Carrie Prejean struggled with Satan during the Miss USA Pageant. He pressed his hot lips to her ears and whispered sweet nothings, but then Jesus’ lean swimmer’s body saved her!

I felt as though Satan was trying to tempt me in asking me this question. And then God was in my head and in my heart saying, "Do not compromise this. You need to stand up for me and you need to share with all these people . . . you need to witness to them and you need to show that you’re not willing to compromise that for this title of Miss USA. 

Mmm….gosh Carrie, how do you know it wasn’t Satan telling you oppress your fellow Americans and act all Jesusy to become famous? You know how sneaky that serpent can be! And was it Satan that tempted you to pose topless in lacy pink underpants or showing a little side-boob, like in this shot? Or did you do it for your version of God’s glory?

And Carrie, what about the physical enhancements which you requested from pageant officials?  What was wrong with your own God-given assets? Not that I’m opposed to boob-jobs–in fact I think they are a great thing and support a woman’s choice to control her body in all ways from face to breasts to uterus and anywhere else–but I’m not Christian, so the theology of boobology is a little different over here in Heathenville. Isn’t vanity a sin? Or did Jesus okay the after-market upgrade?