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Values Voter Summit: Oh Please Someone, We Have To Attend!

bosch-jardin-des-delices-detail.thumbnail.jpgHow could anyone not want to go to this absolutely lulz-filled weekend of wingnuts, whackjobs, blowhard bloviators, bigots, hypocrites and high-horsed, narrow-minded numbskulls known as the Values Voter Summit?

It’s a tea party on acid, beyond Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas. Oh won’t someone send me, pleeeeeease? (Sadly though, my Values Voter heroes, John Ensign, Mark Sanford and Paul Stanley weren’t invited….)

Along with guests like the obvious (Rush Limbaugh, Michelle Bachman, Bill O’Reilly, Rick Perry, Jeb Bush, Jim DeMint, Don Wildmon, Glenn Beck, Bobby Jindal) and party fossil celebs Fred Thompson, Ben Stein and Phyllis Shlafly, plus actor Gary Sinise and former teen star turned-uber-freaky Jesus dude/Way of the Master pitchman Kirk Cameron, there will be the new illiterati of the theocons: Those multi-media stars Sarah Palin, Carrie Prejean and Stephen Baldwin! Wow, there is part of me that wishes Baldwin would pull a Rob-Lowe-at-the-1988-DNC-Convention video moment with the two former beauty queens. Now that would have some value!

Check out these rocking breakout sessions! It’s gonna be so hard to decide which ones to attend!

  • SPEECHLESS – SILENCING THE CHRISTIANS
  • THUGOCRACY – FIGHTING THE VAST LEFT WING CONSPIRACY
  • DEFUNDING PLANNED PARENTHOOD
  • ACTIVISM AND CONSERVATISM: FIT TO A TEA (PARTY)
  • THE THREAT OF ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION
  • OBAMACARE: RATIONING YOUR LIFE AWAY
  • MARRIAGE: WHY IT’S WORTH DEFENDING AND HOW REDEFINING IT THREATENS RELIGIOUS LIBERTY
  • THE NEW MASCULINITY
  • WAIT NO MORE: FINDING FAMILIES FOR WAITING KIDS
  • TURNING THE TIDE IN YOUR GENERATION

And you betcha, the Values Voter Summit is a real value! It’s only $99 for the whole weekend (special event meals not included), $200 for the weekend plus the Saturday Evening Faith, Family and Freedom Gala Dinner Honoring Phyllis Schlafly (black tie optional).

There’s also a $550 package that includes:

Briefing and Exhibits Pass; Friday Breakfast Sponsored by American Values; Friday Luncheon Sponsored by Focus on the Family Action; Saturday Breakfast Sponsored by The Heritage Foundation; Saturday Luncheon Sponsored by American Family Association; Private Reception and Faith, Family & Freedom Gala Dinner Honoring Phyllis Schlafly on Saturday Evening 

 but I’m not sure I could stomach all that food for thought.

Sadly, Palin and Prejean haven’t confirmed, nor have Mitt Romney, Maggie Gallagher, Sean Hannity, or over half the names on the invited speakers page which reads like a C Street spank bank list, but even if they don’t, it’ll still be hoot with sixteen exhibitors like Let Freedom RingWatchmen on the Wall,  Chalcedon, the very Catholic group American TFP (Tradition, Family, and Property), The American Civil Rights Union, Liberty University School of Law, and of course Americans United for Life, plus sponsors American Family Association, the Family Research Council (plus FRC Action, their legislative action group) and The Heritage Foundation.

And gosh, for a a bunch of folks who want to uphold the Constitution, it seems they are a little teeeny bit confused on this part of the First Amendment

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof 

since the Values Voter Summit (which by virtue of the word "voter" and the presence of legislative action groups has to do with getting Congress to enact laws) are urging churches to get involved in the political process:

Accept our personal invitation for pastors to attend the Values Voter Summit.
We believe this event will be a blessing to pastors and their ministry and will further equip pastors to speak boldly on the critical moral issues of our day.

