Jeff Foxworthy, best known for his

You might be a redneck

schtick and creating the game show “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” is bringing Americans another chance to test their ignorance on television with “The American Bible Challenge” which will pit teams of contestants representing

worthy faith-based organizations

against each other as they try to answers questions

designed to acknowledge and celebrate the Bible’s continuing importance in contemporary life and culture.

This descriptions raises more questions than it answers:

1) Who decides what are worthy faith-based organizations?
2) Will atheists and non-Christians be banned, even though they may have astounding Biblical knowledge?
3) What translation of the Bible will be used as the ultimate authority?
4) Will both Old and New Testament be used?
5) What about the Deuterocanonical texts which are accepted and included in their Bibles by Catholics, both Roman and Orthodox, but not by Protestants?
6) What about the Book of Mormon?
7) Will there be questions about Lot’s daughters, Noah’s sons, David and Bathsheba, how the serpent got around before God declared “upon thy belly shalt thou go” and other conundrums?
8) Did Jesus ride a dinosaur?
9) Who wrote the Bible?
10) And most importantly, will those who miss an answer be tossed into the fiery pit?

Considering that in the five years Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader has been on the air, only two people, Georgia Superintendent of Schools Kathy Cox and Nobel Prize in Physics laureate George Smoot, have answered the final question correctly, “The American Bible Challenge” has the potential to embarrass and humiliate so many self-righteous people.

As of late, Foxworthy has been palling around with Mitten$ Rmoney, joining him to campaign in Alabama and endorsing him on Twitter thusly:

Time for Republicans to unite behind Governor Romney, a great leader who can win the White House and rebuild our economy for all Americans.

Among the consulting producers on “The American Bible Challenge” is the non-profit Odyssey Networks which has a video exploring the theological divide between Mormons and Evangelicals, and raises a question that Foxworthy seems to be answering in the affirmative for his fans:

Is America ready for a Mormon President?

[HT: Washington Post]

In light of 17-year old Trayvon Martin’s shooting death at the hands of gun-toting Neighbor Watch captain and cop-wannabe George Zimmerman, Ben Stiller’s latest movie, Neighborhood Watch, which co-stars Vince Vaughn and Jonah Hill as suburban dads who

form a neighborhood watch group to get time away from their families, only to discover a plot to destroy Earth

might not be be most tasteful trailer to be running in theaters right now. The film, written by Seth Rogan and Evan Goldberg from a story by Jared Stern and Shawn Levy, is due out July 27 from Twentieth Century Fox. Bad timing.

It was announced Monday that the FBI, the Justice Department’s Civil Rights Division, and the U.S. Attorney’s Office for the Middle District of Florida will investigate the killing of Trayvon Martin, who was unarmed when gunned down by Zimmerman, as a hate crime. Zimmerman did not follow standard Neighborhood Watch guidelines, and 911 tapes showed Zimmerman ignored a dispatcher’s directive not to pursue Martin. The Sanford FL police department has come under fire for their botched handling of the case, including:

● Withholding a batch of telling 911 calls, including the one revealing Zimmerman’s possible racist remark.

● Sending a narcotics detective to the scene, instead of a homicide detective, as is typical for homicides.

● And failing to administer a drug and alcohol test to Zimmerman that night, which homicide investigator Rod Wheeler called a “fatal flaw in the investigation.”

Additionally the police did not contact Trayvon’s girlfriend who was on the phone with him at the time of his fatal encounter with Zimmerman.

New clever tune from a charming folk duo. The lyrics has words like

anal…jizz

and

Santorum

which may make this not safe for work.

Hot on the heels of their loss in New Hampshire, those dregs of America, the National Organization for Marriage, are steaming like frothy Santorum and calling for a nationwide boycott of Starbucks because:

Starbucks corporation issued a memorandum to all “US Partners” declaring that same-sex marriage “is aligned with Starbucks business practices” and “is core to who we are and what we value as a company.”

In addition to declaring its corporate-wide position in support of gay marriage, Starbucks also used its resources to participate in a legal case seeking to overturn a federal law declaring marriage as the union of one man and one woman….

This is why we must urge all consumers to “dump Starbucks,” as well as Seattle’s Best Coffee and Evolution Fresh juices, which are owned by Starbucks.

Oh gosh, far be it for me to suggest you forgo Hipster’s Porkpie Latte, Tattooed Mustache Mojo, Wallet Chain Wally’s or any other local coffeehouse that supports the artist community for your doppio fair trade, organic soy foamed, Clover brewed kopi luwak bean eye opener when you roll out of  your loft at 2pm–but we need to keep standing up to the narrow-minded, uptight, bigots who seek to control our minds and our bodies by telling us who and how we should love. And that means letting your local Starbucks manager and the corporate leadership know that you appreciate their stance by crossing their corporate threshold, ordering a cuppa and thanking the Starbuck’s baristas for their company’s all-American, open-minded stance. The same goes for any company that speaks up for marriage equality.

In many communities, Starbucks is the go-to coffee spot providing WiFi, snacks, a place to socialize, read and write, and the ever-important caffeine. And seriously, does NOM actually think that its own members will give up skinny frappuccinos or double caramel lattes?  Those NOM moms will be sneaking the Starby’s guiltily, making the mochas even more delicious for their sinfulness.

Make mine a double.

Texas governor Rick Perry’s Facebook page, tragically entitled Give Rick a Chance, is getting menstrual bombed, as dozens of women share their stories and ask his advice about PMS, birth control pills, hormone replacement and reproduction. Meanwhile, some supportive men have gotten in on the discussion.

