Paula Deen Turns Down Dancing with the Stars

There will no redemption on the dance floor for Paula Deen. The disgraced cooking show hostess and former Smithfield Hams spokeshole has wisely turned down a spot of ABC’s Dancing with the Stars, six weeks after it was reported that she fired her manager. A Deen paid friend representative told Us Magazine:

The dance floor is not the appropriate forum for her.

Well bless her heart, it certainly isn’t, despite DWTS co-host Tom Bergeron telling Us:

We’ve seen career resurgences after the show. People go, ‘I remember why I love that person!

In Paula’s case, she’d probably get voted off immediately, adding to her humiliation and reinforcing that someone who cosigns sexual harassment and racism while disrespecting and degrading 

people that she deems to be inferior

just aren’t real popular.  And an appearance on DWTS isn’t a guarantee for long-term success. Just ask Bristol Palin.

Bruno Makes an Ass Out of Ron Paul

bruno.thumbnail.jpgSasha Baron Cohen’s faux Austrian fashionista Bruno dropped trou in a hotel room gave libertarian Ron Paul a view of his butt cheeks, the Texas Congressman told radio host Curtis Sliwa. Paul was expecting an intellectual discussion of Austrian economics, but instead after arriving in:

A studio situation where they had a lot of lights, burn and blaze and all kinds of commotion. They said — better get in this back room here. And all of a sudden, I was in this room, which they had it all fixed up as a bedroom. So, getting me there was sort of dishonesty. Getting me into the interview.

I was expecting an interview on Austrian economics. So, that didn’t turn out that way. But, by the time he started pulling his pants down, I, What is going on here? I ran out of the room. This interview has ended.

Paul admits he hadn’t heard of Sasha Baron Cohen and his alter egos Borat and Bruno, Now he is in an uncomfy position because of the conflicts:

When this all gets out, I’m probably going to have to apologize to my supporters because I think most of them are going to figure out why in the world didn’t I sock this guy in the nose?… Movies I used to see are ‘Sound of Music.’ Tonight, I was sitting here watching ‘Gone with the Wind.’ So, I don’t watch that kind of stuff. And I understand he makes a lot of money. But, if he makes a lot of money, I have to permit the market to do this.

 I cna understand how Ron Paul may not have wanted to see Borat, but how could he have missed out the movie’s box office figures (Over $26 million on opening weekend, over $128 million total)?

I don’t like the idea that he lies his way into an interview. That to me is fraud. But, the fact that he has raunchy material and people buy into it, it’s sort of sad that that is a reflection of our culture. To me, it’s a real shame that people are going to reward him with millions and millions of dollars for being so crass.

What the market will bear…

Levi Johnston Unbuttoned! Bares All While Wearing Sweater Vest on Tyra

Levi Johnston–the father of Sarah Palin’s first grandchild, former boyfriend of Bristol Palin–appeared on the Tyra Banks Show  Monday. And wow, he’s cute. And kinda–well it’s good he has hunting to fall back on. He’s seems very sweet and shy and really not capable of lying…because—um like I said, it’s good he can hunt for his food. By the way in case you were wondering, Levi says  moose tastes like


In the first segment, he explains what happened after Tripp was born and why he and Bristol broke up:

Things got all complicated, uh we started fightin’. We just weren’t seeing to eye to each other anymore and we thought it’d better to be friends.

I think the friends thing might be not an option any more, given the harsh words Gov GILF has issued in statements. Comments like these don’t really make for warm Thanksgiving get-togethers:

Levi admits that since the break up he can’t see cant see Tripp as much. One reason Bristol put her foot down:

Her and my sister don’t get along.

And part of that is because Levi’s sister Mercede (Mer-say-dee) is friends with a lot of the girls Levi used to date and Bristol doesn’t want "previous girlsfriends" to see Tripp.