Promote the Values Voter Summit in your church.
Promotional materials that you can use to inform your congregation about this important event will be available for downloading in the next couple of months. Among these promotional materials will be a bulletin insert. We are asking churches across the nation to put the insert into your bulletin…

There’s the implication that pastors speaking will lead to voters voting–and voting along lines that are church sanctioned, thus muddying the separation of church and state, as the pressure will be on Congress from these voters to enact laws that reflect narrow and specific religious values. 

Also, it seems a little tacky to promote stuff like this in the churches, as it a political event, not a charity walk for cancer research.

But the Values Voter Summit still look like the trippiest weekend ever! So are we going?!

[H/T Theopalinism.com]

  Spotlight
72 Responses to "Values Voter Summit: Oh Please Someone, We Have To Attend!"
Funnydiva2002 | Friday July 24, 2009 05:41 pm 1

Gary Sinise?!
OK, that’s it. I’m officially boycotting CSI:NY!
Values, my fat white A$$ets.

FunnyWheelieDiva


ThingsComeUndone | Saturday July 25, 2009 10:24 am 2

Our values are help the poor get healthcare, end the wars, helping the socially shunned Mary Magdalene’s of our time be accepted the Dark, the Immigrant and yes the Gay.
Their values are no Healthcare, more wars, and pee on the Dark, Immigrants and the Gay.
We have Christian Values they have hmmm whats the opposite of Value?….Vice!
They have Vice!


EvilDrPuma | Saturday July 25, 2009 11:53 am 3

I’d rather go hunting with Dick Cheney. I’d be put out of my misery a lot quicker.


TobyWollin | Saturday July 25, 2009 06:18 pm 4

That list makes me want to grab and chug a bottle of Maalox.


newtonusr | Saturday July 25, 2009 06:35 pm 5

Wow, there is part of me that wishes Baldwin would pull a Rob-Lowe-at-the-1988-DNC-Convention video moment with the two former beauty queens.

Not to compliment the ‘girlz in da hood,’ but even they would not subvert themselves to the Australopithecan Baldwin. Dude is just plain sub-species.

But it would make ‘interesting’ TV.


Lisa Derrick | Saturday July 25, 2009 06:35 pm 6

I soooo want to go!


Lisa Derrick | Saturday July 25, 2009 06:42 pm 7

But it looks pretty tragic right now actually, not a lot of high profile names have rsvp’ed, unless you count rush and bill o’reilly…


TexBetsy | Saturday July 25, 2009 06:42 pm 8
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 6

I’ll room with you Lisa! Should be fun!


newtonusr | Saturday July 25, 2009 06:43 pm 9
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 6

You are a sick puppy…
Can I tag along?


ratfood | Saturday July 25, 2009 06:44 pm 10

Surely Victoria Jackson will attend, or does she some a scheduling conflict (Rapture) that takes precedence?

One thing is certain, I don’t want to be standing anywhere near her when her naked Raptured ass goes sailin’ up yonder.


TexBetsy | Saturday July 25, 2009 06:46 pm 11

Wait! They’re doing the whole summit during Rosh Hashanah! Wahhhh! Why don’t they consider the needs of Jewish values voters?


SmileySam | Saturday July 25, 2009 06:46 pm 12

I wonder if Ralph Reed is going to use this as a event for his new “hipper” Christian Coalition? The fact that he believes he can put his personal ponzi religion back into making him money shows just how nuts he is.


newtonusr | Saturday July 25, 2009 06:47 pm 13
In response to ratfood @ 10

Just think of all the good gear that they will leave behind in one big pile! iPhones, diamonds and gold, silk and cashmere… And a garage chock-full of Bimmers.

I’m there for sure.


Lisa Derrick | Saturday July 25, 2009 06:48 pm 14

Victoria wasn’t invited to speak. How embarrassing for her that Stephen Baldwin is more A-list than she.

