Mormon’s Secret: Get Into Mitt’s Pants!

Mitt Romney’s secretive attitude towards the press and public is no secret, and nor is his special underwear. And while reporters may not get to ride on Mitt’s magic bus, now thanks to the folks at Mormon’s Secret,  even we gentiles can experience a briefing à la Mitt:

Want authentic Magical Mormon Underwear made from a futuristic lightweight nylon that feels magical and looks otherworldly? We’ve got you covered. The top parts of Magical Mormon Underwear have masonic symbols hand-stitched into the fabric, and are superlatively comfortable.

Yes, these are authentic Magical Mormon Underwear, made the old fashioned way with modern fabrics:

The ancestors of Team Mahonri Moriancumer designed and fabricated the very first Mormon temple garments in 1842. Each of us are related to one or more of the original members of the Quorum of the Twelve Seamsters, a secretive but important group in early Mormon history. Our genealogy clearly shows that by May of 2012, our families will have been directing the creation and production of magical Mormon underwear for 170 years. You could say this particular Mormon secret is a family secret.

Since we’ve been at this for a long time, we know a thing or two about these special undies. From the hand stitched masonic symbols, to the careful inspection of each garment, we care about the craftsmanship of this magical product. As a bonus, we’re including special ceremonial instructions on wearing them “correctly,” to ensure the most magical experience possible. These are the same ceremonial instructions given to Mormons putting them on for the first time during a masonic ritual in Mormon temples. Along with these instructions, we have included information about their maintenance, to ensure they retain their magical properties.

And even better?! What’s your favorite four-letter word? Yes, that’s right: Mormon’s Secret is having a sale!

63 Responses to "Mormon’s Secret: Get Into Mitt’s Pants!"
Lisa Derrick | Tuesday June 12, 2012 07:25 am 1

I just ordered something! And while the ladies’ magical Mormon underwear come only in nylon, the guy’s have cotton gear. I don;t do synthetics next to my skin, so I’ll be modeling my men’s all cotton magical Mormon tee shirt soon!

marymccurnin | Tuesday June 12, 2012 08:19 am 2

eeewww. I want the picture of Mitt in his extra, double, secret, special underwear out of my head. What is so special about it anyway. looks uncomfortable. It is there to remind the person that God has dominion over their bits and bobs?

Teddy Partridge | Tuesday June 12, 2012 11:13 am 3

If these models are Mormons — um, where do I sign up?

Lisa Derrick | Tuesday June 12, 2012 01:44 pm 4

There are a LOT of hot ex-Mormons, like trainer-to-the-stars Sam Page. Whoot!

wert | Tuesday June 12, 2012 10:53 pm 5

Wouldn’t life be a little more meaningful without dealing in stolen property? That’s right. Anyone who orders these items should know they have been obtained by fraudulent means-in other words “stolen”.

trm | Tuesday June 12, 2012 11:02 pm 6

This is really offensive. It’s perfectly possible to state your political beliefs without mocking beliefs that are sacred to millions of people.

crunchem | Tuesday June 12, 2012 11:45 pm 7

So is there a market for my used garments?

Smott | Tuesday June 12, 2012 11:56 pm 8

I’m sorry to see such revelry over something that many fellow human beings find sacred and significant to their worship. I know that all of us will be happier the day we decide to be kind toward others despite perceived differences. I realize that my preferences for how I like to treat people may vary from yours, but let’s all try a little harder to have more love in this world and less of this.

DrLikes | Wednesday June 13, 2012 12:07 am 9

What the stupid. This is really the most ridiculous thing I have seen in a while. So, ya garments aren’t that strange and weird. They have been a staple for multiple well known religions for thousands of years. No biggie, and ya they are really comfy too. Also, ya Mormons all look like that, it’s that whole “word of wisdom” thing. I guess God really did know what he was talking About. Imagine that.

commonman1776 | Wednesday June 13, 2012 12:40 am 10

I am thankful that I had wonderful parents who taught me to respect the beliefs of others and not to mock what they hold sacred. I am thankful that I was not raised to act like those who posted this extremely offensive offer. I am also thankful that I will not have to stand before God and explain why I mocked other’s religious beliefs. I hope that they have time to ask his forgiveness. Aside from the foolish notion that somehow wearing a religious item that was acquired in a dishonest manner, will be stylish, laudable or morally acceptable, there is the question of having permission or authority to wear something that represents sacred covenants, sincerely made between the wearer and God. I learned to forgive those who trespass against me, so I forgive those who posted this tawdry message. I hope they will ask God’s forgiveness as well.

MormonsAreChristian | Wednesday June 13, 2012 02:40 am 11

Early Christians were persecuted for keeping their esoteric practices sacred and prohibiting non-Christians from witnessing them. Have you joined the ranks of those mocking Jesus Christ’s sacred practices?

