Sarah Palin’s only grandson–the spawn of failing reality television arriviste Bristol Palin and fellow Wasillabilly fame-scrambler Levi Johnston–three-and-a half year old Tripp Palin called his Aunt Willow a word beginning with F  (either a usually pejorative term for gay men, from the English schoolboy slang for a younger boy who does errands for older students; or the Anglo-Saxon verb for copulation. A production exec who claims he was in the room and watching the video feed pre-bleep claims the latter). Tripp also says

I hate you.

A lot.

With his pedigree and language skills, the adorable, yet poorly disciplined tot would be the perfect replacement for the Muppets who have stepped away from their gig as Chick-fil-A spokespmodels in light of the corporate fowl fryer’s ‘tude. CEO Dan Cathy said:

But as an organization we can operate on biblical principles. So that is what we claim to be. [We are] based on biblical principles, asking God and pleading with God to give us wisdom on decisions we make about people and the programs and partnerships we have. And He has blessed us.”

(Jesus was never quoted in the Gospels as calling LGBT sinners, or defining how people should behave in the privacy of their bedrooms. Jesus overturned all the Old Testament rules–except the Ten Commandments, one could argue–allowing those who believe in him to wear blended fabrics, get tattoos and eat bacon. Paul, who came along after Jesus ascended to Heaven and never knew him, as those to whom Gospels are attributed did, is an interpreter and evangelical rather than a firsthand-ish reporter whose stories where compiled after the fact.)

Burt and Ernie’s pals are standing up for everyone, gay and straight, who is appalled by Chick-fil-A, and not just because of the utterly vile, sub-literate spelling of

filet.

While the word may sound like a sexualized pun rhyming with gay

fill-lay

spelling it

fil-A

is neither cute nor clever. Just stupid.

The company’s dumbing of America continues with their economic war on LGBT via the Chick-fil-A charitable arm WinShape (as if dining on Chick-fil-A  gives you a winning shape) donating close to $2million to anti-LGBT groups, beyond the marriage equality battles:

In 2009 alone, WinShape donated $1,733,699 to multiple anti-gay groups:

• Marriage & Family Legacy Fund: $994,199
• Fellowship Of Christian Athletes: $480,000
• National Christian Foundation: $240,000
• Focus On The Family: $12,500
• Eagle Forum: $5,000
• Exodus International: $1,000
• Family Research Council: $1,000

[Winshape 2009 Publicly Available IRS 990 Form via Foundation Center, accessed 10/28/11]

Mike Huckabee–who has been beating his breast about the abuse  Chick-fil-A has suffered at the hands of the media and the Muppets while ignoring the loathing and lack of equality funded by the food chain–has declared August 1st “Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day” and via Facebook his media onslaught is encouraging people to eat the cholesterol-dense, high-sodium, sugared, MSG-laden fast food. Because he loves America.

There’s also a push to make August 3 National Same-Sex Kiss-In Day at Chick-fil-A, which has some pros and cons. First of all, same sex couples would have to go inside a Chick-fil-A. And all us straight people can do is either find a willing co-kisser, enter a Chick-fil-A to applaud the kiss-in, or keep boycotting some place where we’d never eat anyway.

And if you’ve been wondering what you might be missing by never sampling a gay-hating, heart and soul destroying fast food sammich, here are two chemical-free versions you can try at home,  very gay friendly. But still fried after being battered with  sugar and salt. Part of me thinks natural ice cream might be healthier.

Look, I dislike Sarah Palin for a vast number of reasons. But if you are gonna heckle Bristol Palin in bar, be prepared to answer questions as to why you hate Mama Grizzly bear. Bristol was riding a mechanical bull for scene in her upcoming reality show when a hostile shout-out occurred. It wasn’t very nice, by any stretch of the imagination.

Miss Bris went right over to the man to confront him, asking:

Is it because you’re a homosexual and that’s why you hate her?

The angry guy responded:

Pretty much … and why’d you say I’m a homosexual?

Bristol replied:

Because I can tell you are.

He swears a lot, calls Sarah a liar and a whore, and Bristol stays calms the whole time, asking for examples. She is one cool cucumber.

But Bristol, there are lot of straight people who don’t care for your mother.  Next time you might ask that question to someone who isn’t gay, and doesn’t care for your inference. Because sadly there plenty of those in LA, too.

The whole ugly incident–and I don’t just mean Bristol’s sweatshirt–was captured on video.

Bristol Palin told Dr Drew she doesn’t want to

be named as an abstinence preacher…I’m not out there saying don’t have sex. I hate that kind of stuff. Birth control needs to be used effectively each and every single time if you’re gonna be having sex.

wishes she had stuck to abstinence, but that

I’m not advocating it for everyone else…Kids are gonna do what they’re gonna do.