While he says never felt  pressured into getting engaged to Bristol, Levi did feel a bit pressured about going to the RNC convention. Mercede told Tyra:

Levi told me [Bristol Palin] called and said that, ‘You’re going,’ and he said, ‘I want to go hunting,’ and she said, ‘You’re going.’

Maybe that should have been a clue this relationship was doomed…

So why are the Johnstons breaking their silence? And for free!? As Tyra points out, they weren’t paid for their appearance!

Well, they want to let America know that they’re good people and underneath it all comes out that the Johnstons are genuinely expressing their hurt at not being able to see baby Tripp. But also there’s "so much bad stuff" being said in the media, that they want to clear up a lot of the stories which get distorted.  Oopsie. Maybe posting personal stuff on Myspace isn’t a really good idea.

"Gram" Sherry Johnston, baby Tripp’s other granny, explains that things changed and once Palin was nominated for vice president and are now a nightmare. The Johnstons

Never expected this to happened, the media…media everywhere, never being able to say anything…

Mereced explained thatduring campaign all questions were  to be refered to the McCain campaign and then answered "no comment," which was really hard for her.

The saga just gets just gets sadder: Sherry, Mercede and Levi have been denied access to baby Tripp by Sarah and Bristol.  Sherry naively/tactfully/like a good conservative blames the media because she doesn’t know who else to blame–and because frankly if she blames Sarah Palin’s stuck up self-righteous attitude, things will just get worse. And really, so what if Sherry was arrested for distribution of oxycontin? Gov GILF’s semi-sister-in-law was busted for breaking into a house. Twice. In one week. With her 4 year old in tow.

The real heart breaker for Gram Sherry, and for any grandmother?

I don’t get no pictures. I’m not wanting pictures to go sell.

Levi and his family now get to see Tripp about once a month, and while they haven’t gone to court, he’s

Looking like it, I don’t want to go that way…

Heck, surely there’s a father’s rights group that will help him out wiht the legal fees, because this could get ugly. And expensive.

Levi’s biggest piece of advice (and not it’s not using condoms!): When it comes to getting a name tattooed on your finger:

I don’t recommend it.

Bristol Palin: Abstinence Not Realistic

Last night Bristol Palin gave an interview to Greta van Susteren, and without her parents’ permission since she’s now 18. She did give her parents a day’s notice (and Gov GILF shows up in part 2, holding Tripp, to give her insight into the matter). 

Bristol wishes things had gone differently and admits that abstinence is not realistic:

I wished it would have happened in, like, 10 years so I could have a job and an education and be, like, prepared and have my own house and stuff. But he brings so much joy, I don’t regret it at all. I just wish it would have happened in 10 years, rather than right now.

She discusses her future with Levi:

Eventually, we’d like to get married. We’re focusing on, like, getting through school and just getting an education and stuff, getting a career going. 

Despite an extended family that looks after Tripp while she’s at school, Bristol’s been faced with the difficulties of having a baby:

And just you’re up all night. And it’s not glamorous at all. Like, your whole priorities change after having a baby.

Bristol has some words of experience:

It’s not something to strive for, I guess. It’s just — I don’t know. I’m not the first person that it’s happened to and I’m not going to be the last. But I don’t know. I’d love for — to be an advocate to prevent teen pregnancy because it’s not, like, a situation that you want to strive for, I guess.

Greta tries to pry about  whether or not Levi and Bristol were using birth control, but Bristol deflects the question and says that abstinence isn’t the answer:

I don’t want to get into detail about that. But I think abstinence is, like — like, the — I don’t know how to put it — like, the main — everyone should be abstinent or whatever, but it’s not realistic at all….o see stories like this and to see other stories of teen moms and just — it’s something that’s — I don’t know, just — you should just wait 10 years and it’d just be so much easier.

And  while in the past her mom Gov GILF  has spoken in favor of contraception and would

like to see fewer and fewer abortions,

when dropping in on her daughter’s interview, Palin waffles a bit and tries to stress abstinence, while still kinda supporting birth control:

So you get behind that, that ideal of, yes, abstinence, you know? Hey, don’t get pregnant. Well, get beyond that when it happens, and then you deal with it. Life happens. Life happens and you deal with it, and Bristol’s dealing with it wonderfully.