Hippolytus (ca. A.D. 200) made a statement “But if there is any other matter which ought to be told, let the bishop impart it secretly to those who are communicated. He shall not tell this to any but the faithful and only after they have first been communicated. This is the white stone of which John said that there is a new name written upon it which no man knows except him who receives. ”

Clement of Alexandria claimed to possess a secret tradition of knowledge (Greek gnosis) handed down from the Savior to the Apostles and on to Clement himself by way of certain of his teachers. “Clement represents this secret discipline to which he gives the title of gnosis, or gift of knowledge, as having been conferred by our Lord, after his resurrection, on James the Just, John, and Peter, by whom it was communicated to the other Apostles; and that by these the treasure was committed to the seventy disciples, of whom Barnabas was one. . . the secret discipline thus instituted by Christ was familiar to those who had been his masters and preceptors,”

“The multitude professing Christianity were therefore divided by them into the “profane,” or those who were not yet admitted to the mysteries, and the “initiated,” or faithful and perfect. . . and as none were permitted to be present at these “mysteries,” as they were termed, save those whose admission into the fellowship of the church was perfect and complete, so likewise was it expected that, as a matter of duty, the most sacred silence should be observed in regard to everything connected with the celebration of them, and nothing whatever relating thereto to be committed to the ears of the profane.

Please don’t demonstrate to Jesus Christ that you are part of the “profane”.

KTC John | Wednesday June 13, 2012 06:02 am 12

This is what the swine do with pearls.

Dr. Enigma | Wednesday June 13, 2012 07:34 am 13

What would we think of selling fake yarmulkes or bogus priestly collars? It’s OK to disagree. But ridicule serves no human purpose.

dakine01 | Wednesday June 13, 2012 07:39 am 14
In response to Dr. Enigma @ 13

I dunno. Since the items that you mention are visible manifestations of people’s faith whereas the items in question here are your basic underwear, sure seems to be a bit of a difference.

TElden | Wednesday June 13, 2012 07:45 am 15

Are you going to follow this up with articles on the “secret” undergarments of Orthodox Jews, Muslims, and the Sikhs? How about all the outer ceremonial religous garments of the Catholics, Eastern Orthodox, and Anglicans?

Harmonic_Resident | Wednesday June 13, 2012 07:45 am 16

It’s sad to see how many people there are in this world are who find entertainment in mocking the beliefs of others.

The LDS temple garment serves as a reminder of covenants that LDS have made with Heavenly Father. Having them with us helps us become better followers of Jesus Christ.

I wonder if publishing a similar mockery of Muslim or Jewish sacred clothing would be dared by the editorial board of this publication?

Ralph | Wednesday June 13, 2012 07:53 am 17

Why so much attention on Mormon garments? Because we’re a nosy society. Just look at how much attention is paid to the private lives of celebrities in the rag mags. The author of this article clearly has no regard for things held sacred by others. Temple garments are nothing more than symbols of promises made, just as the wearing of a cross around one’s neck. Sacred clothes have been a part of religious life for centuries. I don’t see the big deal here, except that the author has trashed something held dear by millions around the world, a number that increases annually by over 200,000.

Jonesy243 | Wednesday June 13, 2012 08:07 am 18

The different types of underwear worn by anyone in any culture can be ridiculed. But the only reason to ridicule the underwear of a religious society is because of religious persecution. That is despicable and repugnant to any human being with any sense of decency.

jaeUSA | Wednesday June 13, 2012 08:34 am 19

Really? People get a life! It never ceases to amaze me the length some go to in an attempt to ridicule difference. And yet, out of the other side of their mouth speak in defense of their differences. What gain is there in this attempt to sell or even to plaster images of LDS temple garments over the Internet? Does belittling millions of people prove your wisdom? Millions of faithful LDS members around the world teach love and kindness as exemplified by the Savior himself. There has never been an attack by these people, yet time after time they are ridiculed and persecuted. Interesting, if all they stand for is nonsense anyway, why the rush to prove them wrong? What will you gain? Seriously, all of this will prove nothing. The church is too strong for you to fight against. Your energy will be better served in a more productive cause — say starving children in America! And when you go away and engage in a more noble cause — we won’t turn and retaliate. That’s the nature of peaceable people. You ought to try it some time!

marymccurnin | Wednesday June 13, 2012 08:58 am 20
In response to jaeUSA @ 19

Really? The Mormon religion is anti-woman. Women don’t have the same rights as men. And the husband gets to decide who goes to heaven. There is no sweetness and light in a belief system such as this. It is all about control and more control. And don’t get me started on the way Mormons treat gays. Jesus would be horrified.

Phillip C. Smith, Ph.D. | Wednesday June 13, 2012 09:38 am 21

There is a difference between “secret” and “sacred”. Temple garments are a sacred symbol to faithful Mormons of covenants made with God. We are sorry when others make light of these. We would hope never to ridicule others for what they believe or do. We are all, Mormon or non-Mormon, children of God. We should always try to act as if we are.

The Church is not anti-women. Women have the greatest opportunity in mortality, that of giving birth to children. Nothing exceeds this in importance. No good Mormon husband mistreats women, but we love and honor them.

Those with homoerotic feelings are also children of God and should be treated as such. No good Mormon should mistreat homosexuals. What, though, of chastity and of God’s instituting marriage as a union between a man and woman?

Funnydiva2002 | Wednesday June 13, 2012 10:26 am 22

Hey, Lisa

Awesome snark. Love the side of beefcake, too.

And clearly had the opposite reaction, since they’ve targeted this post and one at Daily Mail in a recent blast-email.

