayo, we made it, Thanksgiving
So hey, maybe we can make it to Christmas
She asked me what I wished for on the wishlist
Have you ever asked your bitch for other bitches?
Maybe we could still make it to the church steps

Now James Franco and Seth Rogen have created their own shot-by-shot version of “Bound 2″ called “Bound 3,” which further cements the utter surreal perfection of Kanye’s Nick West-directed video. Kim Kardashian loves it tweeting:

You nailed  it!!! Sooo funny!

Rogen and Franco shot their homage, entitled “Bound 3″ on the set of their new political comedy/thriller The Interview, directed by Rogen and his longtime collaborator Evan Goldberg, and written by Rogen, Goldberg and Dan Weaver. Franco plays a a good looking, but vapid talk-show host and Rogen his long suffering producer who travel fall into the middle of  the CIA’s assassination attempt on the  prime minister of North Korea.

Rogen and Franco have starred before in Pineapple Express and End of the World. “Bound 3″ marks their first music video collaboration.  The song “Bound 2″ in now number 5 on the Billbaord Hot 100. It premier last week on Ellen. I’m sure her her audience was grateful for the tip

Step back, can’t get spunk on the mink.

It is a good piece of advice, and one I always make sure is followed.

With Thanksgiving only two days away, will Kim and Kanye to make it through the turkey, dressing and stuffing, all the way to Christmas, and to the church steps? Oh gods, please yes, if only to see the next video. And hopefully Rogen and Franco’s response.

 

 

 

“Ooops I Shot the President” and Other JFK Conspiracies

November is conspiracy month, at least on cable TV, and this November there is a richer crop than ever since this is the 50th anniversary of the assassination of President John Fitzgerald Kennedy in Dallas Texas, at Dealey Plaza.

Piers Morgan has already blown CNN’s Kennedy wad by having Oliver Stone as a guest, but expect more from the cable and networks–both pro-conspiracy and pro-lone-nut–later in the month. Cable channel Reelz has taken over from The History Channel and Discovery as the super-conspiracy channel, running a series of documentaries starting out with JFK: The Smoking Gun, which is running through the next two weeks. JFK:TSG‘s theory bolsters the Warren Commission by saying Oswald acted alone to purposefully kill Kennedy, but adds that the shot that shattered the president’s skull was from a different gun using a hollow point fragmentation bullet. Only, that shot wasn’t on purpose.

According to this theory floated by Australian detective Australian detective Colin McLaren—based on the 1992 book Mortal Error: The Shot That Killed JFK by Bonar Menninger, itself in turn based on research by ballistics expert Howard Donohue—a Secret Service agent accidentally discharged his rifle when the car he was riding in lurched forward after Oswald fired the infamous “magic bullet.” Donohue’s forensics on the magic bullet, which went through Kennedy’s neck and struck Texas governor John Connally, are compelling.

But the hapless Secret Service agent theory raises more questions than McLaren answers: Why was a new hire from the motor pool put on such important detail? Why was he the only Secret Service agent who didn’t go out carousing the night of November 21? Where are the eyewitness accounts from the grassy knoll recounting seeing men (“the three tramps”) with guns? George Hickey, Secret Service agent named in Mortal Error, sued the book’s publisher St. Martin’s over the publication of the hardcover book; that suit was dismissed because he had waited too long to file; he sued again when the paperback came out and settled with the publisher for an undisclosed sum.

Another “I shot Kennedy” documentary is available on DVD. In I Shot JFK: The Shocking Truth convicted felon James E Files, speaking from prison, admits he pulled the trigger from the grassy knoll, and that organized crime figures Sam Giancana, Johnny Roselli and Chuckie Nicoletti were behind the hit. I Shot JFK: The Shocking Truth is one of trilogy of Shocking Truth docs from producer Wim Dankbaar that includes Confessions from the Grassy Knoll: The Shocking Truth and Spooks, Hoods and JFK: The Shocking Truth.

