UnAmerican: If Elected, Rick Santorum Would Banhammer Fap Sites

Everyone knows the Internet was created for two reasons: Lolcats and to allow free expression of everything else. Yet if elected, Rick Santorum promises something very un-American: To ban pornography on the Internet. That sequel to Fifty Shades of Grey–forget about it. (And teh kittehs may be next).

In a statement on his website, Santorum, whose name has become synonymous with a specific neologism meaning a frothy mix of certain fluids, spews forth:

Current federal “obscenity” laws prohibit distribution of hardcore (obscene) pornography on the Internet, on cable/satellite TV, on hotel/motel TV, in retail shops and through the mail or by common carrier. Rick Santorum believes that federal obscenity laws should be vigorously enforced. “If elected President, I will appoint an Attorney General who will do so.”

The Obama Administration has turned a blind eye to those who wish to preserve our culture from the scourge of pornography and has refused to enforce obscenity laws. While the Obama Department of Justice seems to favor pornographers over children and families, that will change under a Santorum Administration.

But what is obscene? That depends on prevailing community standards, which can translate to six squeaky wheels protesting in front of the Hustler store, while a lot of people stay home watching streaming triple-X raunchfests or reading Anaïs Nin. Or Aleister Crowley. Rick Santorum’s concept of obscene probably varies widely from mine. Or yours. Or the guy next door’s.

Dr. Omar Minwalla Clinical Director of The Institute for Sexual Health, based in Beverly Hills, CA pointed out in an interview with me that there is a large uptick in straight-identified men (admitting to) watching pornography featuring transgender people. Many couples, married or not, watch pornography together. Fifty Shades of Grey, a “romance” novel featuring heavy BDMS (bondage/dominance/sado-masochism) is best seller among women, especially it seems, married moms; the highly sexed novel is credited as putting the spice back into relationships. And this graph shows that traditionally Republican, conservative states have the highest Google searches for both “God” and “free gay porn.”

Filtering the Internet for obscenity is a slippery slope, and an election strategy that could backfire. Such a plan would cost taxpayers money and cause more government interference in our lives, while doing nothing to lower taxes, create jobs, strengthen the border, or end our dependency on foreign oil – all of which are huge Republican issues. While some people may outwardly support Santorum, when it comes to what they do at home and in the voting booth, both equally very private matters, personal issues could translate to a loss for the sexual-censorship-obsessed Santorum.

In an interesting side note, Dr. Minwalla adds that many of the clients he sees for sexuality concerns are often Republican, religious conservatives who are sexually acting out with not only pornography, but multiple affairs, prostitution, strip clubs, massage parlors, and with employees. Says Dr. Minwalla:

Often, in order to compensate for the shame they may feel about their secret and shame-based sexual behaviors, many such men will present as fighters for morality, or join organizations that fight pornography as a way to compensate for their shame and the discomfort about their own sexuality,as a way of soothing it and making themselves feel better.

Now Rick Santorum wants to create an even bigger, illegal shame pool for people to swim in using standards of obscenity based on the views of a group of people who think having Ellen DeGeneres–a talented, successful, married woman who gives to charity and is concerned about social and economic issues–as a spokesperson for a major department store is reprehensible:

I proudly support the efforts of the War on Illegal Pornography Coalition that has tirelessly fought to get federal obscenity laws enforced. That coalition is composed of 120 national, state, and local groups, including Morality in Media, Family Research Council, Focus on the Family, American Family Association, Cornerstone Family Council of New Hampshire, Pennsylvania Family Institute, Concerned Women for America, The Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention, and a host of other groups. Together we will prevail.

Can you imagine the meetings these groups must have, huddled around the flickering screens of their computers, sharing files of fap-fodder, groaning in ecstasy disgust at the filthy perversions of their fellow Americans…

Oh and Senator Santorum, Ben Franklin participated in orgies. Plus our Founding Fathers appeared to like porn, the profits of which help found the American Revolution. So fap to that, Frothyman.

44 Responses to "UnAmerican: If Elected, Rick Santorum Would Banhammer Fap Sites"
Aleister Crowley 2012 | Friday March 16, 2012 03:05 pm 1

It’s interesting you mention Aleister Crowley, who also is running for president from the grave. He was a champion of sexual freedom in his day, as well as every other kind of freedom. Check out http://ac2012.com to learn more about it.


sonofthedude | Friday March 16, 2012 03:50 pm 2

There is not a snowball’s chance in hell this will ever happen and that is because there is too much money to be made from porn. If Santorum somehow manages to win, the PTB may allow him to terrorize women and gay citizens but they will not allow any action that might drain money away from their coffers.


judybrowni | Friday March 16, 2012 03:51 pm 3

Three words for you: The Meese Commission

Didn’t work then, especially won’t work now.


Margaret | Friday March 16, 2012 03:53 pm 4

When the Republicans do it, it’s not big gubbmint interfering with your freedoms. They’re….doing right by god or….exercising the will of the people….or something.


