Florida is NUTS! Bestiality IN, Fake Testicles OUT!

vintage postcard: riptheskull/creative commons

Gosh Florida just keeps getting zanier. Sure, along with being God’s Waiting Room, a theme-park megalopolis and the world headquarters of a goofy space alien religion, the state is also the home of holy homophobic hypocrite George “Rentboys” Rekers–and last week the state legislature declined to ban bestiality.

But today the wacky state of Eff-El-Lay just got way nuttier when the State Senate voted to ban “Truck Nutz,” decorative testicles that dangle from trailer hitches on cars and trucks from Tallahasse to the Keys. And the ban may cause a seminal rift in the state’s Republican Party which was already somewhat castrated by Charlie Crist’s anticlimactic departure.

Calling the dangling adornments offensive, Republican Sen. Cary Baker, a gun shop owner from Eustis, Florida led the no-balls brigade, while fellow GOP member Senate Rules Chairman Jim King would like to see the proposal sacked. King bagged on the measure and other Republicans also said bollocks to nanny state interference in vehicle decoration. While the measure got hung onto a broader transportation bill in the Senate, testicles are not attached to the House version.

66 Responses to "Florida is NUTS! Bestiality IN, Fake Testicles OUT!"
Teddy Partridge | Wednesday May 12, 2010 02:52 pm 1

Bollocks!


Teddy Partridge | Wednesday May 12, 2010 02:53 pm 2

Can’t spell F-L-O-R-I-D-A without I-L-A-F


Teddy Partridge | Wednesday May 12, 2010 02:57 pm 3

We have a purely hypothetical question in our house about the unconstitutionality of banning the goat-man action: is gay goat-man action also not bannable?

Purely hypothetical, mind you.
Just want to understand the in’s and out’s of the Florida constitution.


Lisa Derrick | Wednesday May 12, 2010 07:20 pm 4
In response to Teddy Partridge @ 3

Oddly, Teddy, in our house we were asking the same question about same sex bestiality! Great minds run the same way–right into the gutter!


Lisa Derrick | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:17 pm 5

Balls!


Twain | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:24 pm 6

Lisa, this a very funny post. Great work. Thanks


Margaret | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:26 pm 7

Wait, there’s a very good reason to ban those things. They dangle under trucks and usually the type of people who use them aren’t very interested or capable of attaching them adequately. The first time I saw one of those things, the truck hit a bump and they came off. I swore right then if I survived a pair of those things coming through my windshield, the lawsuit would be epic. I can’t speak to bestiality though. Maybe they just like having sex with farm animals there.


nahant | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:27 pm 8

Balls!
Yep!
Just BALLS!!!


Eureka Springs | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:28 pm 9

But ocifer, my trailer hitch has a vasectomy!


Margaret | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:28 pm 10
In response to Margaret @ 7

P.S. I don’t care if people find them offensive, I just don’t want to be injured or killed by such a blatant badge of little man syndrome.


Lisa Derrick | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:30 pm 11
In response to Margaret @ 10

LOL, that’s a good point Margaret. Weirdly though not the one that FL legislators chose to raise.


Petrocelli | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:30 pm 12

Lisa !

I’m wiping away the tears … laughing so hard …


Margaret | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:31 pm 13
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 11

Hardly surprising. They were too busy clutching their pearls to think about the obvious safety aspect.


nahant | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:32 pm 14

Speaking of Balls!!
How big are yours??


beguiner | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:32 pm 15

I counted a quintuple entendre in that last paragraph.


Kelly Canfield | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:33 pm 16

Heh. Those truck-nutz are usually on rifle-rack bearing trucks that I see, with tea-bagger type bumper stickers.

Great Move, FLORIDA!


EvilDrPuma | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:33 pm 17

Do these things come with a decorative scrotum? Is this some kind of teabagger badge of honor? Enquiring minds want to know…and so does mine.


Lisa Derrick | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:34 pm 18
In response to EvilDrPuma @ 17

It’s a hairy subject…


Petrocelli | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:36 pm 19
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 18

Well, it gave me the Willies …


EvilDrPuma | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:41 pm 20

Ma’s out. Pa’s out. Let’s talk rude! Pee! Po! Belly! Bum! Drawers!
Dance in the garden in the nude! Pee! Po! Belly! Bum! Drawers!
Let’s write rude words all down the street;
Stick out our tongues at the people we meet.
Let’s have an intellectual treat! Pee! Po! Belly! Bum! Drawers!

