Lightnin’ Rod Blagojevich has decided to go all self-righteous sob sister, and without naming all the names tells some sordid tales of legislative life that are almost as demented and gripping as an episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County. Booze! Broads! Double dippers! Jaguar driving state senators playing zero sum games with hard working folks’ tax dollars!

According Illin’ Noise’s interview  on WLS-AM this morning, the excesses of Springfield can really turn an elected official’s head!

  [A] bunch of these lawmakers go down to Springfield, nobody even knows who they are, they’re away from their families, it’s a whole different world down there, a bunch of them are cheating on their spouses, a lot of them drink in excess, very few of them know what’s going on.  

 And there’s intrigue and passionate tragedy:

Another legislative leader came to us because one of his members was sleeping with his secretary. And then the wife found out and she wanted that secretary fired. But this guy was in love with his secretary, so he goes to the legislative leader, they come to us, they want us to hire this woman so that we can keep that guy happy and, you know, then hope that they might work with us on some issues.  

Don’t leave us hanging, Rod! What happened? Did you give the tarty typist a new gig? Did you, you know, work with "them" on some issues?

And about that double dipping:

So those 10 double dippers. Rep. Joe Lyons (D-Chicago), for example, Rep. [John] D’Amico (D-Chicago) and a lot of these other guys who have big city jobs and they get paid $70,000 or better as state reps part time, are gonna raise taxes on people to pay for their two government jobs because the mayor gets a piece of the action to pay for that job that they have a (the city department of) Streets and Sanitation. It’s sickening. And wrong…. 

Rod cues us in on how can you tell the bad guys. Pro tip: They drive expensive foreign sports cars!

My state senator here, who is the senate president, John Cullerton, drives around the neighborhood in a Jaguar…He works in a politically-connected law firm that does business, that gets businesses, you know, from state government. They do real estate property tax work. They represent big commercial properties downtown…Because the way the property tax system works is, it’s a zero sum game. If you ease the burden on commercial properties, then you increase the burden on homeowners…And, again, it’s the average guy in the neighborhood who’s getting screwed as they drive around, you know, working neighborhoods in Jaguars pretending to be on the side of the people.

 Even though it was curtains for Rod as governor, he’s on the people’s side–always has been and always will be:

I’ll continue to be, you know, as much as I can, I want to continue to be a voice for the people I fought for as governor. And I feel like in many ways I can provide insights now that I’m not governor that I couldn’t as governor because you’ve got to work with those people, that I think in the long run can be very helpful to the people of Illinois to know how their government works and how it screws them for the benefit of those who make the rules…See, those are the kinds of things I’d like to be able to tell, and let the voters and people know who they are and know what they’re doing to `em.

But wait! There’s more! And you can hear it all here. Just try not to coffee all over your computer screen.