Twain | Friday March 16, 2012 03:55 pm 5

Santorum seems to have forgotten that he is speaking to an entire nation of people who are fairly free to do what they want. And they’re not going to vote for some nitwit who would like to tell them what to do in their own homes – or anywhere else for that matter. He is tightening his own noose IMO.


bluedot12 | Friday March 16, 2012 03:56 pm 6
In response to Margaret @ 4

Yeah… somthin’ for sure.


onitgoes | Friday March 16, 2012 03:59 pm 7

Didn’t Gov GoodHair Perry have some kind of significant investment in the porn industry?? As well as Mittens Bain Capital via his Board Membership on Marriott (or similar), where they provided pay-for-porn (until just recently I think: oh the hypocrisy) in their rooms??

As someone else said: Porn’$ big buckeroonie$, and I don’t see the censorship thing working out. But with Santorum: figures. Not that it means that Santorum, himself, doesn’t indulge. I have no idea & could care less, but just a friendly reminder that Grifter Rick is one of Doug Coe’s C Street “Family/Fellowship” WHITE MEN. They have 2 rules in that Krazy Kewl Klub: one rule for the WHITE Aristocracy (which is: do whatever the fack you want), and another huge set of rules for the proles.


EvilDrPuma | Friday March 16, 2012 04:07 pm 8

Ironically (because the last time someone said this, it was the Rethugs):

Can we please get a President who spends at least some of his time not thinking about sex?!?!


ducktree | Friday March 16, 2012 04:08 pm 9

That coalition is composed of 120 national, state, and local groups, including Morality in Media, Family Research Council, Focus on the Family, American Family Association, Cornerstone Family Council of New Hampshire, Pennsylvania Family Institute, Concerned Women for America, The Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention, and a host of other groups. Together we will prevail.

They forgot to mention the Prudish Peckerwoods of Pennsylvania. Furthermore, Santorum will ALWAYS make the slope slippery, the floor slippery, the sheets slippery. Well, you get the picture (eewwww!).


Twain | Friday March 16, 2012 04:12 pm 10

Maybe someone can remember, I can’t – when did sex become THE issue with Rs? I think it began to be “important” during Reagan’s term. Now they talk about it constantly. It would seem that they have nothing else.


ducktree | Friday March 16, 2012 04:15 pm 11
In response to Twain @ 10

Well, there was Tipper Gore’s smut snit about “rock porn” (I didn’t know rocks needed to do that kind of thing to multiply).


Twain | Friday March 16, 2012 04:16 pm 12
In response to ducktree @ 11

LOL. I forgot about that and I’ll bet she wishes she could, too.


ducktree | Friday March 16, 2012 04:17 pm 13
In response to Twain @ 12

Yeah, that and her husband’s fat also, too! (;>


ducktree | Friday March 16, 2012 04:21 pm 14

AAAARRGGH! My eyes! Get the bleach! Talk about gratuitous smut!


Margaret | Friday March 16, 2012 04:22 pm 15
In response to ducktree @ 13

Right? How the Hell can global climate change be true when Al Gore is fat? Only the toady media can pretend that’s a rational extrapolation.


Maddy | Friday March 16, 2012 04:23 pm 16

Methinks he doth protest too much

What he see’s is the mirror reflecting back darkly
through the iron bars almost rusted through
belying what he would really do.

So many rebuglicans so many trench coats oh my


Margaret | Friday March 16, 2012 04:24 pm 17
In response to EvilDrPuma @ 8

I’ve decided that the Republicans spend so much time worried about what goes on in other peoples’ bedrooms because they can’t get laid. Even the married ones.


EvilDrPuma | Friday March 16, 2012 04:33 pm 18
In response to Margaret @ 17

Well, of course; just look at the kind of stuff they’re into. Diapers, double wetsuits, male dildo use, open marriages…every Republican we know about is into at least one kink and doesn’t seem to be very choosy about partners. I’d think twice about fooling around with them, too.


tammanytiger | Friday March 16, 2012 04:43 pm 19

Good luck with that, Ricky. In my travels I’ve noticed that the redder the county, the greater the likelihood that there will be a Lion’s Den porn shop alongside the interstate.


Margaret | Friday March 16, 2012 04:50 pm 20
In response to EvilDrPuma @ 18

Hmph! I’m surprised nobody has weighed in with a “Democrats are just as kinky!”, comment yet.


Margaret | Friday March 16, 2012 04:52 pm 21
In response to tammanytiger @ 19

Porn shops and liquor stores are banned in Lubbock, therefore they are all clustered at the periphery and they are all owned by the churches. Every one. What a scam.


tammanytiger | Friday March 16, 2012 04:53 pm 22
In response to Margaret @ 20

Yup. Someone will say that one Anthony Weiner crotch shot equals the body of work compiled by David Vitter, John Ensign, and Mark Sanford.


tammanytiger | Friday March 16, 2012 04:54 pm 23
In response to Margaret @ 21

At least Lubbock divested itself of basketball coach Robert Montgomery Knight.


sfmikey | Friday March 16, 2012 04:56 pm 24

Rick Santorum thinks his own hot, sweaty love embraces should set the standard for you all. Vatican approved (except for the peds). Missionary position only, and only heterosexuals need apply.

