Late Night: Smells Like Women and Gold!

 

A New Jersey Catholic school has banned swearing for female students — but not for the boys:

Female students at a Catholic high school in northern New Jersey have taken a “no-cursing” pledge at the request of school administrators, though some question why no such demand was made of male students.

Lori Flynn, a teacher who organized the campaign at Queen of Peace High School in North Arlington, told The Record of Woodland Park there is no double-standard. She says that while males weren’t asked to take the vow, they have been asked not to swear when girls are near…A pitcher on the school’s baseball team,  said he can’t help shouting obscenities from the mound after mishaps, and he didn’t expect that to change.

But potty mouths aren’t the reason women can’t be Catholic priests. That ban is because, explains Dominican Fr. Wojciech Giertych, the theologian of the papal household,

Women have a special access to the heart of Jesus in a very vivid way of approaching him, of touching him, of praying with him, of pouring ointment on his head, of kissing his feet.

And plus, says Giertych in his interview with the National Catholic Register

Priests love the church in a characteristically “male way” when they show concern “about structures, about the buildings of the church, about the roof of the church which is leaking, about the bishops’ conference, about the concordat between the church and the state.

Also, vaginas.

The Catholic Church hasn’t weighed in yet about a British businessman who has a nose growing out of his arm:

Experts at University College London say the new nose will look exactly the same as the man’s original one, and hope it will even have a sense of smell.

The trial marks the first time a full nose has been grown from scratch, and could in future be used as a therapy for patients such as soldiers and car crash victims, the Daily Mail reported.

Science has found a way to turn waste into gold, which isn’t quite the same as turning bread and wine into human flesh and blood, and definitely something that would have gotten you burned at the stake:

A group of scientists has identified a bacterium that turns toxic water-soluble gold into microscopic nuggets of the solid precious metal, reveals the paper published Monday in Nature Chemical Biology.

Eureka!

39 Responses to "Late Night: Smells Like Women and Gold!"
Dearie | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:07 pm 1

As a fallen away, and as an old lady, may I politely say “Fuck ‘em.”


Margaret | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:09 pm 2

Does that mean I despise the church in a characteristically female way? In fact, wtf does that mean for fuck’s sake? Oops! There goes that swearing thing.


EvilDrPuma | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:09 pm 3

Fuck that shit!


Margaret | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:11 pm 4
In response to EvilDrPuma @ 3

That had better not be Mrs. EDP!
/Lori Flynn Phlegm.


Dearie | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:12 pm 5

And I used to play first base, so I’m sure that permits me to say “Fuck ‘em.” Are we all holy now? Yes, I think so.


tejanarusa | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:12 pm 6

Trying to wrap my head around the “no double standard” claim…does this teacher know what the words mean (double standard, that is, not the dirty ones).
Sigh. le plus la change, etc…
(’cause I can’t remember the rest of the French)

Something tells me growing a nose out of an arm would’ve gotten those doctors burned at the stake in certain earlier eras, as well.

[Dearie, you are much more succinct, but I gotta express my thought process. ; ) ]

The gold thingy…let me see if I get that one…you gotta start with gold (although a toxic form of gold…why didn’t I know there was a toxic form of gold?) to get…gold?


Margaret | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:12 pm 7

I asked last night but I don’t think I got an answer before I passed out, has anybody heard from Dr. Dick? I can’t remember having seen his fonts lately.


Lisa Derrick | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:12 pm 8

I like the gold pooping bacteria, myself!


Margaret | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:13 pm 9
In response to tejanarusa @ 6

But think about how handy an arm nose would be for the coke head. No straws needed!


tejanarusa | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:13 pm 10

You guys are all much funnier than I.

and Peg! Back to normal, are ya?


Dearie | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:15 pm 11
In response to tejanarusa @ 6

Is ‘succinct’ a dirty word? I think it is. It sure does sound dirty. Sucky and all. Three afternoons in detention for you, young lady!


tejanarusa | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:15 pm 12

(weird, there’s no “reply” except on my last comment)

Peg, Dr. Dick put up a post on FB that he’s got a very nasty cold, and was medicating with a hot toddy followed by going back to bed.

