Late Night: Candidates Get Jiggy

The debates are tomorrow! (I’ll be at the opera, seeing Don Giovanni with the sublime milliner Satanica Batcakes sharing the balcony box with me. But I’m TiVoing them). Expect lots of goofy videos post-debates, but here are a few culled from the intertubes showing the huge affect elections have on pop culture including, of course, celebrity reminders to get out the vote.

Chuck Norris’ call to GOTV is especially interesting because he is making a direct reference to the Dark Ages, and calling for conservative Christians to vote in order to prevent

a thousand years of darkness.

the during the so-called “Dark Ages,” lasting from the Fall of Rome usually given as 476 and depending on your historical bent and knowledge, lasting through to 1000 or to the 14th Century. But how dark were they? Well dark because we don’t have that much knowledge about them. Christianity was expanding.  And of course it was the age of Muslim expansion as well. So wait, is Chuck Norris claiming that if Christians don’t vote, Christianity will expand? Or that Islam will expand? Or that we will have “darkness” because the internets will crash and thus all of future generations’ knowledge about LOLcats will be destroyed much like  the dark ages are considered dark because we don’t have a lot of information about them?

Just vote, okay?

Rich Gent Wing? GOP Candidate Anagrams


The names of the five GOP candidates make for some goofy, at times telling, anagrams. The letters of openly gay, pro-choice, pro-pot  candidate GOP candidate Fred Karger’s name only rearrange into one anagram, while Rick Santorum’s moniker provides the most. And the raunchiest. Here are some of the choice and fitting combinations.

NEWT GINGRICH
Cringing Whet
Etch Grin Wing
Gent Rig Winch
Get Inch Wring
Grit Gin Wench
Retching Wing
Rich Gent Wing

FRED KARGER
Erg Dark Ref

RON PAUL
A Pol Run
Lunar Op
Oral Pun
Run A Lop

MITT ROMNEY:
I My Torment
Memory Tint
Metro Minty
Not My Merit
Remit My Ton
To Mr Enmity
Yo Mr Mitten

RICK SANTORUM
A Scrotum Rink
A Trick Mourns
Crank Tourism
Crank Out Rims
I Rank Scrotum
Iron Smut Rack
It Murks Acorn
Main Cork Rust
Manic Rusk Rot
Mr Sour Catkin
Muck A Torn Sir
O Karmic Turns
Oink Crams Rut
Or Irk Sanctum
Riots Can Murk
Rim Nuts Croak
Rum Snack Riot
Rut Minor Sack
Scat Ink Rumor
Scrota In Murk
Sir Coma Trunk
Smack Ruin Rot
Smirk Can Tour
Snout Rim Rack
Strain Or Muck
Taco Smirk Run
Tin Sack Rumor
Trucks A Minor
Uncorks A Trim

Happy Equinox! Aleister Crowley for President!


The earliest vernal equinox in over a century arrives March 20th at 05:14 Universal Time, which means for those of us in Los Angeles, spring is sprung tonight at 10:14 thanks to the miracle of Daylight Savings Time.

And what better to add to your equinox celebration than by giving a rousing toast to British mystic, magician, mountaineer, sexual rebel and poet Aleister Crowley who is being presented as posthumous write-in for president of the United States? While incarnate, Crowley wrote:

which is a pretty right on statement, and the website AC2012 explains the campaign:

We realize that Aleister Crowley is dead. And British. And, moreover, not running for office. Nevertheless, we believe that the most effective vote you can cast in 2012 is one for Aleister Crowley. Considering staying home and not voting? You’ll be in the vast, silent, ignored majority. Until now, the only other way for voters to express their dissatisfaction was to vote for Mickey Mouse or Cthulhu. We applaud all these efforts, but votes for such characters are an expression of mere dissatisfaction. Such votes fail to send a positive message about what Americans and all people truly want: Liberty

If 1% of voters write in “Aleister Crowley,” then his message of Liberty will be heard around the world, as amazed media report a groundswell of support for someone they thought was not only dead and British, but still the wickedest man in the world. We don’t actually imagine he will get that many votes, but that’s beside the point. Ceci n’est pas une campagne politique.

