Oh noez! A super big giant phallo-missile mysteriously shot up in the air off of Catalina and no one at the Pentagon wants to talk. Pentagon spokesman Col. Dave Lapan told local the Los Angeles CBS affliate which had captured the Unknown Launch on camera:
Nobody within the Department of Defense that we’ve reached out to has been able to explain what this contrail is, where it came from. So far, we’ve come up empty with any explanation.
Golly! One report has Former US Ambassador to NATO Robert Ellsworth, a former deputy secretary of defense, suggesting to CBS8 that
It could be a test firing of an intercontinental ballistic missile from a submarine underwater… to demonstrate mainly to Asia, that we can do that
But maybe it was just a commercial something or other, only FAA doesn’t know anything about it.
So I am thinking maybe it was some test rocket by an amateur, a brilliant under-employed substitute teacher. Or perhaps the street people of Santa Monica set off a giant bottle rocket. Your thoughts?
John Pike, a defense expert who is director of GlobalSecurity.org, said he believes he has solved the mystery.
“It’s clearly an airplane contrail,” Pike said Tuesday afternoon. “It’s an optical illusion that looks like it’s going up, whereas in reality it’s going towards the camera. The tip of the contrail is moving far too slowly to be a rocket. When it’s illuminated by the sunset, you can see hundreds of miles of it … all the way to the horizon.
Oh yeah, I believe that theory, or maybe it was flatulence from white winged pigs. Did you know there are actually pigs that don’t have cloven hooves, so technically they can be used for kosher bacon?