That was tonight, I think, so think we can assume he’s alive, if somewhat miserable.


tejanarusa | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:19 pm 13

Dearie — it does sound that way, doesn’t it? ; )
Monty Python could have built a whole sketch around it, had they thought of that one.

Maybe I’m not instantly cursing because I wasn’t raised Catholic.

In fact, in the small Lutheran church where I spent my childhood and adolescence, my mother was actually permitted to do that loving-of-the-church-in-a-masculine way, by being on the church building committe, showing concern over choosing an architect and approving plans and choosing a builder, and managing the budget and the fund-raising and all that masculine-concern-for-the-leaking-church-building stuff.
The church that was built is still standing too, 50 years later.
:-)


Margaret | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:19 pm 14
In response to tejanarusa @ 10

Won’t say “normal” but better. Still a bit sore. Thanks for asking though.


Margaret | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:20 pm 15
In response to tejanarusa @ 12

Thanks for the info. And get well soon DrD.


Lisa Derrick | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:24 pm 16

Poor Dr. D. I spent Tuesday night through Thursday afternoon asleep to fight off an impending cold. I’d wake up, drink some Emergen-C, pop some herbs and vitamins and go back to sleep. It worked.


tejanarusa | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:24 pm 17

I’ve got a bunch of driving to do tomorrow, and some stuff to read and try to digest before bed, so I’d better sign off.

Saw the title of this post, though, and couldn’t resist seeing what it was about.
Lisa, that’s a heck of a clever use of words. Congrats.

Sleep well, everyone.


Dearie | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:24 pm 18
In response to tejanarusa @ 13

That makes me smile! I liked the candles and incense and pagentry of the Catholic church when I was young….. it took me out of the dreary dad-to-day, but it didn’t take me too long to figure out that it was all a ruse. And when we got to transubstantiation, well…. that was enough of the tooth-fairy for me!

Amazing that the populace keeps falling for such scams…. to their detriment. What’s The Matter With Kansas And The World, really.


Margaret | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:25 pm 19
In response to tejanarusa @ 17

Oya! Be safe tomorrow as it’s gonna be rainy.


Margaret | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:27 pm 20
In response to Dearie @ 18

My realization that it was all bullshit came shortly after my 13th birthday. I strongly suspected it before then though.


Dearie | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:29 pm 21
In response to Margaret @ 20

I think most American Catholics just ignore the stuff they know is utter nonsense and just go for the…….what? I just never could figure out what was the ‘magic’ that kept them coming back. The Catholic church is such a scam….. what power is it that they have over otherwise rational people. I’ll never get it, I guess.


Margaret | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:36 pm 22
In response to Dearie @ 21

God is a scam in my opinion. Some religions are worse about it than others but I just can’t buy into the very concept. There is either no god or something fundamentally flawed about the way every Abrahamic religion and denomination describes god. Occam’s razor suggests it’s the former. That doesn’t mean I gratuitously knock people who are spiritual or religious though. Only those who use it as a weapon against me merit that kind of disrespect. I just don’t see any evidence whatsoever that god exists and that’s a pretty extraordinary claim to have to rely entirely on anecdotal support.


Lisa Derrick | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:39 pm 23

From the same article as the “wimmin are good for pouring oil and washing feet”::

A Jesuit in Wisconsin has had his priestly faculties suspended after he celebrated a liturgy with a woman purporting to be a Catholic priest, and the Redemptorist order has confirmed that one of its members is under Vatican investigation for alleged ambiguities “regarding fundamental areas of Catholic doctrine,” apparently including the question of women’s ordination.


ChristineEdmonson | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:42 pm 24
In response to Dearie @ 1

Oh please, come sit by me!


Larue-Clique Member Since LibbyGate | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:43 pm 25

Noses to vaginas . . . I dunna.