But wait there’s more: Some nutters claim John Connally shot JFK by turning around and using his left hand, which sort of overlooks the fact that Connally was wounded in the back, ribs, right wrist and thigh by the magic bullet.  And oh boy, get ready for the “the Mossad agent in the limo’s trunk” and “the chauffeur did it while driving” theories which are mind boggling in their implausibility.

There are plenty of conspiracy theories floating around about the assassination of President Kennedy, and some are just as plausible as the Warren Commission’s report of a crazed gunman acting alone. We’ll be exploring  these theories on November 25, when  television pioneer John Barbour, who interviewed New Orleans District Attorney Jim Garrison about the Kennedy assassination, will be my guest on Firedoglake.com’s Movie Night with special co-host JP Sottile.

In the meantime check out Barbour’s Garrison tapes, and this multi-part documentary, The Men Who Killed Kennedy. And if you have enough tin foil, poke around in the fringes–a simple search on YouTube gives hours of “whoa whut?” The conspiracies get so huge and weird they act as cover-ups for the truth–whatever that may be. (more…)

Sesame Street Parodies “Homeland” with “Homelamb”

“Homelamb” is Sesame Street’s new and wickedly clever parody of  Showtime’s Emmy winning series “Homeland”  made even more pointed by using sheep Muppets as CIA agents, with Nicholas Brody renamed  Nicholas Ba-aa-aa-rody,  the Big Bad Wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Exactly.

Watch as sheep Carrie comes unglued and lusts for Baa-aa-aa-rody, even though she realizes that he is the traitor and tries to convince the other sheep agents of this dangerous reality. Will she unwittingly be a lamb to the slaughter? It’s a witty take on the spy drama starring Claire Danes. And as sharp and clear as a glass knife. But will kids get it? And more importantly, will adults…

Late Night: Rhymes with “Betray Us,” But Pat Robertson Says It’s Okay! It’s Who You Know.

 

Just so you know, Pat Robertson says it’s okay that Petraeus banged Paula Broadwell because

she’s an extremely good-looking woman…The man’s off in a foreign land and he’s lonely and here’s a good-looking lady throwing herself at him. He’s a man.

(But of course the four-star crossed lovers didn’t make the beast with two backs until after he joined the CIA. Because adultery in the military is a crime.)

PROPINQUITY! Your Pat Robertson word of the day.

 

Oh what fools these mortals be! First off, let’s just say there is a tried and true history of men having mistresses, even married mistresses; but nowadays a married mistress can be a bit messy, unless the man practices “catch and release,” the woman has more to loose than he, and she isn’t batshit, bughouse looney. And not to pillory my gender, but a lot of women, pabulumized on bad television movies and chick-lit seriously believe the hype of an affair. Plus, there’s the whole removal of the love-object concept which takes away the source of endorphins, oxytocin, and drama, leaving an hysterical, heaving mass plotting revenge. Oh honey, just get a voodoo doll and keep your piehole shut.

I’m still trying to parse the timeline of  Petraeus, Paula Broadwell, Jill Kelley, Allen and Shirtless FBI Guy.  Here’s what I’ve got:

DATE UNKNOWN:  Jill Kelley received email pictures of Shirtless FBI Guy.

POST-APRIL 2011: Petraeus and Broadwell–which falls into the category of nomenclature is destiny with bush-league, wanna-be Bond-girl name–began their physical affair two months or so after he was made head of CIA. Because adultery in the military is a crime.

APPROXIMATELY MAY 2012:  The Wall Street Journal reports that around May, Kelley began receiving nastygrams. She contacted her friend, Shirtless FBI Guy who initiated an investigation, which eventually exposed the Petraeus/Broadwell liaisons. And 20,000-30,000 pages of emails to Gen. Allen (which may or may not be about the anonymous, allegedly threatening, emails from Broadwell). But he never touched that woman. Because adultery in the military is a crime.

JUNE/JULY 2012, Petraeus ended his relationship with Broadwell. They had used super bad spycraft to correspond, which is really embarrassing considering he was like head of the CIA and she’s a West Point graduate. Supposedly she was getting possessive and/or he was not amused by the emails sent to Kelley (which may or may not have been sent from the Gmail accounts they shared).

