Mormon Hottie Calendar–More Meat than Meets the Eye?

small-cal2009.thumbnail.jpgMormon man-trepreneur Chad Hardy created Mormons Exposed

a forward-thinking brand that is best known for its controversial Men on a Mission Calendar, featuring twelve handsome former Mormon missionaries who have dared to pose bare-chested

after being excommunicated from the LDS and denied his diploma at Brigham Young University since graduates are expected to meet both ecclesiastical as well as academic standards.  And printing up his 2007 calendars with half-naked Latter Day Saints on it just didn’t hack it on the former level.

Now in his third year of daring date-planners, Chad’s casting for  calendars with more Mormon hunks and Mormon moms for 2011, wiht 2010 in already in the can:

We are looking for fit great looking returned missionaries and beautiful Mormon mothers (married or single) for our 2011 calendars. Only 12 men and 12 women will be chosen. Do you have what it takes?

But here’s the deal. Only "temple Mormons" those who have been endowed–initiated, given secret passwords, a secret name and special magic underwear–are allowed to go on missions.  And while some of the Mormon men in the calendar are certainly endowed, though not in the LDS sense, they are definitely not wearing their magic onesie, which can in fact be removed for exercising, though modeling isn’t really exercise, per se.

So basically, in order to be in his calendar as Mormon man-meat, you have to either violate your sacred oath to the church, or be a former Mormon. The last batches are admittedly former Mormons.

And the Mormon muffins, as Chad calls his lady models? The LDS pamphlet For Strength gives the following guidelines:

Immodest clothing includes short shorts and skirts, tight clothing, shirts that do not cover the stomach,  and other revealing attire. Young women should wear clothing that covers the shoulder and avoid clothing that is low-cut in the front or the back or revealing in any other manner. Young men should also maintain modesty in their appearance.

 So unless he draws only from former Mormons, Chad is gonna be luring upstanding young Mormon hotties away from the church for 15 seconds of fame. Former Mormons kinda lack the"forbidden fruit" aspect. Like really who cares what you were, and while it’s noble that the models are donating a portion of the proceeds to the charities of their choice, the whole premise pretty much is moving into flunk. Okay they’re hot and they used to be Mormons, BFD. Really. 

And if they pose before they leave the church, they will be e-Mormons soon enough. Which maybe is Chad’s undercover goal…

Blago’s Bathos: He Desperately Wants to Be as Famous as Sanjaya

large_rod-blagojevich-dec15-08-illinois_governor_meye.thumbnail.jpgIn a tragic, yet politically astute move, disgraced former governor  Rod "Illin’ Noise" Blagojevich showed up at NBC Universal Summer Press Day in Pasadena, Calif., per the New York Post and glad handed everyone he could find.  Blago’s plea to a judge that he be allowed to do the show, which shoots in Costa Rica, was denied earlier this month. Blago claimed he needs the money since he and his wife are now unemployed.

Stephen Baldwin showed his support for Hot Rod, wearing a button that read

Leggo my Blago

Blago might be out-famed on the show though, had he gotten the chance to do it: Other names appearing on the show, which premiers June 1, include newleyweds Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt from The Hills, American Idol contestant Sanjaya Malakar, Baldwin and the win-at-any-cost supermodel/TV star Janice Dickinson. 

Paris Hilton: Public Health Expert

Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack:

This really isn’t swine flu. It’s H1N1 virus. We want to say to consumers here and abroad that there is no risk to you, there is no scientific evidence whatsoever that there is any link between consuming pork, prepared pork products, and the H1N1 virus.

Yet pork prices are dropping–um, bacon on sale!–because some people, like Paris Hilton, just don’t, like pay attentio to the news and stuff.

When asked about swine flu, the celebutant responded:

I don’t eat that.

Howard Stern: NSFW and Supporting Same Sex Marriage

Howard Stern had this to say about marriage equality:

My feeling about gay people is that we have a responsibility not only to make gay marriage acceptable and to make gays feel accepted as much as heterosexuals…Gay people are downtrodden. They are beaten. They are abused for their sexuality, and it goes across race. In the white community and the black communitym gay people are the bastards of the world. And in order for things to change, because any one of you could have gay children, or gay relatives, or gay friends…

The gay people in our society are responsible for some of the most creative arts..they are contributors, they area rtists and free thinkers. We have a responsibility to make this acceptable, to get all this bullshit so that some gay kid going to high school doesn’t get the shit beaten out of him just because he’s gay…I’m as heterosexual as they come…What is this hang-up about gay marriage? Who cares? Get on with your life!

And he managed to not make any comments about wanting to watch lesbians on their honeymoon, either.

[H/T Towelroad]

Late Night: Rumsfeld, Swine Flu, Fringenuts and You

The fringenuts are freaking out over swine flu, calling for border crackdowns and muttering strange conspiracy theories. But recall, if you will, simpler times. . . in the age of disco. . . right before punk rock. . . when swine flu first raised its grotty snout into America’s sightlines:

Why, who was our president? Gerald Ford. And who was his secretary of defense? [Cue chilling music] Donald Rumsfeld. Writes Lisa Parsons:

Rumsfeld made the imminent "swine flu" a political issue to add some spark to the campaign of President Ford, an interim leader without a cause. At Rumsfeld’s urging, the administration would ensure that "every man, woman and child" was vaccinated. Huge amounts of vaccine were produced and distributed quickly.

Some batches were contaminated. . . Six hundred people sickened and 52 died. The program was stopped a month after the election.

And nobody got swine flu.

Drat! Curses! Foiled again!

Today’s concepts of conspiracies and causes: Factory farming, government malfeasance, corporate malfeasance, a Giant Plot Involving the Illuminati (who are actually the focus of the movie Angels & Demons opening soon, so this might be a product tie-in!). . . . All of which overlooks that every year, according ot the CDC, 36,000 people die of the flu in the US.