Just in case you were wondering about the recent influx of Mormon apologists.


jaeUSA | Wednesday June 13, 2012 10:26 am 23

Marymc — each of the points you commented on are typical of the over-used topics folks like you use in attempt to make your point. Each one hold their own level of fallacy and ignorance. I would suggest a more thorough research from primary sources. Aftempting to find fact from those who are not of the faith or have left it for various reason would be the very source all your error stems from. If there was any truth to your remarks you, and those like you would. Of have to put some much energy trying to prove it.

James Garrett | Wednesday June 13, 2012 10:52 am 24

Apparently the mormons are unhappy with the showing of their garments. They are trying to get faithful members to post comments on this board to outweigh the negative comments and hijack freedom of speech. The email below is being distributed among a group of mormons:


Two recently published articles definitely need comments from faithful church members to set the record straight!

First, the Daily Mail in Britain published an account of an LDS couple who left the church. The article includes a photo of temple garments, and the comments are very mocking and uncomplimentary toward garments and LDS beliefs in general. The article is here:

Second, an American political blog is touting a website that purports to sell temple garments as a means of mocking LDS beliefs. The blog contains no sensitivity toward our actual beliefs, and some well-informed, polite comments could make a big difference to some readers. The article is here:

Please leave a comment on each article, and as always, be kind and Christlike in your tone and topic. Avoid debates and political stances. If you need any additional information or perspective on the issues raised in the articles, please email us at, or visit

Thank you for your help! Please recruit your friends, family and ward members to join MormonVoices!

jamiegriggs | Wednesday June 13, 2012 12:06 pm 25


These are some of the more current Mormon temple ordinances, I wish this was a joke, but this post is not a conspiracy theory. The Mormon church thinks it revived the religion of Ancient Egypt and they think the Freemasons preserved the original “sacred mysteries” of the Gods that the Egyptians supposedly received from Elohim. They really do think they are the chosen ones. I should know, I am a Mormon, and I will remain a Mormon only because I am going to do everything I can to undermine the church. There is a large group of us on the inside the the Mormon church, but we can’t do this alone, so I am trying to get this information out to everyone so that you can at least spread the word about the Mormon cult.

Satanism – “Sign of the Elder”; Token given with the thumb on top of the first knuckle of each person.

Freemasonry – “Fellow Craft”; “Token given with the thumb between the first and second knuckle of each person. Called the “Pass Grip””

Mormonism – “Second token of the Aaronic Priesthood”; Token given with the thumb between the first and second knuckle of each person
Satanism – “Sign of the Nail”; The hand vertical, the fingers close together and the thumb extended, and the person giving the token placing the tip of the forefinger of his right hand in the center of the palm and the thumb opposite on the back of the hand of the one receiving it; The “Nail” means “Satan”

Freemasonry – N/A

Mormonism – “First token of the Melchizedek Priesthood, or the Sign of the Nail”; (3, 4) “This token is received by bringing the right hand into this position: the hand vertical, the fingers close together and the thumb extended, and the person giving the token placing the tip of the forefinger of his right hand in the center of the palm, and the thumb opposite on the back of the hand of the one receiving it…” The name of this token is “The Son,” meaning the Son of God
Satanism – The Five Points of Fellowship are given at the end of the black (Satanic) mass as a benediction. During the giving of the Five Points of Fellowship, the candidate receives the whispered secret name of the god and goddess: “May you have health in the navel, marrow in the bones, strength n the penis and in the sinews; and power in the priesthood be upon you and your posterity through all generations of time and throughout all eternity.”

Freemasonry – Uses three knocks; “In this position alone are you permitted to give the word, Mahhah-bone…”

Mormonism – Uses three knocks at the Veil; “This is the name of the token: Health in the navel, marrow in the bones, strength in the loins and in the sinews, power in the Priesthood be upon me and my posterity through all generations of time and throughout all eternity”
Satanism – “Five Points of Fellowship: as follows: foot to foot, knee to knee, arm to back, breast to breast, mouth to ear”

Freemasonry – “Five Points of Fellowship: as follows: 1st – foot to foot, 2nd – knee to knee, 3rd – breast to breast, 4th – hand to back, 5th – cheek to cheek or mouth to ear”

Mormonism (phased out) – “Five Points of Fellowship: as follows: inside of right foot by side of right foot, knee to knee, breast to breast, hand to back, and mouth to ear”

Satanism – “Fifth Degree Token”; “Sign of the Lion of the Tribe of Judah”; This token is given by clasping the right hands, interlocking the little fingers, and placing the tip of the forefinger on the center of the wrist of each person.

Freemasonry – “Real Grip”; “Master Mason”; “The strong Grip of the Lion”; This token is given by clasping the right hands, with first and second fingers on the top of the wrist, third an fourth fingers on bottom of the wrist. The Strong Grip of the Lions Paw of the Tribe of Judah

Mormonism – “Second token of the Melchizedek Priesthood, the Patriarchal Grip or sure Sign of the Nail”; This token is given by clasping the right hands, interlocking the little fingers, and placing the tip of the forefinger on the center of the wrist of each person

jamiegriggs | Wednesday June 13, 2012 12:07 pm 26

Luciferianism, Satanism In Freemasonry And Its Connection To Mormonism

The satanic origin of Mormon Temple ceremonies

Book Reference: “Luciferianism or Satanism in English Freemasonry: An Essay” by L. Fouquet, O.M.I. Part 1, Publisher: Cadieux and Derome,1603 Rue Norte Dame, Montreal Canada, year 1898, it states the