Here are a few of the gems before his staff scrubs them. Feel free to join in before his staff blocks comments!

Mitten$ Rmoney and Rick “Frothy” Santorum’s Secret Service code names–which the candidates chose themselves–reflect a certain cockiness and focus on their manliness, and in Romney’s case, a slight Oedipal overreach around. Rmoney’s code name “Javelin,” hypothesizes GQ which first reported the top sekrit pseudonyms,

is a reference to the ’60s muscle car made by American Motors Corporation, the company once run by George Romney.

Mitten$’ dad George ran for President in 1968, despite being born on foreign soil. And of course, javelins are long sticks thrown in track competitions, so the phallic symbolism is rather clear.

Rick Santorum chose an even more multi-layered named, “Petrus,” Latin for Peter, and translating to rock. Along from its popular meaning throughout the English speaking world as a slang term for “penis,” “Peter” is, of course, Jesus’ sidekick, his second in command, the “rock” on which Jesus wanted to build his church.

And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

Peter also famously denied Jesus three times, making him kind of a weasel, and proving that Jesus was psychic.

And he said, I tell thee, Peter, the cock shall not crow this day, before that thou shalt thrice deny that thou knowest me.

Choosing this nickname is pretty self-aggrandizing. Like, is Santorum saying he’s gonna be Peter as in Jesus’ best bud; and if elected, God help us all, build (his version) of Jesus’ church in America?

Ah, but there is a third even more secret meaning to Petrus: Château Pétrus is one of the world’s most expensive and lauded wines, hailing from a small estate in the Bordeaux region of France, with an average bottle price of $2,790, though prices for older bottles can easily rise to five figures.

So, elitist vintage? Jesus’ righthand dude deep in denial? Or just a dick?

Meanwhile, in response to “Game On,”–the execrably frothy Santorum singalong from teen sisters Camille and Haley Harris, who go by the name First Love Band — a 12-year old boy wrote this ditty and then directed the video himself:

They just want a little meat without the Bible.

Chk-fil-A: Closed on Sundays and strongly anti-LGBT

Mitten$ Rmoney gets the rap treatment, and rapped on the knuckles, in this clever Fair Use video from Hugh Atkin which asks

Will the real Mitt Romney please stand up

Meanwhile, a Ron Paul supporter wrote this  fanboy rap song featuring highlights from Dr. Grandpa.

Today is the Illinois GOP primary. Don’t forget to vote.

Aren’t Republicans all about the government staying out of our business? Oh wait, unless it’s our lady business, and then they can get all up in it.

In Tennessee, the latest invasion of Mount Venus, HB 3808 erroneously and laughably called the Life Defense Act of 2012, comes courtesy of Republican Rep. Matthew Hill. The bill has two parts:

The first would require doctors to have admitting privileges at a hospital near where they perform abortions, while the second would require the Department of Health to release more information on abortions, including the name of the doctor who performed the procedure and demographics about the women who receive them.

The bill is a waste of government time and newspaper ink, which Hill, the bill’s sponsor, admits:

The Department of Health already collects all of the data, but they don’t publish it. All we’re asking is that the data they already collect be made public.

Along with publishing the names of doctors, including obstetricians who perform abortion procedures during emergencies or miscarriages, the bill would also require the publication of data — including the age, race, education and number of children — of women who receive abortions, as well as their county of residence. Along with putting doctors at risk from radical “pro-life” activists, the information could be used, claim the bill’s opponents, to reveal

the identities of some women who receive abortions, particularly in small, rural communities.

The bill is clearly designed to intimidate doctors and patients. And hopefully, if Tennessee legislators have a lick of sense, they will veto it. And come next election cycle, Tennessee voters just might tell Rep Hill to head for the hills.

[HT: Jezebel]

The earliest vernal equinox in over a century arrives March 20th at 05:14 Universal Time, which means for those of us in Los Angeles, spring is sprung tonight at 10:14 thanks to the miracle of Daylight Savings Time.

And what better to add to your equinox celebration than by giving a rousing toast to British mystic, magician, mountaineer, sexual rebel and poet Aleister Crowley who is being presented as posthumous write-in for president of the United States? While incarnate, Crowley wrote:

“The absolute rule of the state shall be a function of the absolute liberty of each individual will”

which is a pretty right on statement, and the website AC2012 explains the campaign:

We realize that Aleister Crowley is dead. And British. And, moreover, not running for office. Nevertheless, we believe that the most effective vote you can cast in 2012 is one for Aleister Crowley. Considering staying home and not voting? You’ll be in the vast, silent, ignored majority. Until now, the only other way for voters to express their dissatisfaction was to vote for Mickey Mouse or Cthulhu. We applaud all these efforts, but votes for such characters are an expression of mere dissatisfaction. Such votes fail to send a positive message about what Americans and all people truly want: Liberty…

If 1% of voters write in “Aleister Crowley,” then his message of Liberty will be heard around the world, as amazed media report a groundswell of support for someone they thought was not only dead and British, but still the wickedest man in the world. We don’t actually imagine he will get that many votes, but that’s beside the point. Ceci n’est pas une campagne politique.

As goofy as it may seem, the AC2012 campaign serves as reminder to register and vote in the primaries and the general election because even though we may not be enthusiastic about the presidential candidates, it’s important to show up at the voting booth as there are state local candidates and issues, along with providing an opportunity for people to learn more about Crowley, as this ad shows.

Remember, as Crowley wrote:

Love is the law, Love under Will. Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.