Oh Madonna, first it was the critics and tabloids, and now it’s the exorcists. The pop star/actress/director/rich lady will be the subject of a discussion at a Polish exorcist convention. Father Andrzej Grefkowic–an exorcist and one of the organizers of the conference, held every two years at the Jasna Góra monastery–said:
Part of the conference is dedicated to the hidden subliminal message in communication, and the choice of this subject was inspired by the woman who dares to call herself Madonna.
Poor Father Andy must have missed the 1980s (and every decade afterwards), never bothering to read even the flimsiest biography on Madonna: It was Madonna’s parents who “dared” to bestow that name on their daughter.
Father Andy also will warn the 300 or so clergy and lay people expected to attend the five day conference of a growing risk from Satan, citing the increasing popularity of tattoos, body piercings, horoscopes and magic shows as ways evil could corrupt people. Because Christians don’t get tattoos or body piercings. Oh wait, whoops, they do! And magic shows! Oh teh horror! Teh horror! David Copperfield is scary and will make you worship Satan. (And barbecue babies!) I would have expected a more up-to-date scintillating sin-posé, like how the “LOL” in Lolcats Cats means “Lucifer On Line” but maybe Father Andy is still using dial-up and AOL.
Okay, in all fairness to the Polish exorcist convention and their tenderly held convictions, if one felt so inclined, one could analyze the lyrics in Madonna’s hit “Lucky Star” as a hymn to Lucifer, in that it refers the the first star to show at night and in the morning, Venus.
How you have fallen from heaven, O morning star, son of the dawn! You have been cast down to the earth, you who once laid low the nations![Isa 14:12-15]
Meanwhile in arcane theological and conspiracy circles, there is some debate about whether or not Satan and Lucifer, the morning and evening star, are even the same being, but that is on a par with how many angels–or devils–can dance on the head of a pin (blame John Milton and Paradise Lost for that one). Just gets more confusing, in the New Testament, Jesus is referred to as the Morning Star. Maybe Madonna means Jesus and not Lucifer and/or Satan. You decide. Oh, but wait there’s MOAR! Check out the lyrics for “Beautiful Stranger,” in which Madonna croons:
I looked into your eyes
And my world came tumbling down
You’re the devil in disguise
That’s why I’m singing this song
Oh yeah, that’s clear evidence:::snort::that Madonna is league in with the Devil. Holy Xenu’s toenail, seriously Madonna stopped being (superficially) transgressive and thus controversial in the flyovers after her book “Sex” came out, so I hope she feels honored to be recognized as a relevant force of evil these days.
But actually even with its creaky retro themes, the Exorcist Fest sounds way more fun than the “Defending the Faith” Caribbean cruise:
The special focus of this cruise will be defending the Catholic faith, something all of us are going to need to get better at in the days to come…Our apologists can arm you with the knowledge and the methods that you need to answer the challenges you encounter to your Catholic faith – on any topic, from the basic to the advanced….
- Learn to defend your faith using the Bible, the Church Fathers, and the official documents of the Church.
- Explore the link between faith and reason so you can confront the militant atheism sweeping our society.
- Practice debating skills that few outside the world of professional apologetics know
Not only do you get daily Mass and a chance to see Hairspray in the Royal Caribbean Oasis of the Sea theater (wait, is Hairspray too blasphemous?), you’ll have the early seating at dinner so as not to miss exciting programs like this one offered by Catholicanswers.com‘s director of development, Christopher Check:
On the cruise, I’ll be defending the Church against the charges that the Crusades and the Spanish Inquisition are events for which we Catholics need to apologize. [emphasis mine]
Oh, no of course there’s no need to apologize for torture and murder of thousands, for forced conversions, expulsions, the seizing of property. And Malleus Maleficarum, ignore it. That handy guide to barbaric torture and hideous ways to kill women suspected of witchcraft was written by German Inquisitors. Chris Check will be defending the Spanish Inquisition, not the German one. WTF? Cabins are still available if you’re interested in trolling the blue water of the Caribbean this November to ask how these apologetics plan to explain the physical and sexual abuse of children by clergy members.