I wonder how much speakers are getting paid, the range of rates?


ratfood | Saturday July 25, 2009 06:49 pm 15
In response to newtonusr @ 13

Not to mention all the livestock relieved that the Rapture resulted in coitus interruptus.


newtonusr | Saturday July 25, 2009 06:50 pm 16
In response to ratfood @ 15

You had to spoil it for me! Damn!


ratfood | Saturday July 25, 2009 06:52 pm 17
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 14

I saw an interview with Alex Baldwin awhile back in which he said that while he loves his brother Stephen it bothers him sometimes when they’re in a restaurant and Stephen looks up from his soup and says something like, “You know all these people are going to Hell, don’t you?”


cinnamonape | Saturday July 25, 2009 06:58 pm 18
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 14

Someone should ask Baby Baldwin how ditching ones creditors fits in with the “Values Voters” agenda?

Stephen Baldwin Files for Bankruptcy, Millions in Debt


Lisa Derrick | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:01 pm 19

I wonder if American TFP, which is super Catholic and has a booth at Values Voters knows how theocons view them–Peter Wagner says that the Roman Catholic Church is under the sway of a great demon he calls the “Queen of Heaven.”

And The Pope gave Obama a copy of his latest encyclical “which talks about the importance of strong language here on the redistribution of wealth — not something people like to talk about in the USA. If the Catholic right is against the redistribution of wealth, they’re against the pope. He doesn’t believe an unregulated marketplace is going to solve all the problems of economy and poverty.”

Yup, that’s demon, per C Street!


cinnamonape | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:02 pm 20
In response to ratfood @ 10

Victoria will likely be caught unawares in a handstand position (her schtick in SNL…besides being the one that wasn’t allowed behind the wheel deferring to Toonces the Cat as the better driver). The archangel Gabriel will be confused and send her to “hell”.


ratfood | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:06 pm 21
In response to cinnamonape @ 20

I confess that I found her SNL contortions slightly erotic but her recent lunatic rantings have completely spoiled it for me.


newtonusr | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:06 pm 22
In response to cinnamonape @ 18

I’d love to see that, but it comes up “The article requested is not available.”


Lisa Derrick | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:06 pm 23

Vicoria is PAINFUL http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oF_JdL0iIQw

She says Obama is a commie! (warning her voice is worse than Carrie Prejean’s


ratfood | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:06 pm 24
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 19

This was a nice quote.

“Brazil is occupied by Catholics,” declared Muthee in a militant sermon he gave on March 14, 2004 at a United Kingdom church, ‘but people are being saved anyway!”


cinnamonape | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:07 pm 25
In response to SmileySam @ 12

“new “hipper” Christian Coalition” The irony is that the CC was created by making all those “Jesus Freaks” (those hippies that regarded Jesus as a revolutionary for the poor) into abject fundamentalists believing in the C Street “prosperity gospel” (about as far from a literal reading of Jesus’s words as possible).

Now they want to try it again.


Loo Hoo. | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:09 pm 26

Who the hell is Stephen Baldwin?

This would be a fun event, wouldn’t it? Long as we had a few pups to look at cross-eyed every few minutes. We could re-group and laugh our asses off every once in a while!

It would probably one of those deals where you know you’re not supposed to laugh, so you cannot stop.


newtonusr | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:10 pm 27
In response to ratfood @ 21

Don’t you just have to believe that she was struggling to reinsert herself into the spotlight, and this was her agent’s suggestion? I don’t see her having the wits to decide either way.


ThingsComeUndone | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:11 pm 28
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 6

What are you Jane Goodal looking to learn by living among the Chimps?


Twain | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:11 pm 29
In response to ratfood @ 17

Stephen just declared bankruptcy a few days ago. That Xian magic must not be working for him and he certainly is the worst actor in the universe.


JoeBuddha | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:12 pm 30

SPEECHLESS – SILENCING THE CHRISTIANS
If the “CHRISTIANS” mentioned are Wing-Nuts, this sounds like my breakout. It IS a how-to, isn’t it?


ratfood | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:12 pm 31
In response to newtonusr @ 27

I kinda doubt Victoria even has an agent at this point.

