By the time you read this it will be April 1, 2009.
And on this day, as was foretold in The Email of Sacking & Kthnxbai!, back-stabbing douche Roger L. Simon will have shoved his affiliate bloggers out of the nest because he’s tired of subsidizing their Citizen Journalist asses. By now it should be apparent that B-SD Roger has bigger fish to fry….like introducing this intranets whosee-whatsis called "Twitter" to the conservative masses which is, this time, totally gonna make money. Enough to buy a fedora made out of the nutsacks of a thousand chinchillas. So, like, a fuckload of money. I mean, lots.
But what does this mean for those plucky patriots of the keyboards now that their income stream has gone the way of a thousand chinchilla scrotums? Besides explaining to their significant others (wives, girlfriends, parents, parole officers) that they weren’t really sacked…they’re…. Going Galt. Yeah that’s it! Galt! There will be deprivations.
For Gun Counter Gomer, Ol’ Sparky the BBQ is going to have to hang on for one more summer of grilling okra and squirrel ribs. And that four-in-one BBQ spatula with the laser-sight and pistol-grip he’s had his eye on? Maybe for Christmas, Bubba.
For Ace O’ Spades, let’s just say that he won’t be changing the Play-Doh in his fleshlight every 3000 miles like the instruction book advises. Trust me, you don’t want to know any more than this.
And Godlstein will have to trade in:
As a bit of a gloss, let me relate some of my own academic experiences. During one of my summers as a fellow at the School of Lit Theory and Criticism, we were treated to a host of guest lecturers who consistently hit on these same themes — a kind of fetishizing / infantalizing of Otherness combined with a pointed rebuke of our own cultural trajectory — without once consciously recognizing their own rather dripping condescension toward those exotic cultures they were ostensibly speaking for (by telling us that we have no right to speak for them or, in certain cases, even intelligently of them), and without once acknowledging that their critiques, inasmuch as they were offering them, were as much a part of our culture as the caricature of our culture they were condemning.
All of the footlongs are $5. No. Bacon is extra….
But they’ll still have their memories of those halcyon days when the money flowed like Zima and women were easier to get into than community college. They were pundits once and young, and nobody can take that away from them. Their cars and their Rent-2-Own furniture, yes, but not their memories.
And one more thing: there have been no terrorist attacks in America since Pajamas Media was created. Coincidence? Not fucking likely.