Every night until the Inauguration BBC World News America presents Notes to Obama, in which well-known figures offer advice to the incoming president. And wow, award winning director/super cool counter-culture icon John Waters puts on his cha-cha heels and goes to town, offering words of wisdom like:

 The day you become President you make heterosexual divorce illegal.  Fair enough?

 Let’s have no straight people in the army.  Let us have an all volunteer army of lesbians.  Believe me.  They could find Bin Laden. I promise you.

Waters–who wrote and directed Hairspray, Female Trouble, Pink Flamingos, Desperate Living, Crybaby,  and a slew of shorts along with penning several witty books, acting and performing his spoken word to sold-out crowds–has some suggestions about poverty, including giving poor people "new hair dos" and

If they make $25 extra over their check don’t deduct it or cut them off – give them twice as much plus welfare and then they learn to be ambitious.  Otherwise they’re trapped and they have to study and spend as much time on failure as they would on success.  Reward them.  Let them get hooked on capitalism.

But Water’s biggest hint to Obama–along with finding a neighborhood bar not far from the White House and letting in twenty strangers to hang out witn him and the Secret Service:

I know you’re trying to quit smoking. And I sympathize. But if you think about the warning on the cigarette pack that says you will die…It’s true. Matter of fact it’s the only thing true the government has ever told us.

 Waters concludes with:

Keep your sense of humor and knock ‘em dead. I salute you.

Watch the whole video here!