Possibly worth noting that she came out of the same SNL crew that gave us Dennis Miller.


cinnamonape | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:13 pm 32
In response to newtonusr @ 22

Odd, but Try This

Failing that…any ol’ search with “Stephen Baldwin” and “Bankrupt” should find you lots of recent articles. Wonder if the creditors will get dibs on his speech residuals?


ThingsComeUndone | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:13 pm 33
In response to TexBetsy @ 11

Secret plan to make sure no Neocons attend? They are plotting something and the NeoCons should be nervous.


newtonusr | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:13 pm 34
In response to Loo Hoo. @ 26

This is Steven Baldwin. You don’t need but a few seconds to get the drift.


Lisa Derrick | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:13 pm 35

Stephen Baldwin was in Usual Suspects, and he was just on I’m a celebrity Get Me Out of Here. and here’s another article about his bankruptcy


Sharkbabe | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:14 pm 36

nonsensical gibberish-spouting voluntarily mentally ill assholes whose idiocy and infantileness a toddler would shun. next.


ratfood | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:15 pm 37
In response to Twain @ 29

I almost made a joke about that but foreclosure isn’t something I care to wish on anybody. Hopefully Victoria Jackson’s mobile home is (nearly) paid for.


newtonusr | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:16 pm 38
In response to ratfood @ 31

Right, Miller! There’s a kind of symmetry to that crew.
I take it back.


Loo Hoo. | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:16 pm 39
In response to cinnamonape @ 32

Thanks. No wonder I didn’t know who he was.


ratfood | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:17 pm 40
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 35

He was in a celebrity episode of Fear Factor. All the projects that A-listers find so hard to resist.


Lisa Derrick | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:18 pm 41

It takes a LOT of work to be $2.3 million in debt. But maybe these guys, Christian Debt Management can help Baldwin…But then again, Christian thoughts on bankruptcy

The Christian who fancies that he may simply “declare bankruptcy,” and walk away from his indebtedness with minimal repayment, so that all future earnings are “off limits” to his creditors, is laboring under a severe misapprehension of his sacred responsibility. God will not hold such a one blameless.


TheLurkingMod | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:18 pm 42

TBogg, right on cue, upstairs!
Everyone in England and Canada is dying


cinnamonape | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:19 pm 43

Article 6 of the Constitution: “The Senators and Representatives before mentioned, and the Members of the several State Legislatures, and all executive and judicial Officers, both of the United States and of the several States, shall be bound by Oath or Affirmation, to support this Constitution; but no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States.


Loo Hoo. | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:19 pm 44
In response to newtonusr @ 34

Ah, yes. Thanks.


ratfood | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:20 pm 45
In response to TheLurkingMod @ 42

In this case “on cue” refers to something posted at 1:30 a.m. last night?


Twain | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:21 pm 46
In response to ratfood @ 37

I don’t wish foreclosure on Stephen either but he might have enough money if he got a job he could actually do. Saw him in a SFI-FI movie where the sharpest thing said the entire time was “Ugh” spoken by the natives – who no doubt were from Los Angeles.


ratfood | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:22 pm 47
In response to Twain @ 46

Well in Stephen’s defense, he did devote a couple years to stalking and photographing patrons of a porn shop that was only miles from his residence.:-)


TheLurkingMod | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:23 pm 48
In response to ratfood @ 45

Surely you are familiar with irony?

No?


Lisa Derrick | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:23 pm 49
In response to Twain @ 46

Hey I am a native Angeleno, born and bred. There’s a lot of really great things about LA (grasshopper empanadas! gelato! bacon wrapped hotdogs! small theatres, great museums!)


ratfood | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:24 pm 50
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 49

Have you met Scott Michaels?


ratfood | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:26 pm 51
In response to TheLurkingMod @ 48

It’s kind of chemical element-y, right?


Lisa Derrick | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:29 pm 52
In response to ratfood @ 50

Scott Michaels, the yeast researcher/molecular botanist at Indiana University? Or the other one?