Bristol compares he work to that of former gang members who can explain to kids why gangs are bad; she has the experience of being a single, teen mom and wants to share that.

three or four days.

stolen

In California, that would be a rape. Is it the same in Alaska?

I’m not accusing Levi of date rape, or rape at all, but I am just looking back with the adult eyes that I have now and just thinking that was a foolish decision. I should have never been underage drinking and I should have never gotten myself into a situation like that.

Dr. Drew didn’t let it go. When Bristol pointed out that she stayed with Levi after that wine cooler-fueled night of amnesia, he gently said:

Now remember what kids do is they try to make it right by justifying what happened.

Bristol justified to Dr. Drew that she kept having sex with Levi because, well, she already had done it, and believed she would marry him.

Dr. Drew observed that, based on her affect and exposition, it seemed like Bristol’s self-expression was stifled, that she

cover[s] a lot of heavy feelings behind a lovely smile…it’s okay to be angry…you’re not allowed to talk about feelings it seems like…

I had planned to watch Dr. Drew tonight–thank you TiVo–so it was a very Los Angeles moment when I walked into Mozza for dinner with friends and saw the man himself, Dr. Drew sitting at a nearby table with his family.  One of the kids was playing with his iPhone during the meal, but he may have just been Googling reactions to his dad’s show.

Academy Award nominated actress Julianne Moore told MTV News that

It was hard, really, really hard

playing former Alaska governor/2008 GOP Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin in the upcoming  Game Change, directed by Jay Roach and based on Mark Halperin and John Heilemann‘s 2010 bestseller of the same name.

I had a great director, Jay Roach who was incredible. I adored him, [he was] so supportive, so smart. I did a lot of research, I worked really hard. It’s hard to play someone who is very present in people’s minds, who’s on television, very idiosyncratic,  I did my best. We’ll see, I hope we pulled it off.

The HBO movie stars Ed Harris as John McCain, and Woody Harrelson as Steve Schmidt, Larry Sullivan as Palin’s deputy chief of staff Chris Edwards, Jamey Sheridan as McCain’s speechwriter and senior campaign advisor Mark Salter.

We’ll get to see behind the scenes with Palin family, too: Melissa Farman plays Bristol Palin, David Barry Gray appears as Todd Palin, and Justin Gaston as Levi Johnston. The film follows the 2008 McCain campaign from the candidate’s selection of Sarah Palin as running mate to their defeat on election night.

Moore worked to get her character’s accent down:

I had to listen to it over and over again. My son was embarrassed because [Palin's speeches were] all that was on my iPod. He said, ‘Where’s your music?’ [I told him] I erased all my music.

The film, shot in Maryland, was reported to be responsible for employing 160 local crew and 1,800 residents as extras. But that kind of job creation wasn’t on Palin’s mind when she spoke to Sean Hannity about Game Change. She wondered why she wasn’t get some money for her kids’ braces. Um, Sarah, haven’t you made millions off your books and TV appearances? Maybe Bristol could help you out with her windfall if you’ve spent all yours!

When last we visited the Alaskan All-stars, aka the the Superstar Snowbunnies, the Thrillas from Wasilla, Sarah was shootin’ elks on her reee-aliteee teevee show and Li’l Bristol  had jest ’bout won the dancin’ show.

Well now it’s almost Valentine’s Day and time to check in on the family:

Sarah Palin™(not) spoke about Ronnie Reagan Friday February 4 at the Reagan Ranch center in honor of the Gipper’s 100th birthday. RIP Ronnie’s son, Ron, Jr. was not amused.

Bristol Palin™(not) moved to Arizona, bought a house, and is writing her memoir! According to RadarOnline.com her new home is a 4000 square feet, with five bedrooms, and she scooped it up at the bargain price of $172,000 cash. Meanwhile, there are no court papers supporting Ms Bris’ wish Facebook post that Tripp’s last name was changed to “Palin.”

In other sad name related news, Reuters reports that both Sarah and Bristol Palin’s attempts to trademark their names were rejected because… A trademark examiner said:

Registration is refused because the applied-for mark, SARAH PALIN, consists of a name identifying a particular living individual whose consent to register the mark is not of record.

In other words…um she forgot to sign application.

The office also said Palin’s application failed to show that her name had been used in commerce and could also be rejected on those grounds.
Bristol Palin’s application also will need to be redone, according to a similar office action filed in her case.

Clap for Bristol!

Tonight I am going to interrupt my regularly scheduled catchup of Tivo’ed One Tree Hill reruns–I’m now up to their senior year at Tree Hill High, and Lucas has just admitted he has a heart condition; plus he’s stiill in love with Brooke who is competing with new girl Rachel, the red head with a secret.

Instead I’ll liveblog Bristol Palin on Dancing with the Stars. Though, calling Bristol Palin  a “star” is really pushing it. One appearance on The Secret Life of the American Teenager does not a star make. But maybe the star in question is Mark Ballas, Bristols’s dancing partner who scored two series wins.