Palin, Fleetwood Mac, Justin Timberlake, Bono: Now Starring in Charitable Causes

victangelcherub_lg.thumbnail.jpg* Sarah Palin unwittingly helped Planned Parenthood raise over $1 million during the presidential campaign when the e-mails asking for donations in her name spread virally in September and October. The e-mail directed people to Planned Parenthood’s Web site to donate in Palin’s name, and money went to the Planned Parenthood branch located in the same ZIP code as the giver.  Donors could then have that branch of Planned Parenthood send Palin a card announcing the gift.

When asked about the fund-raising campaign yesterday, Alaska’s Frost Lady responded:

I have boxes of thank-you notes from people associated with Planned Parenthood thanking me for the donations. Same with some anti-hunting groups, they’re doing the same thing right now. It’s political theater–it’s great theater I guess for some.

Planned Parenthood Alaska–which received $5000 in donations during the email push– said they would earmark the money to help women access birth control, and that the funds would not be used to fund abortions. Palin is vehemently opposed to abortion as well as Plan B (the morning-after pill), but told Katie Couric she was:

all for contraception..all for preventative measures that are legal and safe.

Planned Parenthood provides sex and STD education,  STD care, women’s gynecological health care, and birth control along with abortion counseling and services. In response to yesterday’s query about Planned Parenthood  Palin said:

But on the issue of Planned Parenthood and abortion, at least Planned Parenthood, officials there and, I, we agree on a mission here that we’d like to see fewer and fewer abortions. And I, embracing the culture of life, have perhaps a different approach in how I would like to see that goal reached.

Here’s a pro tip for Gov GILF: Abstinence doesn’t work.

*  To help parents meet their children’s educational needs, the supergroup Fleetwood Mac is auctioning off VIP tickets and meet-and-greets with Mick Fleetwood as a fundraiser. The auction benefits Hilltop Nursery School in Silver Lake, California, a parent-participation, cooperative pre-school founded over 50 years ago. Pairs of tickets for each show on the band’s Unleashed tour–plus face time with Fleetwood–are up for auction on eBay now and the charity auctions will continue throughout the tour.

*  Justin Timberlake joined Bill Murray, Ray Romano, Kevin James, and Michael Bolton on the golf course at the AT&T Pebble Beach Pro-Am, helping to raise over $6 million dollars for a number of charities including schools, arts programs, services for the blind and senior and food banks.

*  In an essay in Elle magazine, Bono discusses a trip to Africa he took six years ago and the changes he has seen since there has been an increase in awareness and funding in HIV/AIDS care on the continent:

Our science and technology, it turned out, were more advanced than our conscience. We in the West had the means to save lives, but we lacked the resolve.

What can we do? Well, the short answer is: a lot. At the time of that trip, only 50,000 Africans had access to ARVs [anti-retrovial drugs]. That figure today is 2.1 million. That’s because a lot of people have been doing a lot of things, in Africa and all over the world. In the face of the AIDS emergency, we’ve got to gang up on the problem.

Bono points out the effect of conscious consumerism, specifically the (RED) brands–everyday consumer goods from coffee and wine to clothing and electronics–that benefit the Global Fund to Fight AIDS. Since its inception (RED) has raised $120 million for prevention and counseling programs as well as treatment, and is now the thirteenth biggest contributor to the Global Fund, giving more than some countries. Explains Bono:

The companies involved don’t mark up their products to get you to pay a premium. They take a piece of the profits from every (RED) thing you buy, and they use it to buy lifesaving medication for those who can’t afford it. 

Charities and non-profits are feeling the economic chill, and sadly–between the markets, Madoff and budget cuts–it looks like it’s going to get colder. Celebrities help draw attention and money (maybe giving some of their own cash in the process) to causes, hopefully helping to maintain or increase donations as the need for services is on the rise. 