British Freemasonry rituals and oaths in the 1800s (excerpts from the book referenced above):

“The British, Red-Covered rituals, manuals, monitors, hand-books, have in the oath tendered to the apprentices the following passage, of the like of it:–To these several points I solemnly swear to observe, without evasion, equivocation or mental reservation of any kind, under no less a penalty than to have MY THROAT CUT ACROSS, MY TONGUE TORN OUT BY THE ROOT, AND MY BODY BURIED IN THE SAND OF THE SEA AT LOW WATER MARK, OR A CABLE’s LENGTH FROM THE SHORE WHERE THE TIDE REGULARLY EBBS AND FLOWS TWICE IN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS, or the more efficient punishment of being branded as willful perjured individual void of moral worth, and unfit to be received in this lodge … there are professional secrets which the laws of the realms of the law of God authorize, for the general welfare of society; but this in the contrary subversive of public society; the professions with their secrets are public, which that of Freemasons is occult; the public does not know who are Master Masons; moreover the professional secret follows from the very nature of the profession, which the secrets of Masonry are arbitrary, and worse than useless for the public welfare and especially for the administration of justice; they are instituted by private authority….”

To hide their satanic oaths, the Freemasons would do the following:

“The principles of our order are based on pure morality, its ethics are the ethics of Christianity; its doctrine the doctrine of patriotism; its sentiments of exalted benevolence … Indeed the same exalted benevolence, which in this case as many others, such as in that of the SECRET MONITORS, creates abominable privileges for its members, sacrificing their own country’s dearest interest.”

You can download a copy of this book through this link:

Mormon Temple rituals, ceremonies, covenants, and tokens (the following links will allow you to compare British Freemasonry rituals to Mormon Temple rituals, the similarities should be obvious, and will most likely be very startling to the religiously minded):

Summary of Mormon Temple worship rituals:

Actual Mormon Temple rituals with connecting links to Freemasonry blood oaths:

jamiegriggs | Wednesday June 13, 2012 12:09 pm 27

AMERICAN EXCEPTIONALISM: Quotes from great Mormon leaders about the future takeover of America by Mormons:

“U.S. President Zachary Taylor is dead, and in hell. And I am glad of it.”

-Prophet Brigham Young, quoted in Perry Brocchus,“Utah Officials’ Report to President Fillmore,” Congressional Globe, new series, v. 25, p. 87; cited in B.H. Roberts, Comprehensive History of the Church, 1930, v. 3, p. 520, footnote 3
“Mormon leaders consistently expressed their feelings that the war had been brought on by the wickedness of the United States, which had rejected Mormonism and permitted the death of the prophet of God and his servants…. Although the waste of lives was lamentable, a war between states would avenge the death of Joseph Smith. The Saints seemed especially gratified that Jackson County was a war zone and that Missouri would suffer the penalty of its cruelties to the Mormons. Besides avenging the blood of the innocent, the Lord would also prepare the way before his coming, which Mormons believed would occur in Jackson County, Missouri…. William Clayton wrote that such a spirit seemed to operate on Brigham Young’s mind:‘All Latter-day Saints will not stay here [in Utah] forever. He [Young] talks much and frequently about Jackson County, Missouri.”

- Eugene E. Campbell, Establishing Zion: The Mormon Church in the American West, 1847-1869, 1988, p. 235

“So as to make you realize the enormity of Mormonism suffice it that I found them a community of traitors, murderers, fanatics, and wh**r*es. The people publicly rejoice at the reverse to our arms and thank God that the American government is gone as they term it, while their prophet and bishops preach treason from the pulpit. Federal officers are entirely powerless and talk in whispers for fear of being overheard by Brigham’s spies. Brigham Young rules with despotic sway and death by assassination is the penalty of disobedience to his command.”

- Colonel Patrick E. Conner, Union Army officer, letter dated September 14, 1862; see Abanes, One Nation Under Gods, p. 274

“These people [the Mormons] repudiate the authority of the United States in this country, and are in open rebellion against the general government…. So strong have been my apprehensions of danger to the surveyors that I scarcely deemed it prudent to send any out…. We are by no means sure that we will be permitted to leave, for it is boldly asserted we would not get away alive.”

- David H. Burr, Surveyor-General for Utah, August 30, 1856, letter to Thomas A. Hendricks, General Land Office, March 28, 1857; see Abanes, One Nation Under Gods, p. 229

jamiegriggs | Wednesday June 13, 2012 12:09 pm 28

Mormon Genocide Doctrine about the Chinese

“Let us consider the great mercy of God for a moment. A Chinese, born in China with a dark skin, and with all the handicaps of that race seems to have little opportunity. But think of the mercy of God to Chinese people who are willing to accept the gospel. In spite of whatever they might have done in the pre-existence to justify being born over there as Chinamen, if they now, in this life, accept the gospel and live it the rest of their lives they can have the Priesthood, go to the temple and receive endowments and sealings, and that means they can have exaltation. Isn’t the mercy of God marvelous?”

(Race Problems as They Affect the Church, an address by Apostle Mark E. Petersen, delivered at the Convention of Teachers of Religion on the College Level, Brigham Young University, August 27,1954)

jamiegriggs | Wednesday June 13, 2012 12:10 pm 29

“I have a hard time with historians … because they idolize the truth. The truth is not uplifting; it destroys. Historians should tell only that part of the truth that is inspiring an uplifting.”