–Flanders and Swann, “P**! P*! B****! B**! D******!”


beleck | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:41 pm 21

used to be California was the laughingstock, now Florida with the latest in lunacy. lol. Gosh what fun. from Katherine Harris to Charlie Crist and now Balls to Goat sex and I ain’t gay Rekers. lol.


Lisa Derrick | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:41 pm 22

I shuddered and swooned…


Margaret | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:41 pm 23
In response to Kelly Canfield @ 16

Glad you’re here Kelly. I had an awful very bad, no good day. It started out with being diagnosed with autism and ended with an apartment maintenance, (not electrician), guy selecting the wrong box to turn the power off in and somehow he managed to short out my 220 VDC line, taking out my cable box and every 220V appliance in the place: Stove, microwave, washer, dryer, refrigerator, air conditioner and water heater. Why this maintenance, (not electrician), guy was poking around in my electrical box is anybody’s guess but it would have taken out my computer too if I didn’t have a very good surge protector. Now I have to wait until an actual electrician shows up, supposedly tomorrow to repair the short. As for the appliances….who knows? The stove and fridge are fried because there was smoke pouring out of them but maybe the others survived because they weren’t turned on. Hoping tomorrow is a better day.


Kelly Canfield | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:43 pm 24

Lisa Derrick | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:44 pm 25

Teddy pointed out that you cant spell Florida without I-L-A-F, and I’d like ot point out there’s F-A-I-L in Florida too…and in the GOP which is always complaining about “nanny state regulations” and how wrong PC-ness is then passes this!


AZ Matt | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:44 pm 26

These guys must get excited seeing these Nutz.


Lisa Derrick | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:46 pm 27
In response to Margaret @ 23

OMG, you poor thing! what a nightmare! I hope your landlord deals with the appliances ASAP!


ratfood | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:47 pm 28
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 4

In Florida’s defense, their policy on bestiality isn’t exactly no-holds-barred. The sex has to be has to be consensual and the animal allowed to finish first.


Kelly Canfield | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:48 pm 29
In response to Margaret @ 23

Holy shit!


Margaret | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:48 pm 30
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 27

I hope he does too but he’s new here and I’ve never spoken with him until today. he’s extremely patronizing and the fact is that I’ve forgotten more about electrical theory and wiring than he has ever known. I ended our conversation by telling him that I don’t need platitudes, I need appliances.


EvilDrPuma | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:51 pm 31
In response to ratfood @ 28

Do they get the animal’s approval the same way the ancient Greek sacrificers did–by pouring water on its head?


Margot | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:51 pm 32
In response to Margaret @ 23

That’s awful! ((Margaret)) Here’s hoping tomorrow you have appliances that work, at the very least.


Lisa Derrick | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:53 pm 33
In response to AZ Matt @ 26

Kelly Canfield | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:54 pm 34
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 33

Did you know that when you’re judging a dog show, you have to check the dog’s testicles to make sure they’re NOT neuticles?

Yep, ya gotta grab that Dane right where he likes it…


ratfood | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:54 pm 35
In response to Kelly Canfield @ 24

Loo Hoo. | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:55 pm 36

Margaret | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:56 pm 37

I’m going to bed early I think. Tomorrow will seem to come quicker. Night all.


Lisa Derrick | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:57 pm 38
In response to Kelly Canfield @ 34

Yes! Oddly I do know that; I’ve been writing about Neuticles since 1997. Neuticles are BANNED in pet shows, though the cmpany now makes “lifelike” ones. And they make gift items, too


Lisa Derrick | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:57 pm 39
In response to Margaret @ 37

Good luck, M. May tomorrow be better!


ratfood | Wednesday May 12, 2010 08:57 pm 40
In response to Margaret @ 23

Hopefully the landlord will do the right thing. If not, contact your local tenant advocacy agency, or if none is available some legal professionals. We have free services available here in Illinois hopefully you have something comparable.

Sorry if that was an overstatement of the obvious.


ratfood | Wednesday May 12, 2010 09:00 pm 41
In response to Kelly Canfield @ 34

That’s probably where Crocodile Dundee got the idea.


Kelly Canfield | Wednesday May 12, 2010 09:01 pm 42
In response to ratfood @ 35

HEE!