Mz. Derrick seems to have her, erm, libido up n runnin?

Great read and toon tho!

*G*


Larue-Clique Member Since LibbyGate | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:45 pm 26

God? There is no God, only the theocrats of all means of worships who would separate us from our labor to support their means.

“God is a constant, by which we measure, our pain.” -Lennon, Not Lenin


Lisa Derrick | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:46 pm 27

Lol, it just worked out that way, she says, fluttering her fan slightly.


Larue-Clique Member Since LibbyGate | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:47 pm 28
In response to Dearie @ 1

Yes, and may I say, it’s YOUR right to do and be so!

*G*


Dearie | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:48 pm 29
In response to Margaret @ 22

I, too, have no problem with a sense of the spiritual. It seems to give comfort to folks. I just think organized religion is, for the most part, a racket. And I remain surprised that so many people fall for it and can’t seem to give it up. I do, though, like the Lutherans! And the Unitarians. And the Quakers, for their principals. (Except for Nixon, of course.)


Larue-Clique Member Since LibbyGate | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:48 pm 30
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 27

Uh HUH, yep, sure, you betcha . . . . flutter that fan faster gal, this was PURE erotica. ;-)


ChristineEdmonson | Tuesday February 5, 2013 08:49 pm 31
In response to Dearie @ 29

Wow, I so agree with everything you said. And I love the Quakers.


Larue-Clique Member Since LibbyGate | Tuesday February 5, 2013 09:02 pm 32
In response to Dearie @ 21

I was tossed out of kindergarten by the nuns in Saigon, for running out to the gates to see what the fire engine sirens were all about. They put me in a closet, and wailed and riled, had to call my parents.

Parents were summarily informed, I was personna non gratis.

L’Ecole Les Oiseau’s. Around the corner from our rented house. 1959 or so. Hate them damn nuns and the whole religious thang ever since. ;-)


Larue-Clique Member Since LibbyGate | Tuesday February 5, 2013 09:04 pm 33
In response to Margaret @ 22

SCIENCE!

I fully concur with you on this. If you were ill, I wish you weller, me and mine been mired in 3 weeks of moving phleghm from sinus, to throat, to chest, and back and forth.

She’s better, much.

I’m still not. 19 daze. I hate this shit.

But this whine is not about me, I apologize. May we all heal up soon, so we can be who we iz.


Dearie | Tuesday February 5, 2013 09:05 pm 34

Oh, buddy, you got the nun run! I sat through Catechism classes as a kid and got knuckle-rapped when I couldn’t memorize some dogma or got candy when I could. Even as a kid that struck me as enormously stupid. But, hey, whatever….. “:)


Dearie | Tuesday February 5, 2013 09:06 pm 35

Maybe if you prayed harder…… “:)~


bluewombat | Tuesday February 5, 2013 09:38 pm 36

Women have a special access to the heart of Jesus in a very vivid way of approaching him, of touching him, of praying with him, of pouring ointment on his head, of kissing his feet.

I’ve always tried to get my girlfriends to kiss my feet, citing this example. Do you think that’s why I’m still single?


Dearie | Tuesday February 5, 2013 09:45 pm 37
In response to bluewombat @ 36

Have you prayed about it?

I wonder if any of the SuperBowl contestants are either thanking their god or wondering why their prayers were not answered.

It’s a wonderful world, but it would be ever so much more rational if everyone gave up the magic. IMHO.


Lisa Derrick | Tuesday February 5, 2013 10:17 pm 38
In response to Dearie @ 37

Magic works, but only Ye Olde Magick! Do what thou wilt!


gannonguckert | Tuesday February 5, 2013 10:55 pm 39

News of a man getting a second, functional nose on his arm gives me great hope.

I have long thought that if only I could have a second dick, preferably just above either knee, I could properly screw two women at a time, such that if I did everything right, I would have two simultaneous orgasms, which even monumental amounts of LSD could not surpass in any fantasy.


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