And if swine flu is now the subject of hundreds of tee shirts, buttons, bumper stickers and one-line jokes, isn’t it pretty much over anyway?


The Economy Stinks. And So Do You.

example.thumbnail.jpgWaterWorks advertises on late night informercials, presumably while women are lying awake in their beds wondering why they they were fired from work or dumped by a lover.  The answer preys on age old fears: It’s because they "smell down there."

The combination of a stainless steel soap bar and tap water is used by chefs as the most effective way to eliminate odors such as garlic, onions and fish from the hands of food preparers. WaterWorks uses the same principle to reduce or eliminate vaginal odor…Vaginal odor can be embarrassing and it can hurt your love life, your social life and your professional life…

Back in ye olden days, doctors prescribed medical vibrators and douches for "hysteric" women who weren’t getting the satisfaction they needed. Now with WaterWorks, women can wash away their fears and stress, knowing that the "soothing" stainless steel device is "cleared" by the FDA.

If flushing chlorinated, fluoridated tap water you won’t drink up into your girlie parts doesn’t appeal to you, you can always just fill the latex-free bag with Evian.

Fox Says “Lie To Me” Preferable to Obama

brokentv18.thumbnail.jpgInstead of broadcasting the president’s 100 days in office press conference tomorrow, Fox stations across the country will air their regularly scheduled series Lie to Me (cue clever joke). An onscreen graphic will alert viewers that they can catch Obama on either of their cable outlets Fox News Channel or Fox Business News.

ABC, NBC and CBS will run the press conference in its entirety. This is the fourth time since taking office that Obama has pre-empted networks’ regularly scheduled programming.  Twice this year Fox has had to shift American Idol to broadcast Obama press conferences, according to Broadcasting & Cable.  Oh, the shocking hubris!

Despite switching Lie to Me’s Wednesday timeslots with American Idol, Fox isn’t gonna give up the airing the 8pm crime drama, which is drawing about 11 millions viewers per episode–gosh darn it, they’re fair and balanced Fox and won’t be caught pandering to a socialist like those media elite major networks!

Meanwhile with only five girls left, the CW’s America’s Next Top Model will air another nail-biting episode; this one looks to be a Brazilian go-see…Um, no not that kind of Brazilian; the models-to-be  are in Sao Paulo.

Courtney Love’s Missing Panties?

Buy my underwear!

Crazed real-estate mogul Courtney Love has a spanking new plan to for (in)famous (mis)fortune: She’s reportedly convinced photographer David LaChapelle to bankroll her brand new bra-and-panties store on Sunset Blvd, which will feature lingerie she’s designed, according to heaps of articles quoting contactmusic.com which cites the Sunday Mirror (though oddly that story is missing from their webpage).

Maybe the story went the way of Courtney’s hundreds of million of dollars inheritance or all that jewelry of hers that kept getting stolen

While Love and LaChapelle plan to open the store with a big party in the summer, let’s wait and see since Courtney has a way of burning through friends pretty quickly: Drew Barrymore, Amanda de Cadenet, Winona Ryder, Gwyneth Paltrow have all been BBFF (briefly best friends forever) with Love, and now she’s gone and dumped Pamela Anderson with a really nasty comment.

Why, it was just a few years–and 75 lbs–ago that Courtney was professing her love and friendship for Anderson on a Comedy Central Roast of the Baywatch bombshell/author/activist; Love also flashed a lot of her black lace underpanties during the broadcast, and lifted her top to reveal her bra. Now Love has dissed Anderson in the New York Post saying:

Pam Anderson doesn’t even have a credit card. And she lives in Paradise Cove — which is in Malibu, but it’s a trailer park in Malibu.

Courtney, Courtney, Courtney. Those Malibu "trailers" are million dollar homes–and tax breaks to boot. And just recently you were claiming to be broke, sort of. And if you’re not, and really have as much money as you sometimes claim to–didn’t you get $50 million for selling a quarter of Kurt Cobain’s publishing rights in 2006?–why is someone else financing your lingerie line?

Flu Kills 36,000 in US! 200,000 Hospitalized

Annually.  Each year. So just calm down. Geeze. Take a vitamin C and wash your hands.

In the meantime, is it too soon?jitcrunch.thumbnail.jpg381279474v1_350x350_front.thumbnail.jpg381399384v2_350x350_front_color-white.jpg

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Gwen Stefani Drops $100K for In-Studio Nursery

gwen-stefani-public-domain.thumbnail.jpgSinger/fashion designer Gwen Stefani decided she wanted to spend quality time with her sons 8-month old Zuma and toddler Kingston while rehearsing for for No Doubt’s upcoming tour, so she did the logical thing for a multi-millionaire celebrity: She had a day care center installed at S.I.R. Studios in Hollywood for a mere $100,000.

At home in Beverly Hills, the kids sleep on $300 sheets.

According to to the United Nations’ World Food Programme, as of March 2008 it costs 25 cents a day to feed a school child in developing countries through WFP; this cost includes the cost of the meal, its transportation, cooking and distribution. Additionally:

In the poorest parts of the world, a school feeding programme can double primary school enrolment in one year. Among the key beneficiaries are girls, who otherwise may never be given the opportunity to learn…However something more is needed to attract the poorest girls to school. In its "take-home ration" projects, WFP provides basic food items, often including a sack of rice and a can of cooking oil, to families who send their daughters to school.

On one hand it’s awesome Gwen Stefani is a self-created woman who used her talents and vision of female empowerment to become a huge success and is thus able to provide a temporary day-care nursery for her kids to be close to her as she prepares to earns millions more. On the other hand, by spending a little less, with the difference, thousands of girls could be on the way to their own empowerment.

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