-Apostle Boyd K. Packer as related by D. Michael Quin, “Pillars of My Faith,” Talk Delivered at Sunstone Symposium, Salt Lake City, August 19. 1994

God bless the Mormon church, they truly are a gem of wisdom

The quote above has been rendered in an artistic form at the following link:

jamiegriggs | Wednesday June 13, 2012 12:12 pm 30

Mormon Genocide Doctrine, Mormon opinions of Native Americans:

“I saw a striking contrast in the progress of the Indian people today…. The day of the Lamanites is nigh. For years they have been growing delightsome, and they are now becoming white and delightsome, as they were promised. In this picture of the twenty Lamanite missionaries, fifteen of the twenty were as light as Anglos, five were darker but equally delightsome The children in the home placement program in Utah are often lighter than their brothers and sisters in the hogans on the reservation.

At one meeting a father and mother and their sixteen-year-old daughter were present, the little member girl – sixteen– sitting between the dark father and mother, and it was evident she was several shades lighter than her parents – on the same reservation, in the same hogan, subject to the same sun and wind and weather….These young members of the Church are changing to whiteness and to delightsomeness. One white elder jokingly said that he and his companion
were donating blood regularly to the hospital in the hope that the process might be accelerated.”(General Conference Report, October, 1960;Improvement Era, December 1960, pp. 922-923)[Appendix p. A-15].

jamiegriggs | Wednesday June 13, 2012 12:12 pm 31

Mormon hatred toward Catholics:

“Both Catholics and Protestants are nothing less than the “wh*r*e of Babylon” whom the Lord denounces… as having corrupted all the earth by their fornications and wickedness. And any person who shall be so wicked as to receive a holy ordinance of the gospel from the ministers of any of these apostate churches will be sent down to h3ll with them, unless they repent of the unholy and impious act. If any penitent believer desires to obtain forgiveness of sins through baptism, let him beware of having any thing to do with the churches of apostate Christendom, lest he perish in the awful plagues and judgments, denounced against them. The only persons among all nations, kindreds, tongues, and people who have authority from JesusChrist to administer any gospel ordinance are those called and authorized among the Latter-day Saints. Before the restoration of the church of Christ to the earth in the year 1830, there have been no people on the earth for many generations possessing authority from God to minister gospel ordinances. We again repeat. Beware of the hypocritical false teachers and imposters of Babylon!”

- Apostle Orson Pratt The Seer, Vol.2, No.4, p.255

jamiegriggs | Wednesday June 13, 2012 12:12 pm 32

Mormon Missionaries’ Positive Views of Hitler:

Quotes from Missionaries serving in Germany 1930s – 1940s:

“He recalled: ‘When we came home [from our missions], we loved the German people. We didn’t see anything wrong with what they were doing. We liked Hitler. We would just eat up articles where some of his news people were showing how the pioneers were organized into groups. They were tying our LDS history into kicking the Germans out of their colonies in Africa. We used it for material to disseminate the gospel.’ . . .

“Other LDS Americans were impressed by Hitler and his ability to speak and motivate people. Wendell C. Irvine wrote in an article in the [official Mormon Church magazine] ‘Improvement Era’ that despite all of Hitler’s weaknesses, ‘the greatest thing that could be said of him, however, might well be inscribed on his tombstone, ‘Adolf Hitler Orator.’“[. . .

“Sanford Bingham, a missionary at the same time as my father, felt the same way. After listening to one of Hitler’s speeches after Germany took over Austria, Bingham concluded, ‘I’m afraid if I stayed here a few more years I would become completely Nazified myself.’ . . .

jamiegriggs | Wednesday June 13, 2012 12:18 pm 33

“This is the name of the token: health in the navel, marrow in the bones, strength in the loins and in the sinews, power in the Priesthood be upon me and upon my posterity through all generations of time and throughout all eternity.”

י. לֹא יִמָּצֵא בְךָ מַעֲבִיר בְּנוֹ וּבִתּוֹ בָּאֵשׁ קֹסֵם קְסָמִים מְעוֹנֵן וּמְנַחֵשׁ וּמְכַשֵּׁףיא.

וְחֹבֵר חָבֶר וְשֹׁאֵל אוֹב וְיִדְּעֹנִי וְדֹרֵשׁ אֶלהַמֵּתִיםיב. כִּי תוֹעֲבַת יְ־הֹוָ־ה כָּל עֹשֵׂה

אֵלֶּהוּבִגְלַל הַתּוֹעֵבֹת הָאֵלֶּה יְ־הֹוָ־ה אֱלֹהֶיךָמוֹרִישׁ אוֹתָם מִפָּנֶיךָ

מארת יהוה בבית רשע ונוה צדיקים יברך׃

I have spoken

Gah geh you e, Hoa mitakuye oyasin,

Maggid ben Yoseif

MrCutter | Wednesday June 13, 2012 12:20 pm 34

It’s usually predictable and often boring to mix it up with members of cults. Their responses to criticism generally run the same routines no matter what cult they belong to.