AUGUST/SEPTEMBER 2012: General Allen writes letters to support Jill Kelley’s sister in a custody battle.  Somewhere along the way, Gen. Allen receives an anonymous email from someone later learned to be Broadwell making comments about Jill Kelley; and according to CNN, Allen alerted Kelley and may have contacted the FBI himself.

SEPTEMBER 11, 2012: Attack on U.S. Embassy in Benghazi.

OCTOBER 26: Broadwell talks about stuff that’s not vetted regarding Benghazi. Was she telling the truth or making stuff up? We’ll never know. But hell hath no fury…

LATE OCTOBER: Out of the loop,  Shirtless FBI Guy drops a dime and blows it open, contacting a member of Congress, Republican David Reichert, who contacted Eric Cantor.

NOVEMBER: Apres l’election, le deluge.

And what a dump! It just keeps flowing like the Augean stables. And this is just the seksy stuff. Let’s look at this from the spai who  loved me perspective. (And few have done worse than Petraeus and Broadwell). Pick any of these:

1. Broadwell is a spy/plant/honey pot/firewalls/shiny object to distract from deeper Benghazi issues and of say, arm sales to Syrian mercenary insurgents in Syria, etc.

2. Broadwell is a spai who was supposed to learn stuff from Petraeus and tell her Nefarious Masters.

3. Broadwell’s sesky email account may have been known about and compromised, and used to send emails to Kelley to start this. And Broadwell’s seksy email account may have been used to send the email to Gen. Allen making comments about Jill Kelley. All of which means some long term planning. (cue James Bond theme)

4. Broadwell is a sloppy mistress (indiscreet and possessive), and Jill Kelley is a drama queen.

5. Promotional stunt for Skyfall.

6. Giant, flesh-eating, shape-shifting reptiles.

 

HT: Newsvandal, Teddy Partridge, and Dr. fFawkes for data, encouragement, spai stuff, and hand-holding.

 

Finally an Intelligent Use for Cupcakes: Hacking Terrorist Sites


I am so over cupcakes. They are twee, precious and ghastly. Which is why I revel in the hideous show Cupcake Wars where cutesy and/or sincere bakers compete to have their creations featured at a semi-high profile event, like a car show or fashion launch. The twist: Bakers must use ingredients inspired by the party–like roast turkey, red licorice, Cheetos, or popcorn. The failures are phenomenal, the critiques fabulously snarky. Unfortunately no one has called them “crap cakes” yet, but I still have half a season saved on DVR to hope for that.

Thankfully  the loathsomely adorable dessert has finally gone to war in a much better way, and not as substitute for grenades, though seriously, some are only suited for that.  No, now cupcakes have joined the War on Terror!

The British intelligence service MI6 hacked into Al Qaeda’s online English language magazine Inspire, produced by radical cleric Anwar al-Awlaki, and replaced the sugar-filled article “Make a bomb in the Kitchen of your Mom” with a page of recipes for “The Best Cupcakes in America” published by the Ellen DeGeneres chat show.

Nothing like a nice mojito cupcake slathered in vanilla butter cream frosting to convert a potentially violent villain into a peace loving hipster.

The Telegraph UK reports that the cyber squad also removed articles by Osama bin Laden, his deputy Ayman al-Zawahiri and a piece called “What to expect in Jihad.” The United States, which knew of the Inspire website declined to get involved:

A Pentagon operation, backed by Gen Keith Alexander, the head of US Cyber Command, was blocked by the CIA which argued that it would expose sources and methods and disrupt an important source of intelligence, according to a report in America.

Inspire magazine was back online in two weeks, but agents will continue the merry prankstering. I hope they will consider substituting a few pages of Pamela Des Barres awesome rock n roll memoir I’m with the Band for an article on how to recruit for a terrorist cell….

 

 

[photo: creative commons, Rachel Kramer Bussel]


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