With Sarah Palin allegedly in the audience, supposedly the duo will be cutting a rug to Three Dog Night’s “Mama Told Me Not To Come” which seems a little too stunt casting. And really, to be biologically correct shouldn’t the title be “I Told Him Not to Come”? Or heck, just scrap it and twist away to Martin Mull’s “Jesus is Easy” with the catchy refrain, “Jesus is easy, just get down or your knees” because you can’t like get preggers from a bj.

Bristol is low balled at 22/1 odds to win this season, though Florence Henderson has the worst odds, at 25/1.  Dancing With the Stars though is more of popularity contest than a strict talent-only show, so maybe the Palinites will GOTV for Miss Abstinence Only…

Audrina Patridge 8/1
Brandy 3/1
Bristol Palin 22/1
“The Hoff” David Hasselhoff 10/1
Florence Henderson 25/1
Jennifer Grey 7/2
Kyle Massey 25/1
Kurt Warner 12/1
Margaret Cho 20/1
Michael Bolton 10/1
Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 7/1
Rick Fox 11/2

Imagine my horror, though when someone sent me email explaining how to skew the vote on DWTS to make sure a certain favorite wins. Wait, I thought the idea always was one person, one vote, but on reality shows it’s like ten votes per person. Or more if you are sneaky. Somehow that seems down right unAmerican! Unless of course you want America’s Sweetheart to win. And what if Bristol gets a low vote and LOSES? Will there be a recount? A re-jiggering of how voting works?

At any rate, here’s what I was sent about DWTS’ voting.

1. You can vote multiple accounts on multiple browsers. So if you have 10 accounts you can vote them on IE, then switch to Mozilla, then to Google Chrome, and any number of browsers.

2. You can vote the same accounts on multiple computers. The system does not register that an account has already been voted.

3. You do not have to use a legit email to start an account. For example, I pick a local college. All of their emails end in nctc.edu, so I make up an user name and add that to the end in order to make up additional accounts.

4. If fans are in contact with other fans, they can share their account lists and vote each set on other computers.

5. Start voting as soon as the show starts-once its over phone lines are jammed and online voting slows down. I normally vote until around 11CST, get a few hours sleep and then hit it again. Overnight the online voting is much faster.

I will not participate in voter fraud, even if it’s a reality show, and I sincerely hope none you will either. I am hoping that exposing this heinous miscarriage will trigger an ethics investigation and put an end to the ghastly practice of reality TV ballot stuffing!

creative commons allen jae lee

Levi Johnston told CBS’s Early Show that the only thing he regrets is apologizing to Sarah Palin because his “sorry” seem like his original reports of life chez Palin were lies.

I don’t really regret anything. But the only thing I wish I wouldn’t have done is to put out that apology. ‘Cause it kind of makes me sound like a liar. And I’ve never lied about anything. So that’s probably the only thing. The rest of the stuff I can live with.

The rest of the stuff includes posing for Playgirl and placing a diamond engagement ring on Bristol Palin’s bed surrounded by a rose petal heart to renew their pre-wedded state. Only that kinda fell apart. But those zany kids have another plan: Instead of marriage, they’re each going to do a reality show.

Just to sweeten the pot and twist the plot a bit more, Levi is running for mayor of Wasilla, the job his nearly once-and-former mother-in-law Sarah held in her upwardly mobile trajectory to the New York Times Best Seller List, while Bristol will appear on Dancing with the Stars.

Levi Johnson is reportedly spending some nights in the Anchorage apartment of his ex, Bristol Palin and their son Tripp.

Bristol, one the world’s most famous unwed mothers and a spokesperson for abstinence, is living on her own, away from her mother Sarah Palin which might explain why Levi is coming around more often.

Levi was orderde to pay $18,500 is back child support. Maybe they should just get married…

TMZ reports that Bristol Palin has filed for $1,750 a month in child support from Levi Johnston, retroactive to the birth of their son Tripp on December 27, 2008.

Miss Bris claims that Levi has earned

in excess of $105,000 in 2009 through various media interviews and modeling related activities

and has only paid her $4,300. Meanwhile, Levi’s lawyer says the sometimes model/spokesperson has paid $10,00 in child support, and besides he hasn’t been paid for every interview he’s given, so the $105,000 is ridiculous.

But um, maybe someone wants to check around and see if family members have been paid by tabloids for selling stories about the Palins…just saying.

"Practiced" seems to be the operative word, since they didn’t quite get it right….

Then Bristol Palin’s ex-boyfriend hedges a bit and says

Well most of the time.

Tyra asks if there was a "wardrobe malfunction."  But yes, it sounds more like an inability to follow basic directions on the condom wrapper–you’re supposed to put it on in the beginning and leave it on. There can be advance spillage, ya know!

And "most of the time" could Tripp you up…