Their arguments run variations on themes of:

1. We are not a cult.
2. You don’t have the true facts.
3. You do not understand the real meaning of our “religion”.
4. We love everyone.
5. Our “leader/leaders”, are directed by “god”.

Most members are also ignorant of the history of their cult and deny any facts that conflict with the present doctrine…and those doctrines can and do change continually.
They also have this in common…
The constant threat of isolation from “the group”.
Some sort of “tithing” either financial or work related.
And in many cases, persecution and violence towards those that want or choose to leave.

All the same from one to another…

jamiegriggs | Wednesday June 13, 2012 12:22 pm 35

During the 70s, the psychology department at Brigham Young University (Mormon religious school in Provo Utah) experimented with electroshock aversion therapy in an attempt to cure homosexuality. Patients who went through BYU’s program were shown erotic pictures of people of the same sex. When the counselors monitoring the patient sensed he or she was getting aroused, an electrical shock would be delivered to the patient. In later sessions, if a patient felt himself or herself being aroused they could press a plunger to stop the shock and an image of a fully clothed member of the opposite sex would appear on the screen.

BYU’s attempts to cure homosexuality using electroshock aversion therapy are better known, but they were not the only method used. Patients undergoing treatment for what the church still calls same-sex attraction could be treated with a drug that would make them nauseous injected into them while looking at the images depicting homosexual activities, and a different drug that would cause euphoria injected into them while viewing images that depicted heterosexual activities. Neither method worked.

more info:

Videos on the Evergreen program at BYU. Gays in the Mormon church abused in the name of their god. An example of Christian Brutality and Nonacceptance. This video was part of a masters thesis project at a University in the Northwest. Short video series:

jamiegriggs | Wednesday June 13, 2012 12:27 pm 36
In response to trm @ 6

You think this article is offensive? Let me help you out:

The Mormon church’s founder, Joseph Smith, claims to have restored an ancient religion from Ancient Egypt. This “restoration” includes what is called the “sacred mysteries” of the Gods. As the ultimate form of worship, a select few will receive these “sacred mysteries”. The horrible thing is that the Mormons sacred mysteries are actually phrases of worship used by Satanists. As an example, this is the following phrase is used by Satanists, and this same phrase is what Mormons call the highest level of “sacred mysteries”:

“This is the name of the token: health in the navel, marrow in the bones, strength in the loins and in the sinews, power in the Priesthood be upon me and upon my posterity through all generations of time and throughout all eternity.”

י. לֹא יִמָּצֵא בְךָ מַעֲבִיר בְּנוֹ וּבִתּוֹ בָּאֵשׁ קֹסֵם קְסָמִים מְעוֹנֵן וּמְנַחֵשׁ וּמְכַשֵּׁףיא.

וְחֹבֵר חָבֶר וְשֹׁאֵל אוֹב וְיִדְּעֹנִי וְדֹרֵשׁ אֶלהַמֵּתִיםיב. כִּי תוֹעֲבַת יְ־הֹוָ־ה כָּל עֹשֵׂה

אֵלֶּהוּבִגְלַל הַתּוֹעֵבֹת הָאֵלֶּה יְ־הֹוָ־ה אֱלֹהֶיךָמוֹרִישׁ אוֹתָם מִפָּנֶיךָ

מארת יהוה בבית רשע ונוה צדיקים יברך׃

I have spoken

Gah geh you e, Hoa mitakuye oyasin,

Maggid ben Yoseif

Lilly | Wednesday June 13, 2012 12:34 pm 37

Wow! As a non Mormon I must say that that is some pretty reprehensible stuff that they teach! How is it they can get on here and object to a humorous and harmless article when they have such vitriol and insanity inside their own ‘church’? Does Mr. Romney really believe this stuff too? Does he support ppl who believe it?
If so, I may need to reevaluate who I plan to vote for this fall.
Mormons should be ashamed of their duplicity!

anothergirl | Wednesday June 13, 2012 12:40 pm 38

As a political attack, this is very weak and literally below the belt. This is extremely offensive and shows severe intolerance for things that people hold sacred.

Funnydiva2002 | Wednesday June 13, 2012 03:30 pm 39
In response to MrCutter @ 34

You forgot:

You infidels are so RUDE and MEAAAAAAAAN!
oh, and You infidels are so INTOLERANT! (see #38!)

Otherwise, yeah, exactly.

Today’s apologists are lucky they haven’t been directed to Pharyngula–FDL’s commenting policy is a lot more tolerant of abject religous dumb-a$$ery.


philbryson | Wednesday June 13, 2012 03:31 pm 40

The individual with the pen name Lisa Derrick has found herself (himself, themselves?) editors of similar penchants. Taking delight in saying things that could get you jail time if addressed to gays, blacks, feminists, etc., appeals to such individuals. To others who stop at this site out of curiosity, please note that you will not find such stuff at any of the sites of faithful Mormons. Some of the comments posted here also represent more than a cynical sense of humor. There are a couple comments here from individuals who really need a little help. Please be aware that as a social institution the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is significant enough to attract attention and opposition. But if you watch Mitt Romney and other responsible Mormons closely, you will see individuals who are far more responsible and mentally balanced than what you read here.

Funnydiva2002 | Wednesday June 13, 2012 03:33 pm 41
In response to Lilly @ 37

Considering that Mr Romney (RMoney) is consecrated and has been some sort of high-up elder in the Mormon Church, I’d say that, yes, he really does believe all this and that he really does support other people who believe all this.