Why the odd emphasis on sex? There’s a lot more important stuff going on. I hope people notice.

Meanwhile, why does anyone vote for a POS like Santorum? (Yeah, I know. The GOP base. Fuck ‘em all.)


Margaret | Friday March 16, 2012 04:59 pm 25
In response to tammanytiger @ 23

Yeah, Dunno who that is…


sfmikey | Friday March 16, 2012 05:04 pm 26
In response to Margaret @ 25

Bobby Knight. Bad.


nonpartisanliberal | Friday March 16, 2012 05:10 pm 27

I heard on the TV news that Santorum thinks pornography threatens marriage. How many things threaten Santorum’s marriage? We have homosexuality and pornography on the list. What else?


sfmikey | Friday March 16, 2012 05:32 pm 28

Is Rick Santorum the last Puritan?


Petrocelli | Friday March 16, 2012 05:38 pm 29
In response to Margaret @ 17

The ReThugs don’t mind you snooping in their bedrooms, just stay out of their Closets …


tammanytiger | Friday March 16, 2012 05:43 pm 30
In response to sfmikey @ 28

Puritans were more communitarian than Ricky. They also had greater respect for science and other forms of learning.


Lisa Derrick | Friday March 16, 2012 05:46 pm 31

I would vote for him in an instant. Great write in candidate!


AitchD | Friday March 16, 2012 05:47 pm 32

Re the hardcore varieties: A young French woman ‘corrected” me, saying, “Zsk-zsk, ce n’est pas pornographique, c’est erotique!”


Lisa Derrick | Friday March 16, 2012 05:48 pm 33
In response to onitgoes @ 7

Yes, he did. I wrote about it here


Lisa Derrick | Friday March 16, 2012 05:57 pm 34
In response to nonpartisanliberal @ 27

Many married couples watch or read porn together, and Fifty Shades of Grey is credited with putting some zip back into married sex. And let’s not forget that Pat Robertson recently said “Oral sex between married couples is fine.” No saying what Rick Frothy Santorum’s take on that might be–he might think it’s immoral, or obscene, thus causing a huge split between the Catholics and Baptists…


Denn | Friday March 16, 2012 05:57 pm 35

Next he’ll launch a crusade against Basement Cat.


Denn | Friday March 16, 2012 06:04 pm 36
In response to AitchD @ 32

Yes, proper labeling is essential.


AitchD | Friday March 16, 2012 06:08 pm 37
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 34

Why do people watch and read porn? Why do people watch cooking shows and buy cook books?


ducktree | Friday March 16, 2012 06:28 pm 38

a huge split between the Catholics and Baptists…

Y’mean like a schism?


Lisa Derrick | Friday March 16, 2012 06:52 pm 39
In response to ducktree @ 38

The schism between Constantinople and Rome was due in large part to the debate over communion wafers: Should they be leavened (“He is risen!” said Constantinople) while Rome lobbied for azyme, or unleavened communion.


Gina9223 | Friday March 16, 2012 07:26 pm 40

I’ve been joking that Santorum has pisse off women, Hispanics, the entire GLBT community, evryone who’s not catholic and the only ones looking to be left who would vote for him would be a small handfull of men…. And now thanks to his views he’s alienated them too.

Also, like I learned on Avenue Q, the Internet is for porn!


kimmie | Friday March 16, 2012 08:06 pm 41

Over 39 years ago I met the woman of my dreams. Still married. I was a freak (hippie) and she was an innocent young girl. There was mutual respect, but she wanted to know about other aspects of sex. Porn was the only way for her to understand. NO, I never forced her. We viewed the movies and enjoyed what she wanted. That is what happened. We enjoyed sex and enjoyed each other. Porn is a teacher, not a corruptible part of our lives.


cwaltz | Friday March 16, 2012 09:41 pm 42
In response to kimmie @ 41

Really? There is very little porn that I would consider instructional. Most of the stuff I’ve seen didn’t strike me as super realistic. That being said alot of movie genres aren’t REALISTIC. If it makes someone happy (or horny) to watch a movie and fantasize then who the hell am I to judge?


ysbadaddenisonyourignorelist | Friday March 16, 2012 11:00 pm 43

Santorum should definitely run on the platform of banning porn from the internet. Since Red states are the biggest consumers of porn in the country (Utah being #1) he wouldn’t get a single vote.

OK, maybe 100 or so.


Aleister Crowley 2012 | Saturday March 17, 2012 01:46 pm 44
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 31

Thanks Lisa! Please help spread the word about this campaign :)


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