Kelly Canfield | Wednesday May 12, 2010 09:03 pm 43
In response to Margaret @ 37

Night Peg! Smooch!


Lisa Derrick | Wednesday May 12, 2010 09:03 pm 44

However, Leon Co, FL did something GOOD
From Joe.My.God.

In a 5-2 vote, the Leon County Commission approved the controversial changes to the county’s current human-rights ordinance.The changes are designed to deter discrimination and include more protection for members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered community. Commissioners Jane Sauls and Bryan Desloge voted against the measure. The proposed changes offer stronger protections from discrimination in four areas: general provisions, employment discrimination, equal access to places of public accommodations and fair housing.


Loo Hoo. | Wednesday May 12, 2010 09:04 pm 45

Oh, Margaret. Be sure to keep track of the food you lose in the fridge and freezer.

Bummer.


Oilfieldguy | Wednesday May 12, 2010 09:07 pm 46

Hello, from Grayson, KY.

I vote we teabag this bill.


Lisa Derrick | Wednesday May 12, 2010 09:08 pm 47
In response to Oilfieldguy @ 46

It will get licked in the House.


Oilfieldguy | Wednesday May 12, 2010 09:10 pm 48
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 47

How does the Oval Office feel about this?


Lisa Derrick | Wednesday May 12, 2010 09:10 pm 49
In response to Oilfieldguy @ 48

Sweaty


oldgold | Wednesday May 12, 2010 09:12 pm 50

Trucks accessorized with these usually have big axles.

Behind the steering wheel.


Oilfieldguy | Wednesday May 12, 2010 09:16 pm 51

This scourge of dangling dongs is a national outrage and existential threat. Our representatives must sack up and demand a cod free America, or baby Jeebus will cry and the terrists will win.


Lisa Derrick | Wednesday May 12, 2010 09:16 pm 52
In response to oldgold @ 50

Greasy?


Oilfieldguy | Wednesday May 12, 2010 09:20 pm 53
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 52

No, usually a loose nut behind the wheel. My nads never leave the truck without me.


Oilfieldguy | Wednesday May 12, 2010 09:22 pm 54
In response to Oilfieldguy @ 53

Sorry, never learned to conjugate a noun.

nads
nards
raisons


Lisa Derrick | Wednesday May 12, 2010 09:23 pm 55
In response to Oilfieldguy @ 54

Raisin d’etre?

Raisinettes?


Mary McCurnin | Wednesday May 12, 2010 09:26 pm 56
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 55

pretty funny!


oldgold | Wednesday May 12, 2010 09:31 pm 57

What’s next? Will the Florida Legislature enact legislation fining writers for dangling participles?


Adam503 | Wednesday May 12, 2010 09:33 pm 58

The Labour Party will remember this outrage.

Sincerely,
Ed Balls, MP

http://www.edballs.co.uk/
TwitterID:edballsmp


Oilfieldguy | Wednesday May 12, 2010 09:37 pm 59
In response to Mary McCurnin @ 56

A cunning linguist I see. I would love to stay and trade puns with one so gifted, but alas, I have serious duties in the morn. I must ease up to the West Virginia border, then turn south for about a hundred and miles, cross over into West virginia and then come back north for about 140 miles. Then I hit the coal mine back hill trails to the location. I have 42 tires on the ground, weigh well over 200,000lbs am 15 feet wide and about half a block long.

I am certain when I find the location, the entrance would require a motorcycle to jacknife to turn into. But they’ll need me to back in for an additional challenge.


Mary McCurnin | Wednesday May 12, 2010 09:44 pm 60
In response to Oilfieldguy @ 59

oooooooooooo.


Lisa Derrick | Wednesday May 12, 2010 09:58 pm 61

We’re starting to hit the wall, nuts


Lisa Derrick | Wednesday May 12, 2010 09:58 pm 62

okay “filbert” is a funny name for a nut


Lisa Derrick | Wednesday May 12, 2010 10:09 pm 63

night all-monds!


razorbrain | Thursday May 13, 2010 04:50 am 64

The goats asked for it.


razorbrain | Thursday May 13, 2010 04:57 am 65

What’s the age of consent for eating corn nuts?


gizzardboy | Thursday May 13, 2010 10:55 am 66

You need a Squidbillies clip to go with this article.


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