There are plenty of ex-mormons who blog about their outrageous former beliefs, so, in fairness, don’t just take my (or jamiegriggs’) word for it.

Good on you for being willing to reconsider.


Funnydiva2002 | Wednesday June 13, 2012 03:36 pm 42
In response to Lilly @ 37


The Mormon Church was a HUGE funder and promoter of California’s Proposition 8, aka Prop H8.



Believe all the B$ you like, but don’t expect me to NOT call out the BS, and DON’T go legislating it on the rest of us!

Sancho | Wednesday June 13, 2012 03:48 pm 43
In response to Funnydiva2002 @ 42

From an old friend who is still resides just around the corner from you…I love what you’re doing here.

I wish I could join you in more of this fun, but please do keep doing what you do so well.


Lisa Derrick | Wednesday June 13, 2012 04:50 pm 44

Odd that none of the visitors from Mormon Voices have commented about Mitt Romney’s secretive avoidance of the press during his campaign, which was really the point of this article–there’s a link the first sentence I’m sure none of the Upset Congregation bothered to click.

A wise person once said:

Any religion that can’t laugh at itself is still a cult.

And just so the Mormons know: I am a licensed minister who wrote for and edited a national magazine on religious history. I also belong to a religion with esoteric practices and frankly I am secure enough in my faith and belief system that I don’t get all huffy and indignant if people have a little fun over my faith. And often they do.

At least once a year, those who practice in my and associated religions get roundly mocked, lambasted, called names, accused of all sorts of things–though oddly no one has discovered we funnel millions of dollars to defeat equal rights bills; nor do we discriminate against people based on who they love or how they love. Because we don’t.

And with regard to the “this underwear is stolen” comment: No it’s not. It’s brand spanking new. In fact my cotton tee shirt will be arriving in a day a so.

Additionally, I find it reprehensible that people’s salvation was levied in order to fund Prop 8 in California, that more than one person was told their place in Heaven would be lost if they didn’t write a check to prevent people from marrying. If this is what a religion demands, that its members turn against clients, customers and friends, it is certain not the religion of Jesus who said,

Love thy neighbor as thyself

marymccurnin | Wednesday June 13, 2012 04:54 pm 45
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 44

Thank you, Lisa.

genkidesu | Wednesday June 13, 2012 05:19 pm 46

The LDS Church shouldn’t have told people they’d lose their salvation if they didn’t contribute to the Yes on H8 campaign. This tends to piss people off who don’t have weird compunctions about other people’s sex lives. Looks like someone high up in the LDS Church needs to have a “revelation” that maybe they should stop screwing with the rights of others. Sort of like the one that conveniently happened repealing the restriction of Black Mormons from the Priesthood.

Teddy Partridge | Wednesday June 13, 2012 05:21 pm 47

Thank you, Lisa.

And — hey, cultists? Get a grip.

Lisa Derrick | Wednesday June 13, 2012 05:21 pm 48
In response to philbryson @ 40

It’s not a pen name, Phil Bryson. It’s my real name, the one my parents gave me, the one on my driver’s license and my voter registrations card, as well as my US passport.

And while Mormonism comes via a direct religious line from Masonry, “Satanism” is a nonstarter. So-called “satanism” is a misinterpretation of religious texts by those who are opposed to whatever religion they dislike at that moment.

And with regard to the quotes from Hippolytus and Clement, please be aware that the idea of esoteric Christianity has been used to divide Christians, and is at the core of the slaughter of the Cathars and Albigensians, the Catholics, the Protestants, and just about anybody else. Christ said that he is way. To divide Christianity into Those Who Know Better and Those Who Are Ignorant is to defy the force that Christians claim to worship. By direct knowledge of the Divine (gnosis) we are blessed. But at the same time, many people who have committed despicable acts claim it’s because God (as they know God) told them to. Perhaps you should read some Alfred Whitehead and take a look at Process Theology to further study mankind’s relationship with God, and God’s relationship with us.

rabidbadger | Wednesday June 13, 2012 05:43 pm 49
In response to philbryson @ 40

“Taking delight in saying things that could get you jail time if addressed to gays, blacks, feminists, etc.,” She said she bought a t-shirt. In what fantasy world does that get you jail time anywhere?

You seem to be confused between Lisa Derrick (a journalistic writer who reports on real things happening in the real world)), her editors (who publish articles about real things happening in the real world) and the owners of Mormon’s Secret (who manufacture undergarments and sell them retail to non-LDS people.) Ms. Derrick does not operate this company nor does she say anything derogatory about the fit or quality of LDS undergarments. In fact, she said she desired them and ordered some. She is merely reporting that Mormon’s Secret is selling this product. She is reporting on a REAL thing that is REALLY happening.

While I understand that you may prefer that Mormon’s Secret was not producing this merchandise I do not understand the vitriol aimed at Ms. Derrick. Blaming writers who report on actual things that are actually happening which you don’t support won’t make those things somehow unhappen. Would it be reasonable to hold Walter Cronkite responsible for the assassination of JFK because he reported on it? Are writers who report on the Mountain Meadows Massacre personally to blame for the deaths of those innocent women and children? Please stop blaming Ms. Derrick for covering a perfectly valid news story and learn how to act like and adult and appropriately focus your displeasure.

dakine01 | Wednesday June 13, 2012 06:22 pm 50
In response to rabidbadger @ 49

Blaming writers who report on actual things that are actually happening which you don’t support won’t make those things somehow unhappen.