Palin’s Naughty Monkeys Sell on EBay

A51xwpj5rnrl_aa280_.thumbnail.jpg pair of red, Naughty Monkey Double-Dare pumps allegedly worn by Sarah Palin during her stump for vice-president sold on an EBay auction for $2,025. They were not part of the Palin’s campaign clothing windfall currently languishing in trashbags at RNC headquarters, according to the seller, who claims to Gov GILF’s niece. Rather Alaska’s Frost Lady bought them herself at a store in Juneau; the peep-toe pumps retail for as much as $89.99 on Amazon.

Gift with purchase: A collection of  autographed pictures and a Sharpie used by Palin. As part of the purchase agreement, the former vice-presidential candidate is supposed to autograph the footwear.

Says Modi Frank–who runs Giving Engine, which manages auctions for non-profits and schools using EBay as a platform:

If this is indication of the vaue of her clothing, then the RNC should definitely begin auctioning off her clothes for charity, since charities are really hurting in this economy, and it would be a wonderful cause-marketing for Palin as well.

No word if the ruby colored faux-alligator shoes can control flying monkeys, or what the buyer, whose name was not revealed plans to do with them.

Levi’s Plugged-In Apprenticeship Raises Questions

surge-protector-type-26al.thumbnail.jpgIn a series of frantic media calls earlier this week, Gov Sarah Palin stated that her daughter Bristol is enrolled in high school and that Levi Johnston, Bristol’s boyfriend and the father of Palin’s grandson Tripp, is not a high school drop-out and is taking correspondent courses to complete his degree.

The Frost Lady of Alaska told People Magazine that she:

wanted to be clear about their continuing work toward high school degrees because any suggestion otherwise "harms Bristol’s reputation and Levi’s reputation and their chances for good work opportunities." 

 Oh you betcha it does. According to an editorial by Dan Fagan in today’s Achorage Daily News:

federal regulations require all members of apprentice programs, union or otherwise, to first obtain a high school diploma, something the governor’s soon-to-be son-in- law does not have. Some apprentice programs even require the completion of high school level algebra or the post-secondary equivalent.

 The head of the Arctic Slope Regional Corporation’s apprentice program, Bo Underwood, confirmed that Levi Johnston is employed by the corporation as an apprentice elctrician. But he claimed not to know whether a high school diploma is needed to be an ASRC apprentice, but said he would check on it.

A quick search online shows that in Alaska a high school diploma or GED is required to apprentice in most trades. A electrical worker’s apprentice job advertised on requires a high school diploma or GED and copies of transcrips, plus

Applicants must have at least one year of high school Algebra with passing grades

 Well at least Levi has a job. For now.

Palin Leaves Poppy Hangin’ On the Telephone…

Ooooh, somebody’s in trouble in the Alaska governor’s office. Well, actually pretty much everyone’s in trouble at the Palins, especially after Gram Johnson got caught with the Oxy-unclean.

Hey, why hasn’t Bristol had her junior goalie yet, or is the blessed event being held off for Xmas to prove a point? Pro tip–doubtful Bristol’s a virgin. 

So, it’s come out that Palin dissed out national treasure Poppy Bush, or in that classic boss dodge, "Never got the message."  Former Prez Bush, George 41, called Palin’s office to congratulate her for getting the  VP nod. And she didn’t call him back! Rude! Maybe she got caught up in reading all the newspapers and magazines…or taking calls from "real" presidents like Nicolas Sarkozy.

But then the former president rang up after the election to commiserate, and once again, Sarah couldn’t be bothered to take the call.  Chivalrous Poppy referred to it as "staff error" to US News’ source, who reported that the former president "seemed perplexed" about the matter.

A Palin aide says Caribou Barbie never got the messages:

At this time, we are not aware of any attempts by President Bush to get in touch with the governor, but again, she would be honored to receive a call.

Expect no bonuses, or even the standard holiday gift of moose burgers.