As goofy as it may seem, the AC2012 campaign serves as reminder to register and vote in the primaries and the general election because even though we may not be enthusiastic about the presidential candidates, it’s important to show up at the voting booth as there are state local candidates and issues, along with providing an opportunity for people to learn more about Crowley, as this ad shows.

Remember, as Crowley wrote:

Love is the law, Love under Will. Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

Santorum Froths in New Hampshire: Gay Marriage Boner

So Rick Santorum has dug himself in deeper! And also blew it as he was speaking before a crowd of college Republicans in Concord.

Today’s was one of series of rapid-fire, soon-to-be-patented “Santorum boners,” which have slipped from the candidate’s lips. On Wednesday night, he lamely tried to explain away the

make black people’s lives better by giving them somebody else’s money

comment he made in Iowa by telling John King that

In fact, I’m pretty confident I didn’t say ‘black.’ I started to say a word and sort of mumbled it and changed my thought. I don’t recall saying black. No one in that audience heard me say that.

He “started to say a word.” What word? Black? Blighted? Blowsy? Bleached? Blond? Bleary-eyed? (Oh wait, that’s a hyphenate!)

And today the ever frothy Santorum, in front of a crowd of college Republicans, drew jeers when he compared gay marriage to polygamy.

Are we saying everyone should have the right to marry? So anyone can marry anyone else? So anybody can marry several people?

There is a big difference between two people marrying, no matter what the gender combo, and polygamy. Like an extra person difference. And actually anybody can marry several people.

You just have to un-marry the current spouse first. Like Newt Gingrich.

Buh Bye Fap Pages: Bachmann Pledges to Ban Porn

Hey America, you can kiss your Playboy centerfolds and internet fap fests goodbye if Michelle Bachmann is elected. Tea Party/GOP nutcase  Bachmann is the first candidate to sign THE FAMiLY LEADER pledge banning pornography, and based on her views, I think she may put Hugh Hefner’s empire in the same category as Tub Girl.

The FAMiLY LEADER pledge entitled, “The Marriage Vow – A Declaration of Dependence upon Marriage and Family,” was created by uber-conservative evangelical leader Bob Vander Plaats who, as state chair, led Mike Huckabee to win the Iowa caucuses. Vander Plaates, considered one of the top 10 must-have endorsements, says THE FAMiLY LEADER will not support a candidate who refuses to sign the pledge which has as some of its 14 points:

- Personal fidelity to his/her spouse – Appointing faithful constitutionalists as judges – Opposition to any redefinition of marriage – Support for the legal advocacy for the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) – Humane efforts to protect women and children, (sex trafficking, pornography, etc) – Rejection of anti-women Sharia Islam – Commitment to downsizing government because of the burden to the American family

I would hope that “faithful constitutionalist” judge would reject any attempts to alter the Constitution to fit a conservative Evangelic point of view. You know,  the First Amendment thingy:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

The FAMiLY LEADER has sponsored a presidential speaker series which so far featured Rep. Michele Bachmann, Herman Cain, Rep. Ron Paul, and Gov. Tim Pawlenty, and Sen. Rick Santorum. Speaker Newt Gingrich–who financially supported Vander Plaats’ effort to remove three same-sex marriage supporting Iowa Supreme Court judges–will speak  this weekend. While it’s no suprise that Bachmann eagerly scrawled her name on  pledge, other presidential candidates as not quick so quick on the draw: Tim Pawlenty is reviewing the pledge, and the Des Moines Register reports:

an aide to to former Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman said he never signs any pledges. A spokesman for U.S. Rep. Ron Paul, R-Texas, said the congressman has reservations, while a representative of President Barack Obama’s Democratic campaign committee declined comment. Former Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty, a Republican, is reviewing the pledge, a spokesman said Thursday night. Several other GOP presidential candidates didn’t respond to requests for comment, including former Michigan Gov. Mitt Romney, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum, and retired Georgia businessman Herman Cain.

 

[photo: Michelle Bachmann, CPAC 2011 by Gage Skidmore]


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