It’s called “shoot the messenger”

Gene | Wednesday June 13, 2012 08:11 pm 51

What is wrong with open-mindedness in letting others worship how they wish without mocking what is sacred to them? It’s a shame that honest, truth seeking people often get their information about this church from the disaffected or their supporters rather than from active members or the church itself. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is magnificent. Its organization, effectiveness, and sheer goodness are respected by all who sincerely seek to understand it.

Kelly Canfield | Wednesday June 13, 2012 09:14 pm 52


MormoSwarm – to be expected, actually. Pull out your prophetic rocks, you know, the Uma and the Thurmins and let us know how the thread ends, ‘mkay?

Jonesy243 | Wednesday June 13, 2012 09:16 pm 53
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 44

That is total nonsense. No Mormon’s paycheck was levied to support Prop 8. Not one dime of church money was used. It was all private donations to the cause, and there are so few Mormons in California in relation to the total voter turnout that they couldn’t possibly sway the election. If not one Mormon had voted, Prop 8 still would have passed.
People, most of these negative sensational comments are absolutely false, or very misleading. You are letting Mormon haters tell you what Mormons supposedly believe, and most of it is a bunch of outright lies. Talk to a Mormon about what they really believe. Don’t believe these lies.

Jonesy243 | Wednesday June 13, 2012 09:20 pm 54

Many of you people are suffering from Mormophobia;
1. A persistent, abnormal, and irrational fear of the Mormon religion that compels one to disparage and attack it, despite the reassurance that Mormons are not dangerous.
2. A strong fear, dislike, or aversion to Mormons or anything remotely related thereto.

Jonesy243 | Wednesday June 13, 2012 09:36 pm 55

In 2004 Ford Motor Company put out an Interfaith Newsletter describing the Mormon church. They accurately presented the facts.

Kelly Canfield | Wednesday June 13, 2012 09:45 pm 56
In response to Jonesy243 @ 54

Many of you people are suffering from Homophobia;
1. A persistent, abnormal, and irrational fear of the LGBT people that compels one to disparage and attack them, despite the fact that LGBT are not dangerous.
2. A strong fear, dislike, or aversion to LGBT or anything remotely related thereto.

That’s the point, right? That it’s crazy when the shoe is on the other foot, right?

marymccurnin | Wednesday June 13, 2012 09:57 pm 57

Californians Against Hate released figures Tuesday showing that $17.67 million was contributed by 59,000 Mormon families since August to groups like Yes on 8. Contributions in support of Prop. 8 total $22.88 million. Additionally, the group reports that Mormons have contributed $6.9 million to pass a a similar law, Proposition 102, in Arizona…

Lisa Derrick | Wednesday June 13, 2012 10:11 pm 58
In response to Jonesy243 @ 53

I never said a paycheck was levied; I said salvation was levied–bishops urging the faithful across the country to donate to fight against Americans who love each other being allowed the same right as other Americans.

I strongly urge all Mormons who doubt this to see the documentary 8: The Mormon Proposition and to look at Fred Karger’s investigation of NOM. Then make up your minds.

Also I refer you to this video in which the Mormon manager of El Coyote in Los Angeles tries to explain to her LGBT customers and their friends why she wrote a check to support Prop 8, despite having so many gay friends,customers and employees.

From Californians Against Hate/Rights Equal Rights:

During the summer of 2008, we discovered the active involvement of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon Church) in Prop 8. The Mormon Church had taken over virtually every aspect of the Yes on 8 campaign.

Mormon families contributed approximately $30 million of the $40 million raised, the Church produced 27 slick commercials, put up an expensive web site, bussed in thousands of volunteers from Utah, had massive phone banks yet only reported a mere $2078 in non-monetary contributions three days before the election. Two weeks later I filed a sworn complaint with the California Fair Political Practices Commission (FPPC) against the Mormon Church for not reporting its vast financial involvement in the campaign.

Teddy Partridge | Thursday June 14, 2012 12:14 am 59

Can’t argue with cultists: they KNOW what’s true. Their leaders told them.

ktenney | Thursday June 14, 2012 09:46 am 60

It is disappointing to see how people choose to make fun something others hold as sacred. Disagree, dislike, even oppose us? Fine. But to attempt this kind of mockery is grade-shcool bullying. Please don’t do things like this.

Lisa Derrick | Thursday June 14, 2012 02:06 pm 61

I wonder if any of the people objecting to this post have contacted Mormon’s Secret directly to express their displeasure.

marymccurnin | Thursday June 14, 2012 02:55 pm 62
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 61

or apologized to the gay community for actively taking away their rights.

lindy | Thursday June 14, 2012 10:33 pm 63

Right before the civil war, the South, when confronted about the evils of slavery, would say “Look at the North! Look how bad they treat the Irish!” HOW does pointing out bad of someone else make your own badness less? It doesn’t.

This article is not about gay rights. This article is not about woman’s lib. This article is about mocking a religion. Mocking people’s religion in NOT okay. I don’t care what religion it is.

Sorry but the comments are closed on this post