Lisa Derrick | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:29 pm 53

I am teasing yu..but no I haven’t…I should um, dig him up…


ratfood | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:30 pm 54
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 52

I was referring to the Dearly Departed tour guide, think I got his name right but not 100 percent.


ratfood | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:31 pm 55
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 53

Gee, I thought Angelenos all knew each other…


Lisa Derrick | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:31 pm 56
In response to ratfood @ 54

you did i was teasing you! i want to do a DD tour of LA..i live about 1 mile fron LaBianca house and my high school was close to Tate house


Lisa Derrick | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:33 pm 57

Ratfood, the natives TRY to know each other–all 23 of us..I am surprised at how many natives I know actually.


ratfood | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:33 pm 58
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 56

Unfortunate the Tate house was torn down and some palatial monstrosity erected in it’s place. They also changed the address, which might have helped with the sale.


Loo Hoo. | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:43 pm 59
In response to ratfood @ 58

You’re just kinda debunking everything tonight, no?!!


Lisa Derrick | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:44 pm 60
In response to ratfood @ 58

The laBianca house has its address changed too. But when I was wa sin high school, we all knew where the Tate house was and we’d ditch over to the drive way and sit there and uh… be teenage girls ditching school….


Lisa Derrick | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:45 pm 61

The address had been changed on the Tate house but 19UMWHENEVER, but it was findable, just quick 5 mns from school…it hadnt been renovated yet


newtonusr | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:47 pm 62
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 60

After the kidnapping, we used to sit outside the Hearst’s house in Hillsborough and get…
never mind


ratfood | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:48 pm 63
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 61

I suppose you’re familiar with the rumor that Trent Reznor took the “Pig” door with him when he left? Might be true. I think Scott Michaels offers brick remnants from the original fireplace. Incidently, I think Scott is from Michigan, so not a true Angeleno.


Lisa Derrick | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:50 pm 64

When I went to Berkeley, for a brief time I lived on street whence she was kidnapped…or so my roommate said. The night of the SLA shootout my mom let us watch TV while we had dinner. Huge deal in our household, usually reserved for Monday night football only


ratfood | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:51 pm 65
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 61

Of course, the Tate house actually belonged to Terry Melcher. I’ve always wondered how Candice Bergen must have felt when she heard the news, having lived there until a short time prior to Roman and Sharon.


Lisa Derrick | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:55 pm 66
In response to ratfood @ 63

I know trent lived and recorded there for a long while…OH and that remnds me, I was listneing to conservative talk radi and osme dude was yapping about Obama’s comments re Prof Gates and said how NO OTHER PRESIDENT has ever commented on a specific crime and my first thought was

“Wait during the Manson trial Pres Nixon said they were guilty, and it made headlines–like HUGE type face and the jury had to have their bus windo blacked out so they couldnt see the headline”

The judge questioned the jury if they had seen the newspaper…


Lisa Derrick | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:57 pm 67

ngiht all…


ratfood | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:58 pm 68
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 66

And no U.S. president ever bowed to a Saudi king unless you count Dubya bending over to receive a medal and a quick canoodle.


ratfood | Saturday July 25, 2009 07:58 pm 69
In response to Lisa Derrick @ 67

Nighters.


Loo Hoo. | Saturday July 25, 2009 08:06 pm 70

Night, Lisa. See you in Vegas.


researcher | Saturday July 25, 2009 11:28 pm 71

I did agree with one tea party poster

it said term limits for congress

now that I could tea party over


regulararmyfool | Sunday July 26, 2009 08:43 am 72

Don’t worry about it. One minute after they discover that there are tour buses that will take them out to Pahrump where there are legal whorehouses, you going to see the toilet flush and the turds fighting to get on the tour buses, cab drivers are going to make a killing. The nickle slot machines are going to wear out as the grocery stocker drops all of his change and then doubles down and loses on the quarter machines and then he finds Keno and gets the adrenaline rush that Keno provides, hell, they’ll be lucky to get wives to these meetings.


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