“Julian Assange, Superstar” aka “WikiLeaks, The Musical”

If Hollywood has its way and the check clears, Julian Assange, the international man of mystery currently enjoying Ecuadorian hospitality whilst planning his birthday party inside that country’s embassy, will be the subject of a biopic fraught with cyber espionage and condomless sex. According to the Wall Street Journal, HBO Films, DreamWorks Studios, Universal Pictures and Annapurna Pictures are all frothing and panting to bring Assange’s story to a megaplex or cable box near you.

There are a lot of loose ends though–not the least of which being who would play the pale and lanky leader of WikiLeaks; Tim Robbins, even though he’s a bit older than Assange, possesses plenty of boyish charm and height–dangling plots points like Bradley Manning who is in prison and on trial; what happens with the Syrians cables; Assange’s potential extradition to Sweden…

Here’s a solution: A musical! As Spiderman Turn Off the Dark proves, stage plays are constantly evolving. As the Assange/WikiLeaks story unfolds, the libretto could be adjusted; and it’s a sure Tony Award winner, and once things are resolved in real life, the film would be ready to go. Along with Assange’s all singing, all dancing¬† grandstanding and honeypot sampling, Bradley Manning’s character would be onstage throughout as the tragic counterpoint and moral compass, first at a computer screen, then behind bars, always present, a contrast to Assange’s hubris.

Plus there would have to be a Greek chorus of Anonymous in EFG masks performing catchy numbers like “Low Orbit Ion Cannon,”¬† and “DDoS Us All” while Loooong Cat and Nyan Cat dance. It’s all a hummable, teachable-moment multi-media extravaganza! And Neil Patrick Harris would be SUPER in the starring role! Or maybe Zac Efron. Think Clay Aiken for the touring company.

If any Broadway producers are interested, you know where to find me…

The EFG Greek/geek chorus can get serious at times, while Manning’s character is the musical’s moral compass.

6 Responses to "“Julian Assange, Superstar” aka “WikiLeaks, The Musical”"
Lisa Derrick | Sunday July 8, 2012 09:49 pm 1

Someone just suggested Tilda Swinton as Assange.

joyceleewalther | Monday July 9, 2012 12:14 am 2

seriously, how much of that will go to julian?

Phoenix Woman | Monday July 9, 2012 05:42 am 3
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 1

Tilda Swinton? That would work rather well, actually.

Get Grayson Perry to play one of the honeypots.

Phoenix Woman | Monday July 9, 2012 05:57 am 4

>> It’s my party… <<
…and I'll hide if I want to

TV networks from around the world have
been bidding for an exclusive interview
with Julian Assange, at home in the
Ecuadorian embassy. This was supposed
to have been finalised early this week.

When one of the bidders called to find
out what had happened, they were told
by an embassy worker that they'd not
been forgotten but everything had been
put on hold so staff could sort out
another urgent priority instead.
Organising Assange's birthday party.

Considering that the left-of-center Ecuadoreans know what it’s like to be shat on by the neoliberal/neoconservative-favoring establishment media, color me not surprised, much less shocked, even far much less appalled.

Lisa Derrick | Monday July 9, 2012 08:00 am 5

As Assange is a public figure, there’s no need to have him involved, or for him to profit, from his life story.

Lisa Derrick | Monday July 9, 2012 04:23 pm 6

Last year, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie declined Assangel’s invite to his 40th. I think this year it might be JA on Skype with a party hat.

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